Am I An Emotional Eater?

During these times of living in quarantine, the isolation and worry has anxiety and stress at an all-time high. Many who may not typically suffer with disordered eating patterns are finding that they are turning to food (amongst other things) to release their stress and numb out the variety of uncomfortable feelings they are encountering daily. This can create a negative and damaging pattern of emotional and stress eating as a coping skill for anxiety, stress, and any uncomfortable emotions. If the pattern is left unattended it can turn into more serious disordered eating patterns and significant struggles related to health and wellbeing in mind and body.

If you are unsure if you are an emotional eater, you can take the following quiz to assess how far you may have slipped into a pattern of stress and emotional eating. 

Am I an Emotional Eater?

1.    Do you find that you feel overly full or “stuffed” after meals?

2.    Do you find yourself snacking throughout the day even if you are not feeling hungry?

3.    Do you find yourself thinking about food many times throughout the day?

4.    Do you eat/snack at night after dinner?

5.    Do you hide your food from others?

6.    Do you struggle with unwanted weight gain/weight fluctuations? 

7.    Have you tried multiple diets, supplements, workout routines with some success of weight loss only to regain the majority of the weight?

8.    Do you feel as though you live your life in a state of rushing and trying to stay busy most of the time?

9.    Do you feel as though your body and your health are suffering due to your eating and stress? 

10. Do you have an outlet or way of coping with your stress and emotions that you use consistently, such as journaling, attending therapy, a creative outlet, a hobby, a meditation or mindfulness practice, moving your body regularly, someone to talk to that you trust…?

11. Do you practice self-care regularly? This means engaging regularly in intentional relaxation and things that you find enjoyable for example: mindfulness, yoga, exercise, massage, walking, deep breathing, social time with friends regularly, taking self-enrichment classes, spiritual connection, reading for fun, create art/music, listen to music, spending time in nature…?

Scoring:

• Give yourself 1 point each for a “Yes” on Questions 1-9

• Give yourself 1 point each for a “No” on Questions 10 & 11

• If your score is a 9 or higher you are most likely an emotional eater and it may be indicative of deeper concerns in relation to your relationship with food.

• If your score is a 4-8 you most likely turn to food for comfort and release of emotional and physical stress and are at risk of it becoming more disordered.

• If your score is 2-3 you may turn to food at times, but you most likely have some other outlets for your emotions as well and now is a good time to make choices about how to cope more effectively with the current stressors you are experiencing.

• If your score is a 0 or 1 you most likely are not an emotional/stress eater.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by your response, it’s ok, awareness is always the first step to creating meaningful change in your life. Often when you have been struggling with emotional or stress eating for some time, you don’t recognize the level of stress you experience. This is because you’ve been using food to not have to experience the depths of your emotions and stress, however if you are now becoming more aware, you may recognize the patterns more extensively.

When you have been numbing out the stress and uncomfortable emotions, it’s a process to begin to separate out your food choices from your emotions and there is a lot you can do to begin to empower yourself to break free from emotional and stress eating patterns.

If you are ready for another approach and have no idea of where to begin, you might begin by reading this blog: I Just Discovered I’m Emotional Eater, Now What? Once you are aware of the pattern you can start by tapping into your self-care and coping skills. Begin to discover what nourishes you that is not food. Connect with the inner workings of your emotional world and shift your relationship to them. Begin to manage your stress slowly and effectively.

Know that there is hope for healing and awareness is always the first step. If you need some support through the change process, I have written many blogs on the topic. This one is an overview of the 10-Steps to Create a Life You Love that may be a helpful place to begin (all 10 are written about in-depth if this one piques your interest!) I encourage you to read what resonates with you and begin to implement any suggestions that feel right for you.

I offer other resources on my resources page related to mindfulness and nutrition, you can check those out here and here. You can check out my book as a self-help guide, Wholistic Food Therapy: A Mindful Approach to Making Peace with Food, if you are interested, you can find it HERE.  I also offer individual coaching packages to those who prefer a one-on-one approach.

Another resource is my signature online program, Freedom From Emotional Eating. It is a 10-module online course designed to help you break free from emotional and stress eating patterns by addressing the struggle from the deepest roots. This is an in-depth, self-paced and mindfulness centered approach to make peace with food. It is currently significantly discounted to help those who may need extra support during these quarantined, isolating times. Now is the time to heal, to move forward and create the relationship with food and with yourself that you desire.

No matter what resources you access, I hope that you find the support you need during these challenging times. Opening yourself to change, growth and healing is life changing and empowering. That is what we all need during these challenging times. I hope this finds you safe and healthy. Be well!

Step TEN to Creating a Life You Love: Re-evaluation, Self-Compassion and Living in Grace

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” —Anne Lamott

The 10th and final step to create a life that you love is about graceful living and self-compassion through the growth process—which really is a lifelong process. With this final step, you may find that your goals shift and maybe even majorly change. Sometimes what you think you want dramatically changes when you are more engaged in the self-reflection and self-awareness process. With self-reflection it can come to light that what we think we want may really be what others have wanted for us—or what we think we should do rather than what we truly desire deep inside.

Currently a lot has changed with the COVID-19 virus impacting everyone all around the world. Have you noticed any shifts or changes from this significant shift in the way you work, commute, socialize and live your life? This is a helpful time to evaluate and re-evaluate your vision for your life, your goals and most importantly to focus on taking care of yourself.

Throughout this step there will be opportunities for evaluating and re-evaluating your personal change process. You want to ensure that you create a lifelong dedication to being true to your authentic self. Self-compassion and graceful living are at the core of this step. These are subtle and yet powerful shifts that solidify the benefits of the change process. They are rooted in mindfulness. How to be with yourself, how you treat yourself and care for yourself are essential to creating a life that you love. You spend a lot of time with you, and maybe at this time, more than ever before! When you are attempting to grow in self-leadership, you want to get along with, offer support to and care for yourself.

Living gracefully is being accepting, at ease and patient with life. Now if you are a total type-A person, that does not mean changing yourself at the core of who you are, that would not be living in authenticity. It does mean if you are type-A (a bit controlling, like things a certain way, impatient, maybe a little bossy?) that you could work to soften and create more grace towards yourself and others.

As you are engaging in the change process and feeling more grounded and empowered to live the life you want and a life that you love, it is helpful to re-evaluate where you are. As you reflect on how you got where you are, you can assess if this is in alignment with where you want to go. If you not, that’s ok! It’s better to know now. Life is short, but at the same time, life is a really long time to feel stuck and unfulfilled. It’s never too late to shift gears and create new goals and reimagine your vision—no matter what.

Self-compassion is an essential element to this process of personal growth and change. When you treat yourself with kindness you are more likely to extend that kindness outward and become resilient. There are three parts to the process of offering yourself compassion in times when you are struggling or feeling down on yourself. These three steps to self-compassion are: 

1.    Mindfulness- aligning with what is true right now. How are you feeling right now? Do not go into a judgmental space, just notice and allow yourself to be present with whatever is there.

2.    Universality- reminding yourself that you are human! Remind yourself that at times everyone feels this way.

3.    Kindness- say to yourself words that you would offer to a dear friend going through the exact same emotional experience or struggle. 

Here’s an example to highlight the process of offering yourself self-compassion: I am upset with myself for not completing my desired action steps and not following through with my plan for this week. I am beating myself up inside and feeling inadequate and like a failure. Shifting into self-compassion, first I become mindful of my emotions and ask myself, what is true right now? Then I acknowledge how I am feeling, right now, which could be: I feel inadequate, I feel like a failure, I feel frustrated, sad and defeated. Then I offer myself the experience of feeling the universality of this experience: sometimes everyone feels this way, at times everyone feels disappointed in themselves, this is a common human experience. Then I offer myself kindness and consider what I might say to a friend experiencing the same circumstance: I am committed to my goals, I just got distracted last week and that’s ok, there’s A LOT going on in the world right now that feels out of control. This week I can plan and prepare to follow through. It’s also ok to not push myself so hard when there are additional stressors out of my control in life. How do you feel after reading that? Think of a time you were hard on yourself and practice these three steps to experience how it feels to offer yourself self-compassion in the present moment.

When you are stuck in the thought cycle of beating yourself up, you will most likely stay in the disappointed and defeated state for a much longer period of time. This does not build resilience. When you apply that kind of grace to yourself you feel less pressure and you will be less likely to punish yourself internally. This process builds an extremely valuable inner resources such as feeling confident, strong and worthy. This process releases any internalized guilt and shame. This very simple three step process can produce profound shifts and results within your life.

Graceful living is living in a state of ease, not trying to control, force or judge anyone or anything—especially yourself. It is truly a kind way to be and exist within your life. Grace is not easy all the time and requires, just like anything else, practice. How can you approach something with a bit more grace today? Try it and notice the impact. Patience and releasing judgment are important factors, and they too are a practice—often a lifelong practice.

Now that you have been working through these ten steps, I hope you can integrate this very useful element of self-compassion and living in grace towards yourself and others. This not only allows you to create a life that you love, but to have a mindful, accepting and peaceful inner and outer experience.

Have you been using these steps to work towards any particular change in your life? I’d love to hear how this process has impacted you and the changes you desire. I do hope this finds you healthy and safe amid this global crisis. Please, take care of yourself and be well.

Embracing Nonjudgment

Nonjudgment is a key concept within mindfulness. Mindfulness is paying attention from moment to moment with a nonjudgmental awareness. Nonjudgment means not having a reactive response to what is occurring, not responding—especially in a stressful manner—to whatever is true right now.

Nonjudgment can be a challenging concept to embrace because it is part of the nature of the mind to judge. However, this function of the mind/thought is not for the sake of beating yourself up or passing judgment onto others. The purpose of the capacity of the mind to judge is to engage the ability to make the best choices for yourself in the moment.

Unfortunately, judging and responding in an emotional way to that formulated judgement has become something that happens more rampantly. This internalized or passed onto others judgment is contributing to deep suffering on many levels. When you judge yourself, you create a feeling of being not good enough, unworthy and increase your stress.

When you judge others in a way that triggers a negative opinion of them, you are most likely activating your ego rather than your true self. In this ego space you are not allowing yourself to be accepting or compassionate towards their reasons why they have/do/are…whatever it is you are basing this judgment upon. This creates a limit to the connection you could experience with that person and also creates a cloud around a more clear decision to not subject yourself to that person.

When you embrace the concept and action of nonjudgment, you are not considering something as good or bad, right or wrong. You are not passing your internal opinions and values onto another but practicing the ability to deeply accept the truth of what is presented before you. When you practice nonjudgment, you are able to connect with a level of inner freedom and peace that allows you to experience less stress and an overall sense of lightness and wellbeing.

If you feel that you operate often out of a space of constant judgment, know that increasing your capacity for nonjudgment and deeper acceptance is a practice. It takes time, effort and focus to cultivate within. The most effective way to build your ability to practice and be in a state of nonjudgment and acceptance is through a consistent mindfulness practice. The second is through deep self-reflection.

While creating a consistent mindfulness and meditation practice has a number of benefits, today’s focus is specific to the ability to practice nonjudgment and acceptance. Your ability to accept others directly correlates to your capacity to accept yourself. If this feels like a little off-putting to consider, that’s ok, that’s just your ego responding and your ego is sensitive, guarded and most likely a little fragile. I know that mine sure is, which is why this practice is so, so very important. Without the internal barometer of mindfulness, meditation and self-reflection, we get stuck operating out of the needs of our ego. This will not increase our capacity of joy but will only create a temporary experience of survival and safety. But fear is always lurking out there—which ironically only breeds more judgment and nonacceptance. Nonjudgment allows you to release your ego based fears.

There are several mindfulness and meditation practices that offer the ability to grow in your capacity for deeper acceptance of yourself and others and allow the judging mind and ego to rest and feel safe. The most accessible is as simple as connecting with the rhythm of your breath. When you mind wanders, first, make note if it is a thought riddled with judgment (not to judge yourself, only to build awareness!) and then label it as a just a thought, then let it go. This will occur over and over and over again throughout the course of a minute. Initially this practice can be quite exhausting, but absolutely worth the effort. I recommend that you start slowly here, with just one minute and increase from there.

The second phase needed to build acceptance and the ability to practice nonjudgment is deep self-reflection. With deep self-reflection you are taking a closer look at your thought process. In this phase you become curious about your biases, your judgments, how they came to be and why they occur. Do you judge people for their appearance? Do you judge people for their material possessions? Do you judge people for their voice, their tone, their speech patterns, their words? Do you judge other people for what they do and the choices they make? These judgments may happen, however in deep self-reflection you can begin to understand why. This self-reflection practice gives you the ability to become aware that you are not your thoughts. Regardless of the emotional response that may or may not be conjured up by a thought, you can practice in the space of the witness to label it as a thought, or a process of your mind, and then let it go.

Earlier I may have triggered your ego by saying that your capacity to accept others is equal to your capacity to accept yourself. If you find that you judge others, how much time do you spend judging yourself? How much time do you spend commenting internally or out loud because of your appearance or your material possessions or for you what you say, do or the choices you make? Often the ego deflects this internal pain and suffering onto others and it creates this internal anxiety that is underlying, well, pretty much everything. It is deeply uncomfortable and unsatisfying, and I believe that most of us live in this space unconsciously much of the time. 

If you are ready to heal from these internal patterns of thought, feelings and behaviors, today is the day to begin a mindfulness practice. If you are ready to dig deep and understand how these patterns arose in order to ensure that they remain at bay, then today is the day to begin deep self-reflection.