How to Cope with Loneliness

How connected do you feel to your internal emotional world? Many people feel quite disconnected and struggle with identifying, feeling, and accessing emotions. When you are working to heal emotional eating patterns, having an understanding of and connection to your inner emotional world is essential.

Connecting to emotions can be pretty uncomfortable and challenging - especially if you were given messages in your life directly or indirectly that your feelings were too much, inconvenient, bothersome, or invalid. If you’ve been soothing, numbing, avoiding, or suppressing your emotions with food for a long time, this may feel like a huge undertaking - and it can be. I encourage you to approach this inner work with curiosity and an opportunity for self-awareness and know that it is simple in concept but not necessarily easy in practice. However, it is worth the time, effort, and work - because you are worthy of feeling whole and connected to yourself and others. (Not sure if you’re an emotional eater? Take my quiz to learn more: Am I an Emotional Eater?) 

The BLAST protocol is an accessible process to use as an entry point to emotional awareness (this is where you ask yourself, am I bored, lonely, angry, stressed, sad, or tired?) Today I’m going to talk specifically about Loneliness - the L of the BLAST protocol - to help you understand it and offer strategies to approach loneliness with curiosity versus numbing and avoidance.

Loneliness craves connection, company, and even stimulation. Food often can feel like a friend, there when you need it, comforting, and enjoyable; however, it does not fill the void of desiring connection to yourself or others for long. Loneliness can also occur even when you are surrounded by people as feeling connected is the desire, not just proximity to people. Loneliness craves connection to people in a way that is meaningful and fulfilling, not just the physical presence of people.

Getting in touch with your internal emotional world requires practicing the pause of the pause, reflect, release protocol. When you notice yourself turning towards food or any other numbing or avoidant behavior, take a moment to first pause and check inward. This offering of space prior to acting on the craving can allow you to acknowledge if your craving may be driven by a desire to emotionally avoid or numb out. Practicing the pause consistently creates more space for self and emotional awareness.

It can be helpful to do an emotional check-in multiple times a day just to practice the pause and the ability to gain am increase in comfort in the practice and process of emotional awareness. This practice creates presence and awareness of what is really true right now. Loneliness often points to feeling disconnected, isolated, and even a sense of feeling lost in the aloneness. The practice of pausing is a helpful time to go through the BLAST protocol, and if you indeed notice you’re feeling lonely, consider what else might give you a feeling of meaningful connection to yourself or others. 

Loneliness is pervasive, and many people report feeling lonely quite often, whether or not there are people around them. Just being around people doesn’t necessarily create meaningful connection. And you can also experience being alone without the hollow feeling of loneliness. When you feel deeply and meaningfully connected to others or yourself, loneliness can dissolve. 

If you are experiencing loneliness as a lack of connection to others, consider those you feel (or have felt) truly connected to in some way. Can you reach out and call someone to talk, to schedule a time to go for a walk, to dinner, or on some other engaging activity with them? If you are feeling isolated and not connected to those in your life, it may be time to find new authentic connections in your life. This process can be really scary! You can start by researching meetups, classes, or clubs in your area or seek volunteer opportunities in your area. Volunteering and making a positive impact on the lives of others can often quell loneliness and offer meaning and purpose in a healthy way. 

If you feel lonely even in the presence of others, it may be time to work on those relationships, to have more open, meaningful, and supportive communication. This can feel awkward if the distance feels challenging between you and the other person/people. Just starting the dialogue can be a great place to begin, and if needed, working with a couples therapist, a family therapist, a self-help book, or other external support can be helpful.

If you notice that you feel lonely every time you are alone and that you struggle with negative self-talk or low self-worth, this lack of connection with yourself may make it difficult to forge relationships with yourself as well as with others. Finding support is a great place to begin, with a therapist or a coach. To become more self-focused and aware, you can spend time journaling and meditating and getting curious about what you want and why you are experiencing loneliness in your life at this time. When you can truly befriend yourself, you create more opportunities to feel connected to others without the longing or any desperation.

No matter what is driving the internal experience of loneliness, it can be a very painful experience, and this is why you might find yourself numbing and avoiding with things that only perpetuate feelings of isolation, hollowness, and lack of connection. Food can feel like a friend, like a connection, and yet it is temporary and often perpetuates discomfort.

The pause is where you can begin, identifying and validating your internal emotional experience. The reflection offers the why, as well as where you are feeling the most disconnected. The release is making the new choice, choosing another option to create awareness, which may be just learning to sit in the discomfort at first, and this may lead to offerings to grow greater connection to yourself, to those around you, or to the relationships yet to come. 

There are many wonderful ways to connect with yourself or others, start where you feel the least amount of resistance, and remember, most people are craving authentic connections as well. So take some time to reflect on where you might create more connection with yourself or others today and commit to your own personal growth.

How to Cope with Boredom

Managing emotional eating requires having an understanding of your internal emotional world. These experiences are often uncomfortable or challenging, and you may not even recognize that you are an emotional eaters if you’ve been soothing, numbing, avoiding, or suppressing your emotions with food for a long time. (You can take my quiz - Am I An Emotional Eater? here.) 

In my last blog post, I talked about the BLAST protocol as an entry point to emotional awareness. Today I’m going to talk specifically about boredom - the B of the BLAST protocol - to help break it down, cozy up to it, and offer strategies to approach boredom with curiosity versus numbing and avoidance.

Boredom craves stimulation, connection, engagement, and creativity; however, the opportunity to numb, distract, and check out has become all too easy with doom scrolling and quick and easy foods being super available—these go-to’s are often topping the list of how you might currently cope with boredom. I learned from a very early age to never claim that I felt bored; the few times I did my task list became long, arduous, and, well, in my opinion, quite boring. Cleaning is not at the top of my list of engaging, stimulating, or ways of connecting; however, it might be for you. And that is what we’re going to get curious about today, what tools and strategies work specifically for you.

In order to get in touch with any emotional experience, it is essential to practice the pause of the pause, reflect, and release protocol. During the pause, you can check inward and acknowledge that a craving may be driven by a desire to emotionally avoid or numb out. I recommend trying to practice the pause consistently, not just when noticing a craving, and to do an emotional check-in multiple times a day in order to grow emotional awareness. By doing so, you create presence and awareness of what is true right now. Without the pause, it is difficult to grow self-awareness. Ways you might practice the pause could be, prior to eating a meal and/or snack, prior to brushing your teeth, prior to opening up your phone to check social media, your email, the weather, the next video on YouTube… During the pause, you can go through the BLAST protocol (bored, lonely, angry stressed, sad, tired,) and if you indeed notice you’re bored, consider what else might give you a feeling of stimulation, connection, or engagement in your life.

Having a list of things you enjoy can be helpful. I call this the positive nourishment list. This is a list of 10-20 things you find pleasure in that are not food or tech-based that can create a connection to yourself or to others in a genuine way. First you can get curious about what your boredom really wants- and have options on your positive nourishment list that match the varying categories.

When you’re bored, doing something creative can tilt you into the eaves of your imagination. Examples for your positive nourishment list could include journaling, doodling, coloring, crafting, cooking, decorating, doing a puzzle, or reading; for you it could be cleaning if that is a creative outlet for you - really anything that is creatively engaging and enjoyable to you that can shift you into a more present moment experience.

Doing something movement-related may help to release some stagnant energy that boredom can produce as well. Examples for your positive nourishment list could include, taking a walk, doing some stretching or yoga, dancing, biking, or playing a sport. Movement can also help to get you into your body in a way that feels pleasurable and connected, and supports the process of releasing boredom.

If you notice within the boredom that you are procrastinating doing something that you don’t really want to do, maybe give yourself a time limit to do something you’d enjoy as a reward for after you complete that task for that period of time. That way, what you perceive as boring can be rewarded with something pleasurable, and the anticipation of knowing something you enjoy is on the way can create motivation.

If you notice your boredom is driven by lack of connection, some examples for your positive nourishment list could include calling a friend, going to a cafe and strike up a conversation with the barista, researching meetups or clubs in your area, or seeking volunteer opportunities in your area. If you notice that your boredom is driven by a lack of connection with yourself, examples for your positive nourishment list could include journaling, meditating, or finding a therapist or coach who can support you in getting curious about what you want and why you may be experiencing emptiness or constant boredom in your life at this time.

No matter what is driving the internal experience of boredom, it doesn’t feel good, and this is why you might find yourself numbing and avoiding things that only perpetuate feelings of emptiness, lack of connection, and lack of feeling stimulated or engaged with your life. The pause is where to begin; curiosity is part of reflecting, and the positive nourishment list is so helpful so that you can create new ways of engaging with your emotions, particularly that of boredom. The release is making the new choice, choosing another option other than numbing out with food or any other way so that you can create stimulation, connection, engagement, and fulfillment in your life today.

How to Create Emotional Awareness and Acceptance

Creating emotional awareness and acceptance builds self-trust and creates opportunities to become more emotionally regulated. This in turn creates a healthier mind and body. Emotional awareness can be very challenging, especially if you’ve spent a lot of unconscious energy suppressing your emotions.

Many of us learned early on that our emotions are a problem, a nuisance, or even that they are wrong or bad. Many people feel that they did not learn how to create emotional awareness within themselves and were even rewarded for denying their emotions. While caretakers, teachers, or other people who influence our lives from a young age may not set out to cause harm, not being able to identify, sit with, express, and release our feelings ends up causing harm in some form at some point in our lives.

If you have gotten really good at denying, avoiding, numbing, or suppressing your feelings, I want you to know that it is possible to, with time and practice, create emotional awareness and acceptance. There are many feelings wheels out there that are very helpful; however, I recommend starting with the BLAST method. (BLAST stands for Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stress, Sad, or Tired). This is a simple way to practice getting in touch with your emotions by naming your feeling first.

When practicing the BLAST method, you first need to create time and space to encourage the process of going inward. This is where it is vital to learn how to pause. Having a consistent time to practice taking a pause can be helpful to make it a part of your routine. You can check in with yourself by pausing before starting your day, before eating, before opening up your phone to scroll, before sending that email… During the pause, ask yourself, “Am I Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stressed, Sad, or Tired?” This opens you up to emotional awareness and reflection. Again, there are a ton of other emotions and feeling states that exist, however, these few tend to touch on some common uncomfortable emotions that drive behavioral denying, avoiding, numbing, or suppression of emotions.

Once you name an emotion, you can begin to tame it. Once you allow yourself to feel the feeling, you can begin to heal and release the feeling. Practicing the BLAST method is where to begin with emotional awareness. Once you bring the feeling state into your awareness, you can now practice emotional acceptance. This can get tricky depending on your personal relationship with your internal emotional world. This can be helpful to do with a therapist if you’ve experienced emotional disconnect for a long time and if you’ve had invalidating experiences that reinforced the negative messaging that your emotions are wrong, bad, inconvenient, or problematic. Emotional acceptance is about validating that your feelings are real and determining how congruent your feelings are with your present experience. You can then determine how to manage and cope as effectively as possible.

Emotional acceptance is nonjudgemental; it allows the emotion to just be, to not be labeled as good or bad, positive or negative; it just is. All emotions provide valuable messages about our internal experience. Then you can explore why it is there in the first place. Practicing the BLAST method allows you to determine in a general way what you are feeling. Once you’ve identified it, you can get curious about why it’s there. If you feel that you can name your feeling state from any of the emotions from the BLAST method, (Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stressed, Sad, or Tired) ask, “Why am I feeling this way?” When getting going with this work of emotional awareness and emotional acceptance, it can be helpful to journal - like a lot. Journaling increases your awareness, the ability to practice emotional acceptance, as well as your ability to validate your own unique emotional experiences. Journaling is a very valuable process of releasing your emotions and is a helpful way to cope.

To fully release the feeling, it’s helpful to understand why the feeling is there, then to consider what it might need. Starting with naming it, and then exploring the why behind it. With journaling, practice, and consistency, you’ll begin to create more space for emotional acceptance. When you can accept a feeling state for what it is and understand why it’s there, you can then choose how to manage this emotion. I’ll be breaking down each of the emotions from the BLAST method within the next several blogs, so stay tuned. Until then, practice naming and getting curious about why it’s there in the first place - without judgement. This is where you can lean into emotional acceptance which promotes self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-love.