A Yogic Approach to Healing Emotional Eating

When you hear the word yoga, what comes to mind? For many people it’s a picture of a very flexible person doing something super bendy, but very unapproachable for most bodies. When I took my first yoga class, I was intimidated but interested. I took a pretty strait forward class that moved from static posture to static posture concentrating on form, alignment, and awareness of both my body and breath in a way that I never had before. As someone who tends towards anxiety and who carries a lot of tension in my body, it had a huge impact on me. I felt different in a way I couldn’t specifically explain—and wasn’t just a physical shift, but a mental and emotional shift as well. 

When I set out to become a yoga teacher in training, the very first class was all about the philosophy of yoga. When my teacher said that the yoga postures are only one small slice of what yoga is all about, my head nearly exploded! He then went on to say that the whole purpose of the yoga postures are so that we can sit and meditate comfortably. He said that the postures are a part of the yogic process so that they can assist in our ability to meditate by allowing our body to be less of a distraction to going inward, and at this, my head did explode—in the best possible way. I saw something I’d looked at in only one way from a whole new perspective, and this new perspective changed my life.

Yoga philosophy is non-dogmatic. It is not based on any religion and does not require any beliefs. It is a series of ways to grow your self-awareness from all angles so that you can fully know yourself and express your true self in an accepting, peaceful, and compassionate way. Yoga philosophy has nothing to do with what to do, but with how to be. There are 8-limbs of yoga, and the postures are only one of those limbs. Each limb builds on one another so that full self-awareness and self-actualization can occur. 

When you struggle with emotional eating, you are moving further away from yourself, you are entering a form of self-abandonment and escape. Applying yoga philosophy to healing emotional eating can be an absolutely transformative way to heal. Yoga philosophy allows a way to create ease with emotions, full self-acceptance and self-compassion, and a way to be calm, grounded, and at peace internally—no matter what.

The first two limbs of yoga offer concepts of how to be with yourself, others, and within the world. They are intended to be a guide to how to feel most connected to our true nature and include concepts such as non-harming, truthfulness, non-stealing/craving, moderation, and non-possessiveness. They also consider concepts such as purity, contentment, consistency in practices, self-study, and surrender. The third limb is about using physical postures to build both strength and flexibility in your body so that you can feel comfortable and at ease physically. This limb relating to your physical body is also about embodiment and creating a healthy relationship with your body. The forth limb is about harnessing the power of your breath for mental, physical, and emotional fortitude. The fifth limb is about releasing the five senses and becoming deeply relaxed. The sixth and seventh limbs are about creating mental concentration and moving into a deeper state of meditation. The eighth limb is a culmination of all of the benefits of the first seven limbs into transcendence.

So how do these yogic concepts help with healing emotional eating? This process offers a way to be with yourself that is exploratory, curious, compassionate, and growth-focused. When integrating these concepts you become more grounded, accepting, comfortable, curious, and self-aware. Very often the part of yourself that desires to numb out or avoid discomfort through food is afraid of what will happen if you feel these uncomfortable feelings, or change your internal and behavioral patterns. This part of you is actually functioning as a protection from pain, discomfort, or suffering that it does not want you to have to handle, and is worried you possibly couldn’t handle without the old coping strategy of emotional eating. Through the yogic process, you become more curious about, and comfortable with your feelings, your experiences, and your body. Through exploring emotional eating through the lens of yoga philosophy, your mood becomes less of the driver of how to be, and more of a guide to what you need. If this all seems a little out there, I get it. I hope you will approach these concepts at least with curiosity and an open mind. However, if I’ve piqued your interest, which I hope I have, I will be outlining the process in the next few blog posts to break down each of the 8-limbs of yoga, and how to apply them with how to be with yourself, your body, your nervous system, your mind, as well as with food. 

Emotional Eating, it's Not About the Food

When your mind is constantly preoccupied with food, weight, and your body, it may be difficult to recognize that your struggles are really not about food at all. Most people who struggle with emotional eating have a deeper understanding of food in relation to studies, diets, and health than they’d care to share. When we can explore our food history to begin to see where our patterns were first picked up, we can more clearly see how it’s not information we are lacking. Rather, we want to explore how it came to be that food became the most accessible coping tool for emotional pain, which is about emotional avoidance and really has nothing to do with the food itself. 

If you have been stuck in yo-yo dieting struggles for much many years, gaining and losing the same X amount of weight over and over again, it feels like “it must be me, I must be the problem.” However, the awareness that it is actually NOT about the food can be difficult to wrap your head around because food and body thoughts constantly preoccupy your mind. When this awareness, it’s not about the food, can be fully internalized, it can begin to set free the feelings of failure and shame that a yo-yo dieting history can create. Diet culture has instilled the belief that a diet can save us, that it IS about the food, that a diet can solve all of our body-image struggles and give us confidence and happiness. We now have a lot of research and data that shows quite the opposite, that diets actually have a nearly 96% failure rate, and yet they make the dieter feel as though it’s their fault. The culture is changing, however, it’s slow as these beliefs are deeply embedded and extremely pervasive.

Most people have a food story. A story that begins with their body being up for discussion from a very young age. One that begins with being put on a diet very early in their life. One that begins with not being allowed to eat things their siblings were allowed to because of their body size. One that begins with food being offered as the only sign they received from care givers of being loved or cared for. One that begins with food being an escape from loneliness, isolation, fear, and pain. One where they were told to ignore their hunger/full cues in order to clean their plates, or due to guilt of hungry children in other countries. One where access to food was scarce and inconsistent. One where food was a punishment. One where a parent actively restricted their food, commented on their own and other people’s bodies with constant judgement. No matter what your food story is about, the middle, the place where we can recognize that it’s not about the food, is where there is an opportunity to seize the moment and develop a deeper self-awareness. When we can fully understand that it’s not about the food, then we are free to explore, then what is it actually about?

Writing out your food story can be deeply healing and meaningful. In both my online course and workbook, I offer guidance to go through this process as an exercise as it’s an essential component in the process of healing your relationship with food. Ideally we all want food to be just food. We all want food to be something we eat for nourishment, pleasure, connection, and to feel good. We want to stop the food noise, body checking, and just feel good. If you have a complicated relationship with food, or one where food is both a problem for you as well as the solution to your problem, we have to interrupt the cycle and begin to create openings for the relationship and patterns to change. With any relationship, there needs to be awareness, honesty, shared experience, and open, respectful communication. In order to heal and transform our relationship with food, as well as with ourselves, we have to unlearn the old beliefs, stories, and fear of food and our bodies from the toxicity of the past to one of mutual respect and care.

When you examine the past, it’s not about drudging up pain and suffering, or pointing fingers and blaming, it’s about awareness. When we have a deeper understanding of how and why our relationship to food has become one of struggle, shame, and even contempt, we can begin to unravel, understand and hold the past with curiosity and compassion. When we start with awareness we can begin to develop a roadmap for ourselves to what we want from where we’ve been. When you know it’s not about the food, you know that there is no diet, wellness plan, or workout that will make you satisfied with food or your body. When you know it’s not about the food you can take a deep dive and excavate the roots of the emotions, the hurt, the struggles, and the external noise that became internal dialogue. When you know it’s not about the food, you can clearly see that healing is possible by walking through the wounds of the past, and into the hopeful space of the vision you can create for yourself. 

When time allows, spend some time writing out your food story and examine your own history. Then take anything that feels harmful, toxic, and just untrue, and begin to rewrite your story, write out your desires for your new, more loving, inclusive, and compassionate story going forward from today.

Beginning to Heal Food Guilt & Shame

When I’m working with someone on healing from emotional eating, an eating disorder, and body-image struggles in my therapy practice, healing the underlying guilt and shame is always a significant part of the process. Guilt and shame are two of the most common uncomfortable emotions that seem to overwhelm and plague those who encounter challenges with food and body-image.

So many people struggle with emotional eating, eating disorders, and body-image challenges, and when we first begin the work the therapy, their struggles and patterns with food feel impossible to change. When beginning the work it feels impossible to imagine that there is a path towards healing these patterns, and therefore, to healing the extremely uncomfortable emotions of guilt and shame.

All of our emotions are messages about how we are experiencing, or responding to the present moment. There are no good or bad emotions, although some are far more desirable to experience, and some are so uncomfortable that we subconsciously work really hard to not have to feel them. 

Some emotions we experience are congruent with our current experience and others are not. Guilt and shame are emotions that tend to be old, and not necessarily congruent with what is happening in the present moment. When we break it down to the root of these emotions, the message of guilt is “I did something wrong", and the message of shame is “I am something wrong.”

We can liken the experience of feeling guilty as a message from our conscience. If we did something wrong our conscience wants us to make it right, this is really useful, but only when it’s congruent with our present experience. If we ate something we deem as “bad” that does not mean we did something wrong, that does not warrant the discomfort of guilt. Shame goes deeper, Brene Brown defines it as, “Shame is that warm feeling that washes over us, making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough.” When we are experiencing guilt, we can examine it and understand fairly easily whether or not it’s congruent with our present experience. However, shame is much more uncomfortable, and more challenging to cope with for most of us.

When we experience shame, we often experience many uncomfortable emotions at the same time. When experiencing shame, there are often feelings of loneliness, isolation, and sadness as well. If shame is experienced internally as, “there is something wrong with my very being itself,” if shame is saying, “I’m small, flawed, and not good enough,” then in that moment, I’m experiencing myself as deeply unworthy. When we’ve experienced shame as a result of childhood trauma, or any trauma really, it becomes difficult to not get stuck in a shame spiral.

Many people I work with experience frustration in relation to their patterns with food. Those who struggle with binge-eating, or with feeling powerless to stop eating when they are full, or any other disordered patterns, often express feelings of guilt and shame. If guilt is experienced, we can break it down together in therapy sessions. We can explore, what is the guilt about? Did you actually do something wrong? We can then work to reframe the guilt. When it’s reframed into an opportunity to see how there can be something learned from this experience, that when I’m feeling out of control with food like this in the future, what small steps can be taken to begin to alter this pattern. Through verbal processing and reframing we can search for ways to find more grace, compassion, and therefore greater self-awareness, which is healing. When we apply curiosity to the guilt, it can be released, and we can have a greater understanding of why it happened in the first place. Once there is greater self-awareness and self-compassion, it becomes more likely that we can have the ability to handle a future similar circumstance with food more mindfully. When we can reframe the guilt, and recognize that “I didn’t do anything wrong, I can learn from this,” we feel empowered, hopeful, and more certain of our ability to change. 

When people struggle with this process of healing food and body-image challenges, and they feel it’ll be impossible to change, I prompt them to consider a time when something seemed impossible, and yet they did learn it, and now it comes easily and naturally. Examples often include riding a bike, rollerskating, learning an instrument, a new skill at work, and so on. Most people can identify with this ability, and it becomes an anecdote for the guilt. When you heal your guilt, there is more room for self-compassion, more willingness to use challenges and struggles as learning opportunities rather than it becoming a shame spiral. 

If the initial internal response of guilt with food struggles can be caught, reframed, and worked through in an empowering way, most people feel hopeful and ready for the challenge of learning new ways of being with food, their bodies, and themselves. They can trust that it may be daunting, however, it’s not impossible. Unfortunately, if it has been internalized over and over and over again that “I did something wrong, (guilt)” so therefore, “I’m a bad person, there’s something wrong with me (shame),” this internalized guilt becomes shame. The shame then becomes a dark cloud of pain inside and all around you. If you have experienced trauma in the past, then the shame can often feel familiar, and can lead to a state of internal suffering, anxiety, and depression, as well as an increased likelihood of an eating disorder. Shame is not logical, it’s a felt inner experience of deep pain and suffering.

Healing shame starts with naming the shame for what it is. Understanding and exploring where you picked up the negative internalized belief that “I am something wrong” in the first place is essential to healing. Healing shame begins with talking about it, naming it, and allowing ourselves to truly feel it, to learn from it, to hold it with curiosity and compassion. Only then can we begin to learn what the negative internalized beliefs are that we picked up, such as, I am unworthy, I am not good enough, I am unlovable, (just to name a few) and to heal where these beliefs were created or reinforced. EMDR therapy, Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), traditional talk therapy, and many other beneficial therapeutic styles, can all help work through the traumas and experiences that have created or reinforced these negative beliefs. Through the therapeutic process you can call out the shame for what it is, work through it, and ultimately heal it. 

Shame is one of the most painful, and therefore one of the most likely emotions to be avoided. It takes time to learn about your personal experience of shame. To understand where you picked it up, to identify how you experience it mentally, physically, and emotionally is essential. Be patient with yourself as you learn the process of listening to your body, to your internal language, and your true self. You then can benefit from developing an awareness of your personal window of tolerance. How long can you sit with the shame before it feels as though you want to eat, restrict, check-out, numb-out, or escape altogether? This is all helpful information, best when experienced and worked through in therapy. Learning how to be with yourself within your window of tolerance allows you to grow. Know that you are learning the new and difficult skills of emotional awareness and emotional experiencing. This is not easy work. Please be patient with yourself. Just like riding a bike or roller skating, emotional awareness and experiencing are worthwhile skills to stick with, although you might get a little scuffed up along the way. Once you learn the skills and integrate them, these new ways of being with food, your body and yourself, will be yours to keep.

One thing I know for sure after talking to people in a therapy setting for more than twenty years, is that no one gets to escape feeling pain and discomfort in this life. I also know for sure that no one deserves to live in a state of shame, especially those who struggle with food and body-image struggles. Once you can understand and release your shame, reframe any guilt experienced in the moment, you will see the new learning that can take place. Once you feel a sense of hope, you can see it as a skill that you just don’t know yet, but you can learn how to be mindful and intuitive when it comes to your food choices. With this hard work you move from shame toward self-empowerment. Ultimately, the goal of healing is to feel that you are always, unconditionally worthy. The goal of healing is to know that you are the expert on what your body wants and needs, and that you are enough—now, in this present moment, just as you are existing as you.