How to Strengthen Your Mindset Muscle

If you have ever tried to build muscle at the gym, then you know that only lifting weights once in a while simply won’t cut it if you want to get stronger. It’s through consistency and repetition that you begin to build your muscles and feel stronger over time. The same is true for building your mental muscles related to your mindset and creating the opportunity to change your own patterns.

Think of building your mindset as if it’s strengthening your mental muscles. Each time you practice strengthening your mindset you become stronger. If you take a long break from this practice, most likely you will have to start small and rebuild one repetition at a time in order to regain your strength.

Mindset is what you focus on with determination coupled with consistently following through. Mindset is the muscle you strengthen that supports the process of change through taking consistent action. Each time you practice engaging your mindset, you become far more likely to follow through on the action steps needed to create the change you desire.

When you have a strong and focused mindset you are able to work through the mental noise and take control of the mental gymnastics that can derail you. We all have an inner self-saboteur. When your mindset muscle is strong, you’re ready to deal with that saboteur part of yourself. Through strengthening your mindset, you are prepared to remain strong in the face of the internal saboteur—usually experienced as convincing excuses— that usually arise from fear or shame.

Fear and shame are two emotions that can keep you living small, keep you feeling stuck and out of alignment with your vision for your life. The trick is that you must experience and understand these emotions, allowing you to feel and recognize the fear and/or shame and get curious about why it’s there. The shame plays off of the fear by way of reminding yourself how you maybe didn’t follow through in the past. The shame will then try to convince you that you won’t follow through based on these perceived failures from the past. This inevitably makes you feel so crummy about yourself so that you feel safer feeling the fear of change rather than taking the action YOU KNOW would move you closer to your vision. The mind is so tricky to conquer. The good news is that with consistency and practice you can have a greater understanding of your patterns and where the fear and shame are just an old narrative that you DO have the power to change.

Setting the foundation to build your mindset and strengthen your mindset muscle begins with knowing what you want and why you want it. When you can connect to your vision for your life and set goals, you have your future self to route for you and support you through the change process. The process from there really comes down to putting in the effort and using the energy of your hope for and belief in your future self to create a plan and then to take decisive action—consistently.

As always, it’s most effective for long-term sustainable change when you start small and develop your own inner trust muscle. You have to trust yourself; you have to believe in yourself. That is where you have to face—and at times wrestle with—the discomfort of any lingering experience of fear or shame. If you haven’t believed in or trusted your own abilities in the past, then it will try to come back and convince you that it won’t now either.

Setting up your plan based on your vision for your life and the goals that support your vision with action steps gives you a roadmap to follow. You want your goals and action steps to be simple, specific, doable and desirable. You build on these steps over time as you begin to trust yourself and believe that you not only can, but that you WILL follow through. For example, if you want to move more, you might begin with putting on the clothes you want to move in and wearing them for the time you want to move. The next time, wear the clothes and move for 5-10 minutes. Plan each detail such as the days you will do this and specifics of what you will do for the week. Review at the end of the week and check in with what happened when you did follow through and what happened when you didn’t. Understanding your own pitfalls, blocks and inner saboteur as well as what motivates you gives you valuable information about how to move forward. Self-reflection and self-awareness will guide your process. You can apply this process to anything you’d like to integrate, change or do.

When you do this consistently, week to week, you will be strengthening your mindset muscle, which will draw you closer to your vision for your life. If you are someone who prefers step-by-step specifics, try the going through these steps below to begin strengthening your mindset today.

1.    What do you want?

2.    Why do you want this?

3.    What will allow you to get what you want?

4.    When will you do the action that allows you get what you want?

5.    What fear or shame comes up for you around taking this action?

6.    Where can you start small and put these actions into place?

7.    Now create your plan.

8.    Now reflect on how it goes and learn from your struggles and from what motivates you.

9.    Practice, be consistent!

10. Re-evaluate.

If you go through these steps to strengthen your mindset muscle so you can align yourself with your vision for your best life, I would love to hear how it goes. If you’d like a refresher on the 10 steps to create a life you love, you can revisit the full overview HERE or go to the blog and read about each step in depth. Change is challenging and yet necessary for growth. The stronger your mindset is through the change process, the more alignment you will experience with your vision for a life you love. Practice strengthening your mindset muscle and you will feel the impact within your life in so many positive ways.

Step TEN to Creating a Life You Love: Re-evaluation, Self-Compassion and Living in Grace

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” —Anne Lamott

The 10th and final step to create a life that you love is about graceful living and self-compassion through the growth process—which really is a lifelong process. With this final step, you may find that your goals shift and maybe even majorly change. Sometimes what you think you want dramatically changes when you are more engaged in the self-reflection and self-awareness process. With self-reflection it can come to light that what we think we want may really be what others have wanted for us—or what we think we should do rather than what we truly desire deep inside.

Currently a lot has changed with the COVID-19 virus impacting everyone all around the world. Have you noticed any shifts or changes from this significant shift in the way you work, commute, socialize and live your life? This is a helpful time to evaluate and re-evaluate your vision for your life, your goals and most importantly to focus on taking care of yourself.

Throughout this step there will be opportunities for evaluating and re-evaluating your personal change process. You want to ensure that you create a lifelong dedication to being true to your authentic self. Self-compassion and graceful living are at the core of this step. These are subtle and yet powerful shifts that solidify the benefits of the change process. They are rooted in mindfulness. How to be with yourself, how you treat yourself and care for yourself are essential to creating a life that you love. You spend a lot of time with you, and maybe at this time, more than ever before! When you are attempting to grow in self-leadership, you want to get along with, offer support to and care for yourself.

Living gracefully is being accepting, at ease and patient with life. Now if you are a total type-A person, that does not mean changing yourself at the core of who you are, that would not be living in authenticity. It does mean if you are type-A (a bit controlling, like things a certain way, impatient, maybe a little bossy?) that you could work to soften and create more grace towards yourself and others.

As you are engaging in the change process and feeling more grounded and empowered to live the life you want and a life that you love, it is helpful to re-evaluate where you are. As you reflect on how you got where you are, you can assess if this is in alignment with where you want to go. If you not, that’s ok! It’s better to know now. Life is short, but at the same time, life is a really long time to feel stuck and unfulfilled. It’s never too late to shift gears and create new goals and reimagine your vision—no matter what.

Self-compassion is an essential element to this process of personal growth and change. When you treat yourself with kindness you are more likely to extend that kindness outward and become resilient. There are three parts to the process of offering yourself compassion in times when you are struggling or feeling down on yourself. These three steps to self-compassion are: 

1.    Mindfulness- aligning with what is true right now. How are you feeling right now? Do not go into a judgmental space, just notice and allow yourself to be present with whatever is there.

2.    Universality- reminding yourself that you are human! Remind yourself that at times everyone feels this way.

3.    Kindness- say to yourself words that you would offer to a dear friend going through the exact same emotional experience or struggle. 

Here’s an example to highlight the process of offering yourself self-compassion: I am upset with myself for not completing my desired action steps and not following through with my plan for this week. I am beating myself up inside and feeling inadequate and like a failure. Shifting into self-compassion, first I become mindful of my emotions and ask myself, what is true right now? Then I acknowledge how I am feeling, right now, which could be: I feel inadequate, I feel like a failure, I feel frustrated, sad and defeated. Then I offer myself the experience of feeling the universality of this experience: sometimes everyone feels this way, at times everyone feels disappointed in themselves, this is a common human experience. Then I offer myself kindness and consider what I might say to a friend experiencing the same circumstance: I am committed to my goals, I just got distracted last week and that’s ok, there’s A LOT going on in the world right now that feels out of control. This week I can plan and prepare to follow through. It’s also ok to not push myself so hard when there are additional stressors out of my control in life. How do you feel after reading that? Think of a time you were hard on yourself and practice these three steps to experience how it feels to offer yourself self-compassion in the present moment.

When you are stuck in the thought cycle of beating yourself up, you will most likely stay in the disappointed and defeated state for a much longer period of time. This does not build resilience. When you apply that kind of grace to yourself you feel less pressure and you will be less likely to punish yourself internally. This process builds an extremely valuable inner resources such as feeling confident, strong and worthy. This process releases any internalized guilt and shame. This very simple three step process can produce profound shifts and results within your life.

Graceful living is living in a state of ease, not trying to control, force or judge anyone or anything—especially yourself. It is truly a kind way to be and exist within your life. Grace is not easy all the time and requires, just like anything else, practice. How can you approach something with a bit more grace today? Try it and notice the impact. Patience and releasing judgment are important factors, and they too are a practice—often a lifelong practice.

Now that you have been working through these ten steps, I hope you can integrate this very useful element of self-compassion and living in grace towards yourself and others. This not only allows you to create a life that you love, but to have a mindful, accepting and peaceful inner and outer experience.

Have you been using these steps to work towards any particular change in your life? I’d love to hear how this process has impacted you and the changes you desire. I do hope this finds you healthy and safe amid this global crisis. Please, take care of yourself and be well.

Step NINE to Create a Life You Love: Making Adjustments to the Change Process Through Self-Reflection

“But there is a corollary to freedom and that's personal responsibility, and the real challenge is how you generate that personal responsibility without imposing it.” —Esther Dyson

Step 9 to creating a life that you love is about understanding how new learning can be integrated throughout your personal change process and how you can apply it to all areas of your life. Most likely you will need to make adjustments, and these will be based on constant self-reflection. Fine tuning your change process by taking personal responsibility for your life is a big part of this step. You continue to deepen your self-reflection and self-awareness in order to stay motivated and connected to your vision. This process ensures that you continue to feel good about the person you are growing into on a daily basis. You will also give yourself space to celebrate all of the shifts and changes you have created up to this point in the process.

As humans we are driven by and respond to rewards. Rewarding, celebrating and staying focused on what is going well throughout your change process helps to create this subtle shift in growing in the direction of who you want to be and how you want to live. As you celebrate and apply your new learning it is helpful to share those insights and skills with others. When you share with others you solidify and strengthen what you have learned. This sharing process makes it more real, more solid and more grounded within you.

Taking personal responsibility for your life is closing the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. As you have formed new habits, focused on what’s going well and accessed your support team as needed, living within the ability to make choices based on your vision is essential. This demonstrates the ability to take personal responsibility for your life. This is where many people get stuck. They struggle to keep going, to stick with the practices that work once they feel good and complacency can start to creep in… complacency can destroy your vision.

When you take personal responsibility for your life, you essentially ask yourself before each choice, decision and undertaking you make, “does this choice support my vision?” If the answer is no, then is it worth it? Ultimately, you have to decide this, often multiple times a day. This is where reviewing and staying true to the process of change is essential. The thing is, you don’t just go through the steps once and create a life you love. You have to review, redo and keep moving forward by taking personal responsibility for your life every single day. When things go awry it’s easy to look outside yourself for where to place the blame. This is not taking personal responsibility. When you can look within and reflect on your own blind spots, your shadow and patterns, you have the ability to continue to fine-tune them. 

While self-awareness is the heart of step 1, it’s necessary throughout each and every step to build on your self-awareness through constant self-reflection. This is how you can make the necessary adjustments. One way to do this is through integrating rewards and celebrating what is going well. Step 9 is really about constantly reintegrating all of the previous steps so that you don’t find yourself in a state of complacency, that where you’ve made it to is good enough even though your vision is much greater. In step 9 you remind yourself not to settle, to keep moving towards what you want and remaining aligned with why you want it.

When you engage in regular self-reflection, make the necessary adjustments and celebrate your wins, you will find yourself closer to living in alignment with your vision. When you take personal responsibility for your life, stay in alignment with your greater vision and reward yourself for your shifts no matter how small, you will find yourself creating a life that you love.