Understanding Triggers

The word trigger has become increasingly commonplace in our day to day language, but really, what are triggers and how can we best handle them?

A trigger happens when a current experience of discomfort touches on an old inner wound. This current experience of discomfort then reignites the old uncomfortable feeling(s) or experience(s), the unprocessed wound(s), or trauma(s). Negative thought patterns then get stirred and this often comes with a strong physical, emotional, and mental response. This response overwhelms the nervous system and is not necessarily congruent with the current uncomfortable experience, or trigger.

A trigger is experienced in the present and can be something someone says, doesn’t say, a look, a smell, a physical sensation, a tone of voice, or anything else that then stimulates the memory networks connected to the unprocessed trauma(s) or old wound(s) and brings up subconscious negative internalized beliefs about ourselves, such as I am unsafe, I am inadequate, I am unworthy, I am in danger and so on. The nervous system responds as if we are in danger. There is a big difference between being upset and being triggered. 

When triggered, we temporarily regress back to that feeling state associated with unprocessed emotions or experiences and the nervous system takes over as form of self-protection. This response plummets us into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode. This usually happens without the ability to think it through, it is an automatic reactionary response to re-experiencing the old wounds of the past tied up into the present triggering experience. This is a survival instinct to avoid suffering and danger.

This nervous system response to a trigger is something that luckily, we can begin to manage more effectively with self-awareness and learning to regulate our nervous systems more effectively. It takes a whole lot of effort and consistent practice, but it is possible. If you have deeper trauma, it is helpful to do this with the support of a therapist who practices from an evidence-based, trauma informed approach. If you suffer from PTSD, while some of this information may be useful, I highly recommend working with a therapist who specializes in PTSD as the trigger responses are likely more extreme and automatic and may be challenging to process on your own.

Self-awareness is the key to understanding and learning to redirect our triggers. Without awareness, we cannot change. With awareness, we can begin to see our own patterns and begin to make small, incremental changes that lead towards more self-regulation of our nervous systems. With increased awareness and coping strategies, we can develop the ability to respond to the trigger versus being thrown into the automatic reactionary impulse of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

Gaining self-awareness takes a willingness to investigate our own reactionary behavior patterns when triggered. Journaling about triggers, keeping a “trigger log” and taking copious notes about all of the details related to what you experienced— what it was, who it was, why it was, and very importantly, what it brought up for you that is old and from your past. Having this information gives you a place to begin. Taking notes about your response to being triggered, what was happening in your body, your mind, your breath during and after the trigger, this is where your self-awareness begins to grow. Once you have some data, you can begin to consider where to intervene with these occurrences and experiences in a way that supports your growth.

One way you can begin to understand your own triggers more effectively is to know what reaction it causes within you when you feel triggered. These are the negative internalized beliefs, negative cognitions or negative thought patterns that can loop in our brains based on early childhood experiences. The messaging we took in about our self-worth in these experiences as well as what we witnessed in the behaviors of our caretakers. We’ve picked these beliefs up and respond to them as if they are true, this self-awareness work is about beginning to understand that it is old, and to begin to challenge the messaging and eventually re-writing with the language that is actually true, useful and empowering.

Some examples of negative cognitions/negative internalized beliefs are:

I am not good enough

I am not worthy

I am powerless

I am helpless

I am not in control

I am a bad person

There is something wrong with me

I am a disappointment

I am a failure

I am inadequate

I am different and don’t belong

I am unlovable

I can’t trust anyone

I am unsafe

I can’t trust myself

I have to be perfect to be loved

The list can go on and on, however these are some of the most common negative cognitions that are experienced by many people. When we are triggered, if there are experiences in the past that have made us feel this way about ourselves, we can get stuck in a pattern of negative self-talk, or have a trauma response that makes us feel that this negative cognition or feeling state is indeed true. If we don’t learn how to manage these negative cognitions it can lead to compensatory, self-sabotaging behaviors such as using food, substances, mindless activities or anything else to avoid the discomfort that is experienced in mind and body. Emotional soothing with food or any other emotional numbing is only a temporary release and leads to increased negative feelings about ourselves. When we become the observer of the trigger and understand where it came from, we can begin to take our nervous systems back and learn to create and offer more self-compassion.

Over time, with self-awareness and practice we can create a new internalized belief structure such as:

I am good enough

I am worthy

I am powerful, or I own my power, or I now have choices

I am strong

I am now in control

I am a good person, or I am learning and growing every day, or I forgive myself

I am ok just the way I am 

I accept myself as I am

I can succeed

I am enough

I am unique, or I am ok just as I am

I am lovable, or I deserve love

I can choose whom I trust

I am safe, or in this moment I am safe

I am learning to trust myself, or I trust myself

I am ok as I am

When we practice accessing and internalizing these positive cognitions we can create a more compassionate relationship with ourselves. With practice and continued self-awareness we can soften the triggers and begin to operate outside of these negative, faulty beliefs. The most effective way to begin to re-write our internal language is to practice. Have the statement that is more useful, true and positive available at all times. Write it down, send it to yourself as a reminder on your phone, practice saying it out loud. Once we build this deeper awareness, we can begin to practice regulating our nervous systems in a way that leads to better self-regulation. Some of the most effective time we can spend is practicing learning these very skills and tools.

Breathing practices, meditation, mindfulness, thought work, movement, somatic awareness and embodiment, journaling, regular self-care, self-compassion practices, and talking through challenges with someone you trust are all great places to start. There are many forms of therapy that help to address thoughts and faulty beliefs and nervous system regulation if you feel you could benefit from further support as you heal. If you are someone who suffers from feeling triggered frequently, I hope you will pick one area to begin your journey towards deeper self-awareness and see where it leads. Spend time reflecting on whatever practices you may choose and notice the impact.

As you grown in your self-awareness and empowerment, you will begin to change the language of how you communicate your triggers with others. You can begin to shift your language from victim mode, “you triggered me” to self-ownership mode, “I was triggered when___________.” When we take responsibility we feel more empowered to choose our responses and less helpless and hopeless that change is possible. If someone else is in control of our responses we can’t truly believe in our capacity for change. However, if we are the ones beginning to learn to take control of our reactions and responses we take our power back and gain confidence in our capability for change. This increases our inner strength over time. It will not be an easy process. It requires a great deal of time, self-awareness, practice and more practice. It also does not mean we won’t get triggered in a way that is uncomfortable or even unmanageable at times. When you learn self-regulation, self-soothing and nervous system awareness and stabilization skills that change how you relate to any triggers, it will be life changing. When you are in control of your reactions and have this level of self-awareness you are becoming truly self-empowered.

How to Identify the Emotions Driving Your Food Cravings

When emotions are the driving force that cause your food cravings, it is vital to develop emotional awareness. If you have been avoiding emotions through emotional eating—or any other mindless form of numbing them out—this can feel like an overwhelming (and emotional) mountain to climb.

As humans, we tend to seek pleasure and avoid pain. While pleasure is an important part of life, generally, life cannot exist without both, and at times, this includes experiencing discomfort and pain. If you spend your life avoiding pain, you limit your ability to truly experience the pleasures in your life to their fullest.

While emotional eating can be triggered by any emotion, it is generally driven by a desire to avoid or numb out uncomfortable emotions. Discomfort is not experienced as pleasure and we tend to want it to just stop. Food can temporarily trigger the pleasure center in the brain causing a temporary suppression of the uncomfortable emotion. However, it does not just go away! It comes back, along with all of the other emotions you have been avoiding with food.

Learning to identify emotions and understand why you are experiencing them in the first place is essential. While it can feel daunting, knowing you have been avoiding the feelings for a reason, being able to create a more peaceful relationship with food, as well as with yourself is worth the effort. Know that this is a process, it takes time and indeed a good bit of effort. 

To get started, it is helpful to have a feelings/emotions journal. If you have no idea where to start with identifying, much less feeling your feelings, you can download a feelings wheel like this one here. Giving yourself dedicated time to building your emotional awareness muscle is important.

If you wanted to strengthen your biceps, you wouldn’t do just one bicep curl and expect to create the strength you desire and be done for life! You have to do many repetitions—and in order to maintain the strength you create, you must be consistent. You will most likely have to feel a little sore in order for growth to happen.

When you check in, you are identifying and exploring your emotions, this helps you build your emotional awareness muscles. You can continue to develop your emotional awareness by preparing yourself, having a plan, and committing to check in emotionally with yourself consistently.

Choose a time to give yourself space with your journal and emotions wheel and check in with how you are feeling right now. Ask yourself if there have been any emotions you experienced throughout the day today or even the day before that want to be recognized.

Once you acknowledge that a feeling is there, check in with how that particular emotion impacts your physical body. What’s occurring internally as you bring up or allow yourself to feel this emotion? Again, try not to judge your experience but witness it, be present with it, and if it’s uncomfortable try not to run from it—if it is comfortable, try not to cling to it.

Spend time observing this feeling and engage with it from the perspective of witnessing it. Become a silent observer of your emotions.

Now allow yourself to discover the why. Ask yourself, “why did I experience that emotion?” “What happened to create that specific emotion?” Try not to judge, just be curious. Name the feeling, observe it, and now understand the why. This is powerful information about your internal response to—and experience of your life. Emotions are valuable information about your experience of your life and allow you to make choices based on your internal experience.

Do you need to take action on the feeling? When you understand the why behind the feeling, you can decide if there is anything you need to do. If you are anxious, is there something you need to do? If you are angry, is there something you need to say? If you are bored, is there something constructive you could do? How can you take action in a way that is healthy and allows you to feel empowered and in control.

Now you have the opportunity to let it go! If you have allowed yourself to authentically feel your emotion, be non-judgmentally aware of it and derive the important information from it, you can make a choice about whether or not you need to take action. Now it is time to let it go. Releasing emotions comes with time and practice, practice and time.

Allow yourself to consistently show up for your emotions—all of your emotions—and you will find them to be less scary. Additionally, you will begin to feel more and more emotionally empowered. There are no “bad” feelings, just some that may be more comfortable than others, however, they are all vitally important to be aware of in order to make a choice about how to respond. Every emotion has a purpose and is a valuable element of being a human and of being alive.

As you begin to feel more comfortable experiencing your emotions, you can specifically apply these concepts and practices to eating. When you are experiencing a craving, you can ask yourself what you are actually hungry for in the moment. You may find more often than not, it is not actually food! Then you have an opportunity to make a choice.

You create the opportunity to make empowered decisions regarding how to respond to your emotions and how to choose the foods you truly want to eat—not because of an attempt to temporarily numb an emotion, but to enjoy the taste and experience of eating that particular food.

When you consistently practice emotional awareness, you will end the cycle of escaping your emotions with food. If you find you could benefit from support in this area, reach out, find support and begin to grow your emotional awareness. This creates an opportunity to make peace with food by making peace with yourself.

3 Strategies to Manage Emotional Eating During the Holiday Season

 

If you are one of the many people who struggle with emotional and stress eating, then you may be dreading the holiday season. Whether because the holidays themselves are stressful or just the addition of holiday treats being everywhere all the time is stressful—or both, stress and emotional eating can become especially rampant this time of year.

It starts with the Halloween candy. You might think to yourself, “I’ll have just one piece---you know---as a treat.” The next thing you know you have an empty bag of Reese’s Cups and you are at the store purchasing two more bags of Reese’s—because now they’re on sale, 2-for-1! 

This triggers an attitude of, “forget it, I’ll just start over in the New Year”—an attitude of eat whatever, whenever. In the back of your mind, you know this is NOT what you want. You really want to END this cycle of gaining and losing the same amount of weight every year. You want to stop this negative, damaging cycle of emotional eating. But the leftover Halloween candy is just the beginning, enter Thanksgiving…

Now, there’s pumpkin pie, apple pie, cranberry sauce, sweet potato casserole and more to contend with! We essentially dive into a sea of sugary foods from Halloween all the way through December! By January you may have put on some weight and feel frustrated and down on yourself. You may feel overwhelmed by how to start all over—yet again…

You do not have to spend another holiday season fighting yourself! Here are three simple and highly useful strategies to help you manage your sugar intake, be more mindful with your choices, and make it through this holiday season feeling empowered, healthy and strong rather than disappointed, frustrated and hopeless.

1. Give Yourself a Sugar Quota

According to the American Heart Association, women should have no more than 24 grams of added sugar per day and men no more than 36 grams of added sugar per day. For example, a Pumpkin Latte from a certain coffee spot has 49 grams of sugar! When you begin to pay attention to how many grams of sugar are in certain foods, you can make more empowered decisions about what to eat and how to “spend” your sugar grams each day.

During the holiday season you might choose to increase your daily sugar quota by a bit more than 24 grams, or you might make certain days exceptions, but just not every single day—which is where the trouble lies during this season! When you predetermine how much sugar you will take in daily, you are more likely to pay attention to the amount of sugar in foods and more likely to make informed decisions. This allows to you to feel strong and in control rather than weak, shameful and deprived. 

2. Make Choices Based on How You Want to Feel

When you make decisions based on how you want to feel, you are more likely to make an empowered and positive choice in the moment. Start each day with asking yourself “How do I want to feel today?” If you want to feel strong, ask yourself with each decision you make around food and in general, “does this choice support how I want to feel?”  If not, you have an opportunity to make an empowered choice to say NO to that particular food while choosing to say YES to yourself, YES to how you want to feel. There is no better feeling than showing up for yourself and making empowered choices!  This stops the feeling of deprivation and builds inner strength.

3. Focus on Vegetables

At holiday meals, (and all throughout the year!) aim for at least 50% of your plate to be loaded with vegetables. When you do this, you are not only getting in the nutrition you need, the fiber in vegetables helps to fill you up and create a feeling of satiation. This leaves less space for the sugary foods—both on your plate and in your belly! Vegetables are where “it is at” nutritionally! When you are taking in more nutrients you feel better. This sets you up to manage your stress more effectively, which helps you curb the stress-eating! When you are well nourished you tend to have fewer cravings which allows you to resist the second helping of pie at the holiday table!

Use these three strategies during this holiday season and notice how they impact your choices, your ability to manage your craving and how you feel about yourself. When you try these strategies, let me know how they work for you!