EMDR Therapy + Manifestation

The concept of manifestation is not new, however, the way it is practiced has changed significantly over the years. Information about the brain, consciousness, imagery, and self-worth, continues to be studied and researched, and there is great evidence to the science of manifestation. So much evidence has been offered to understand more logically how and why it actually works.

I remember hearing on the Oprah show years ago, and it struck me in a big way, “you don’t become what you want in life, you become what you believe.” This is the foundation of manifestation, and why some of the concepts that popularized it, and made it seem a little out-there of just picture it and it will happen, have not proven to be how or why manifestation actually works. What you are unconsciously creating in your life, is created directly out of your level of self-worth. If you believe you are not good enough, destined to fail, are unworthy, inadequate, unloveable, or even always in danger, then no matter how much you want something, most likely you will find yourself in patterns of subconsciously sabotaging any efforts to create it in your life.

This is where EMDR therapy can be a very powerful and useful technique to integrate with your manifestation, or self-worth improvement process. EMDR therapy (if you want to learn more about EMDR therapy, you can read previous blog posts HERE, HERE and HERE) works to reprocess the memories, experiences, and feeling states that have created or reinforced the negative internalized beliefs that hold you back from living your best life. These negative beliefs create unconscious blocks to moving forward in your life. I know this to be true from both as a certified EMDR therapist, as well as a client receiving EMDR therapy. I have experienced how it helped me unravel more than one negative cognition, or negative internalized limiting belief, which has allowed me to take more intentional and subconscious action towards what I want. EMDR therapy has helped me embody how it feels to be worthy of what I want.

If you are familiar with some of the concepts of manifestation and cast it off as woo-woo, I totally get it. However, there are more and more studies and books out there explaining the brain-based science of how it actually works. I have been doing the work of To Be Magnetic (interested? try it out here with a coupon code here: TBM) for a few years and have seen it work really well with EMDR therapy. The process is logical and there in no woo-woo belief required. What I like about TBM specifically is that she has partnered with a neuroscientist and an EMDR therapist to create the process, which is a wonderful compliment to EMDR therapy, or any therapeutic technique.

Once doing the manifestation work (or any self-development work) many find that they discover that they have one or more blocks related to self-worth. Working through these blocks with an EMDR (or any) therapist can not only speed up the work of manifesting (creating the life you desire) or feeling more grounded in your sense of self, but also create more ease, self-awareness, emotional tolerance, and overall improve your mental wellbeing on many levels. 

When you create a vision for what you want and know why you want what you want, you set in motion opportunities for your brain to subconsciously seek it out. When you incorporate how it will feel to have what you want, and align it with your personal values, the why you actually want it, and then practice being in that desired feeling state, you again, set in motion opportunities for your brain to subconsciously seek it out. When practiced repeatedly while simultaneously clearing out the past memories, traumas, and experiences that created the blocks in the first place, you open yourself up to living in alignment with your new internalized beliefs, such as: I am worthy, I am lovable, I am good enough, I deserve what I want, In this moment I am safe, I’m ok…

Curious about integrating EMDR therapy with other types of self-worth development work? Feel free to reach out and schedule a complimentary consultation. You are capable of creating the life you want, the life you desire. You deserve to feel worthy of what you want and to do the work to support your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing.

What Exactly Is an EMDR Intensive?

Do you ever feel as though you are reliving the same patterns, or having the same recurring negative thoughts or experiences? Many of us are operating out of subconscious negative beliefs that are creating distressing patterns of thoughts, behaviors, and limiting our ability to feel worthy and deserving of the life we desire.

EMDR is a powerful therapeutic modality that helps to release these beliefs from our subconscious and unconscious minds, and allows us to live in a less uncomfortable, anxious, and fearful state of being. Through EMDR therapy we can release these limiting beliefs so that we can feel more empowered, confident, and safe in our daily lives.

One way to confront these limiting beliefs and negative cognitions is to do intensive EMDR therapy. This is where session times are extended so we can do a deep dive into releasing these beliefs about ourselves. Since I began offering EMDR intensives, I have had a lot of inquiries about why choose an EMDR intensive model over more traditional, weekly, 50 minute sessions. So I thought I’d write a little about what an EMDR intensive even is, and how to know if it might be right for you. (If you are not familiar with EMDR as a therapeutic modality, you can read a previous blog I wrote on the topic HERE or learn more about it from the EMDRIA homepage HERE.) 

An EMDR intensive is indeed, just as the name implies, intense. They are longer EMDR sessions (usually 2.5-hours, 4-hours, or even longer) where you focus for an extended period of time on your desired area of inner work. EMDR is considered a maximum exposure therapy, where you are reprocessing a specific trauma, memory, feeling state, or experience in a way that you are fully present with any lingering and unprocessed distress of that particular experience.

The discomfort that remains is based on a subjective level of distress you still experience when thinking about the memory. This is based on somatic, mental, and emotional discomfort. Through the bilateral stimulation of the brain, (and through the lens of the adaptive information processing model) repeated exposure and reprocessing of the memory allows the brain and body to release the physical, mental and emotional pain associated with the memory, so the distress level inevitably comes down. The goal is to have the distress become a 0 (subjectively on a 0-10 scale) where it feels that no distress remains present. The memory is then successfully reprocessed and released into your long term memory, rather than looping and causing triggering responses to your present life circumstances.

Once the distress is a 0, a positive cognition is created and reinforced through bilateral stimulation as well, and once it feels absolutely true (this is gauged subjectively on a number scale as well) as an inner felt sense, it is practiced with future templates. Imagining yourself accessing this new positive cognition in potentially distressing or triggering circumstances within the future helps to create new patterns and possibilities. Through this work you can now begin to respond and react within those future challenging moments in a more grounded and steady manner.

All that I’ve described so far is a very rough and quick overview, there are certainly many more elements incorporated into EMDR therapy, however this intended as just a basic gist. Our goal is to rewrite negative cognitions, or beliefs about the self, that have been created or reinforced through these distressing memories, experiences, and traumas. These experiences created beliefs about the self that perpetuated patterns of behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that can create negative internal experiences as well as difficulty feeling truly confident, hopeful, grounded, and worthy just as you are.

Through the inner work, you can release the trauma still stored mentally, physically, and emotionally, and therefore release the negative beliefs that have arisen out of those experiences. This creates a new way of existing within your life that is freeing and empowering.

With a traditional 50 minute session there is some preparation, potentially reprocessing and desensitization, verbal processing, grounding and re-stabilization in a relatively short time. With an EMDR intensive you are in that potentially reprocessing and desensitization phase for a much more extended period of time. I have found that a 2.5-hour EMDR intensive is similar to approximately 4 sessions when using the traditional, basic protocol. A 4-hour intensive is similar to approximately 6-7 sessions when using the traditional, basic protocol. There are always potentially other elements incorporated into sessions depending on each person’s individual needs along the way.

If you are someone who has done some personal work already and feels that EMDR could be helpful to resolve some traumatic memories, this could feel really nice, to get in a lot of therapy in a shorter, more intensive period of time. These intensives are useful if you find that you have some patterns that you seem to repeat in relationships, with money, with food, with negative self-talk, and with specific anxieties. Initially, we identify the primary negative cognition, and then use the protocol to work through these memories or experiences that seem to repeat themselves in a way that makes sense for you. 

For example, if you are someone who finds that you seek out relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable over and over, there may be a limiting believe or negative cognition that is stuck in your subconscious that can be worked through in a short series of EMDR intensives. We first identify the negative belief about yourself, and then work with the memories that have created or reinforced that belief. Or, if you are someone who seems to fall into the same patterns with food, or money and spending that you have repeatedly tried to change, this too could be reinforced subconsciously by a negative internalized belief that can be worked through with EMDR intensives. I have found intensives to be helpful for those struggling with perfectionism, creative blocks, resistance to or fear of change, specific anxieties (such as flying, driving over bridges…) and much more.

If you are interested in an EMDR intensive, it is best to reach out to a few certified EMDR therapists who offer them, who are also licensed in your state. Many therapists are willing to offer a 15-minute consultation where you can describe your current needs/goals and they will be able to determine if you may be a good candidate for intensive EMDR therapy. I am licensed in New York and Virginia, and therefore only can offer them to those currently living in either of those states. For people with chronic or complex post traumatic stress disorder who are just beginning treatment, those with a low distress tolerance, and for those with certain chronic conditions, I have found that traditional weekly sessions tend to work best, however, everything is truly determined on a case-by-case basis. 

I hope I’ve piqued your interest and maybe you will think about considering EMDR intensives as part of your personal growth, mental wellness, and emotional health process. Here’s to confronting our negative internalized beliefs head-on and creating a more empowered, confident self and living a life fully immersed in a feeling of worthiness. You deserve to feel your best and live your best life.

Understanding Triggers

The word trigger has become increasingly commonplace in our day to day language, but really, what are triggers and how can we best handle them?

A trigger happens when a current experience of discomfort touches on an old inner wound. This current experience of discomfort then reignites the old uncomfortable feeling(s) or experience(s), the unprocessed wound(s), or trauma(s). Negative thought patterns then get stirred and this often comes with a strong physical, emotional, and mental response. This response overwhelms the nervous system and is not necessarily congruent with the current uncomfortable experience, or trigger.

A trigger is experienced in the present and can be something someone says, doesn’t say, a look, a smell, a physical sensation, a tone of voice, or anything else that then stimulates the memory networks connected to the unprocessed trauma(s) or old wound(s) and brings up subconscious negative internalized beliefs about ourselves, such as I am unsafe, I am inadequate, I am unworthy, I am in danger and so on. The nervous system responds as if we are in danger. There is a big difference between being upset and being triggered. 

When triggered, we temporarily regress back to that feeling state associated with unprocessed emotions or experiences and the nervous system takes over as form of self-protection. This response plummets us into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode. This usually happens without the ability to think it through, it is an automatic reactionary response to re-experiencing the old wounds of the past tied up into the present triggering experience. This is a survival instinct to avoid suffering and danger.

This nervous system response to a trigger is something that luckily, we can begin to manage more effectively with self-awareness and learning to regulate our nervous systems more effectively. It takes a whole lot of effort and consistent practice, but it is possible. If you have deeper trauma, it is helpful to do this with the support of a therapist who practices from an evidence-based, trauma informed approach. If you suffer from PTSD, while some of this information may be useful, I highly recommend working with a therapist who specializes in PTSD as the trigger responses are likely more extreme and automatic and may be challenging to process on your own.

Self-awareness is the key to understanding and learning to redirect our triggers. Without awareness, we cannot change. With awareness, we can begin to see our own patterns and begin to make small, incremental changes that lead towards more self-regulation of our nervous systems. With increased awareness and coping strategies, we can develop the ability to respond to the trigger versus being thrown into the automatic reactionary impulse of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

Gaining self-awareness takes a willingness to investigate our own reactionary behavior patterns when triggered. Journaling about triggers, keeping a “trigger log” and taking copious notes about all of the details related to what you experienced— what it was, who it was, why it was, and very importantly, what it brought up for you that is old and from your past. Having this information gives you a place to begin. Taking notes about your response to being triggered, what was happening in your body, your mind, your breath during and after the trigger, this is where your self-awareness begins to grow. Once you have some data, you can begin to consider where to intervene with these occurrences and experiences in a way that supports your growth.

One way you can begin to understand your own triggers more effectively is to know what reaction it causes within you when you feel triggered. These are the negative internalized beliefs, negative cognitions or negative thought patterns that can loop in our brains based on early childhood experiences. The messaging we took in about our self-worth in these experiences as well as what we witnessed in the behaviors of our caretakers. We’ve picked these beliefs up and respond to them as if they are true, this self-awareness work is about beginning to understand that it is old, and to begin to challenge the messaging and eventually re-writing with the language that is actually true, useful and empowering.

Some examples of negative cognitions/negative internalized beliefs are:

I am not good enough

I am not worthy

I am powerless

I am helpless

I am not in control

I am a bad person

There is something wrong with me

I am a disappointment

I am a failure

I am inadequate

I am different and don’t belong

I am unlovable

I can’t trust anyone

I am unsafe

I can’t trust myself

I have to be perfect to be loved

The list can go on and on, however these are some of the most common negative cognitions that are experienced by many people. When we are triggered, if there are experiences in the past that have made us feel this way about ourselves, we can get stuck in a pattern of negative self-talk, or have a trauma response that makes us feel that this negative cognition or feeling state is indeed true. If we don’t learn how to manage these negative cognitions it can lead to compensatory, self-sabotaging behaviors such as using food, substances, mindless activities or anything else to avoid the discomfort that is experienced in mind and body. Emotional soothing with food or any other emotional numbing is only a temporary release and leads to increased negative feelings about ourselves. When we become the observer of the trigger and understand where it came from, we can begin to take our nervous systems back and learn to create and offer more self-compassion.

Over time, with self-awareness and practice we can create a new internalized belief structure such as:

I am good enough

I am worthy

I am powerful, or I own my power, or I now have choices

I am strong

I am now in control

I am a good person, or I am learning and growing every day, or I forgive myself

I am ok just the way I am 

I accept myself as I am

I can succeed

I am enough

I am unique, or I am ok just as I am

I am lovable, or I deserve love

I can choose whom I trust

I am safe, or in this moment I am safe

I am learning to trust myself, or I trust myself

I am ok as I am

When we practice accessing and internalizing these positive cognitions we can create a more compassionate relationship with ourselves. With practice and continued self-awareness we can soften the triggers and begin to operate outside of these negative, faulty beliefs. The most effective way to begin to re-write our internal language is to practice. Have the statement that is more useful, true and positive available at all times. Write it down, send it to yourself as a reminder on your phone, practice saying it out loud. Once we build this deeper awareness, we can begin to practice regulating our nervous systems in a way that leads to better self-regulation. Some of the most effective time we can spend is practicing learning these very skills and tools.

Breathing practices, meditation, mindfulness, thought work, movement, somatic awareness and embodiment, journaling, regular self-care, self-compassion practices, and talking through challenges with someone you trust are all great places to start. There are many forms of therapy that help to address thoughts and faulty beliefs and nervous system regulation if you feel you could benefit from further support as you heal. If you are someone who suffers from feeling triggered frequently, I hope you will pick one area to begin your journey towards deeper self-awareness and see where it leads. Spend time reflecting on whatever practices you may choose and notice the impact.

As you grown in your self-awareness and empowerment, you will begin to change the language of how you communicate your triggers with others. You can begin to shift your language from victim mode, “you triggered me” to self-ownership mode, “I was triggered when___________.” When we take responsibility we feel more empowered to choose our responses and less helpless and hopeless that change is possible. If someone else is in control of our responses we can’t truly believe in our capacity for change. However, if we are the ones beginning to learn to take control of our reactions and responses we take our power back and gain confidence in our capability for change. This increases our inner strength over time. It will not be an easy process. It requires a great deal of time, self-awareness, practice and more practice. It also does not mean we won’t get triggered in a way that is uncomfortable or even unmanageable at times. When you learn self-regulation, self-soothing and nervous system awareness and stabilization skills that change how you relate to any triggers, it will be life changing. When you are in control of your reactions and have this level of self-awareness you are becoming truly self-empowered.