Step TWO to Creating a Life You Love: Aligning with Your Purpose

“If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.” ―Jack Canfield

Do you feel that you are living in alignment with your life’s purpose? If not, or if you don’t even have an inkling what your purpose might be, you are not alone. Many people feel that having a purpose means that you need to be working/living/sleeping/breathing that purpose every second of every day. This is not this case. If you think your purpose has to be on par with saving the world, something magnificent and deeply meaningful, that may keep you stuck from actually aligning with it. Your purpose is your own and cannot be created by anyone else or diminished in any way. It may or may not have anything to do with your work, but more with how you approach your work and how you live your life.

Knowing what you want in life, why you want it and having a vision for your life—a vision that aligns with your personal values and brings you joy—that is living your purpose! This brings us to the heart of step two, which is creating a vision for your life based on your values and desires and then beginning to make a series of choices (through goal setting/action steps) in order to create the opportunity to live a life that you love. This opens you up to your purpose, which is the continual process of growing into a better, more whole, more evolved version of you.

The process of visioning is inspiring, motivating and fun. I love visioning. I love creating an image in my mind’s eye of what I want and feeling the inspiration that comes from believing in myself and having a dream that is expansive. When I first created a vision board, I discovered it was about so much more than just wishing for nice things to have one day in the future. I discovered the process of setting intentions to align how I live with what I want and how it is imperative to remain connected to the WHY behind the desire. When I connected with why I wanted certain elements or things in my life I could connect with my purpose. The why creates constant inspiration, and inspiration allows me to express myself and feel authentic and in alignment with my sense of purpose. The vision board process was a part of that alignment because through creating my vision for my life, I grew in self-awareness. Through this process, I was able to see that if there is something I want in my life; I am responsible for making it happen.

I created that first vision board at least ten years ago, and when I periodically look back on it, I see how much I have created within my life because of the intention behind it. I have since used visioning as a regular practice, I use a list now (although I still collect images that I will one day make into a new vision board!) and I connect with my list often by reading it, visualizing it and asking myself what I am doing or what action am I taking to allow these desires to enter my life.

Practicing mindfulness and visualization consistently helps to create a sense of being centered and allows me to recognize any internal resistance (any internal naysayers) so that I can clear those blocks and stay focused on what I want and why I want it. This process is connected to the self-awareness we built through step one. The energy that is created through visioning, visualizing and staying in alignment with the WHY driving what I want helps to generate momentum. When I have momentum I am more likely to take action to create the changes necessary to live my vision. Only then can I truly connect with my vision and sense of purpose from a non-ego-based space (this is not necessarily easy!) My vision, and a reminder of it daily, is a consistent reminder to take action. When I am feeling a little lazy, or when I am listening to my internal negative naysayers, it’s so helpful to pull out my list, do some visualization, connect with the action steps that will lead me to creating my vision and feel motivated to do the work…but I’m getting ahead of myself—we’ll cover more of that in future steps! For now, let’s focus on the vision and its connection to aligning with your purpose.

This step will offer you continued inspiration as well as direction to take your broader vision and bring it into your daily life in a realistic, useful and meaningful way. In step two you will connect to why you want what you want and (spoiler alert!) in step three you will create a plan of action through goals and action steps. The process of visioning and creating self-awareness is about so much more than fantasy or imaginary desire, it’s a creative connection to what you want at your core, what lights you up and brings you joy. Visioning creates a spark within, a hope and need for growth, change and fulfillment. Your vision inspires a greater version of yourself to become a possibility. As you bring this step into your focus this week, I hope you begin to feel that spark and let it continue to light you up every single day. What you want is possible, but it’s up to you to create it, to build it and to grow it all throughout your life. And this is how you align with your purpose.

So now it’s time to put step two to work. Pull out your favorite journal—or anything to write with and on—and get ready to tap into your sense of purpose through your vision for your life. Let yourself take this time to connect deeply with what you want and why you want it. Answer the following questions with the first answers that come to mind, try not to overthink it and definitely DO NOT judge what comes up for you, just write!

1.    What do I want? Be as specific and detailed as possible. DO NOT let your fears, limiting beliefs or any internal naysayers get in your way! There is nothing too small or large, too crazy or sane, too perfect or messy…just write it allllll out!

2.    How would it make me feel emotionally if I had this?

3.    How would it feel in my body to have this?

4. Why do I want this?

5. What do I value the most and why?

6. What do I find myself most often searching for/reading/researching on the internet?

7. What do I daydream about?

8. What does a perfect “work” day look like for me?

9. What does a perfect “off” day look like for me?

10. If I was living my purpose and vision six months from now what would my life look like? (Be as specific as possible.)

11. How do I want to feel?

Take time to read back everything you wrote and write out your vision for what you want now. If you notice any internal resistance, judgments or ego superiority/inferiority trying to jump in your way, pause, remind yourself of how what you want makes you feel and keep writing. Be as detailed and positive as possible. Believe in the possibility that you can create a life you love through aligning with your vision and purpose.

Every day this week connect with your vision, what you want and why you want it. Read and re-read your vision, give yourself time to sit with the good feelings that come up along with the hope that your vision will become your reality. Stay in a space of self-awareness, knowing that this is your vision and there is a deeper reason as to why you want it, why it is important to you and how you can begin to connect with it as a possibility on a daily basis. Take time to examine where your purpose shows itself to you within your vision, your values and why you want what you want. Take time to enjoy the process and fully experience the joy in aligning with your vision and your purpose without having to try to control or know exactly what comes next.

Next week we will explore step three, Creating a Plan of ACTION! Until then, happy visioning!

Step ONE to Creating a Life You Love: Self-Awareness

“Self awareness is the honest ability to take a look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad.” –Debbie Ford

Last week I introduced ten steps to creating a life that you love and over the next ten posts I’ll be diving deeper into each step. When I think about any of the changes I have made in life, usually the first time I attempted the change it didn’t stick. Things like exercising consistently, eating well, self-care, meditation, reducing stress and anxiety, all did not integrate so easily. When I was able to examine why I couldn’t seem to be consistent, I realized a lot about myself and how I operate. I need structure, support, accountability—and I have to need and want the change for a reason bigger than “I should” do this. It was through the process of self-reflection and self-awareness I could see where I was getting in my own way of making the changes I claimed I wanted in my life. That leads me to step one, which is self-awareness. This step encourages a process and specific practices to become deeply self-aware.

In order to know yourself fully and understand your patterns—whether they are positive (encourage change and consistency) or negative (self-sabotage and fear based)—and get comfortable with the discomfort of change, you MUST have self-awareness. This first step to creating a life that you love offers you the ultimate foundation for change. The process of becoming more self-aware allows you to explore and examine your internal emotional world, how you respond to life, what motivates and inspires you as well as the often self-created blocks to change that are standing in your way.

Mindfulness is a major part of this step, as is self-compassion. Having a deeper understanding why you have not yet made the changes you set out to make more than once is key to knowing yourself and building your Inner Strength to make it happen. When you are living mindfully you create opportunities to know yourself and accept yourself completely with a nonjudgmental awareness. When you can remove the judgment you remove pain and shame. This step presents opportunities to create practices to live a truly mindful life. As you become more self-aware, present and accepting, you will begin to tune into and listen to your inner wisdom.

Understanding how to be mindful and practicing mindfulness have been big time game changers in my life. I have learned that I am indeed my own worst enemy—or my greatest ally. If you have had a desire to make a specific change in your life, possibly in relation to your relationship with food, understanding yourself and why you have not stepped into a space of change will create the opportunity to open yourself up to the possibilities on the other side of your limiting beliefs and fears.

When it comes to emotional and stress eating, the difficult part about change can be not understanding how it became a negative pattern, and then not knowing what else to do with stress and uncomfortable emotions besides soothe them with food (or fill in food with whatever your self sabotage patterns may be). That is why self-awareness is where we start. When you become self-aware, you understand and see clearly where your patterns have arisen from so that you can begin to create change through self-awareness, self-reflection and self-compassion.

While self-awareness is understanding that the patterns exist, self-reflection allows you to understand how these unhealthy patterns originated and become “stuck” and then self-compassion creates internal peace and acceptance. All of these elements require that you are mindful, that you are fully present and that you engage with what is true right now without judging it. This vital piece of mindfulness—the nonjudgment—is the kicker! You might feel really adept at being present, however, your ego might have a WHOLE LOT to say about the present moment as it is being presented to you—this is right, this wrong, this your fault, this is their fault, you are superior, you are inferior—the poor ego is where we usually hold much of our internal messiness. Being nonjudgmental and compassionate recognizes that we all are a mess to some degree and that is not good or bad, it’s just what is true right now.

Below are some questions that allow you tap into what you want in a reflective way. These questions offer an opportunity to understand your limiting beliefs, your internal “mess” and begin to not only challenge them, but understand that they are a part of your past and you no longer need them as you move forward. Couple this self-reflection with self-awareness and a daily dose of mindfulness and you will be well immersed in step one!

Pull out your favorite journal or any pen and paper and as you read each question just begin to “free write” whatever comes to mind. Don’t overthink this and definitely do not judge what comes up and out. Just write…

1.    What do I think when I hear the word change?

2.    How does it feel in my body when I think about the word change?

3.    What do I want?

4.    What limiting beliefs do I have about what you want?

5.    Do I believe it is possible for me to have this, why or why not?

6.    Is any of what I want coming from a space of ego, meaning what others will think if I had this, or having this makes me a better or worse person in the eyes of others?

7.    Are there any internal judgments coming up inside of me because I want this?

8.    How much do I want this, how long have I wanted this, what have I done so far to get this?

9.    What is the reason I have not pursued what I want?

10. Where did this reason come from?

11. What motivates me when I do pursue what I want?

12. What is my biggest fear?

Now read back over your answers and notice how it feels to be in a space of self-reflection and self-awareness. I recommend that you follow up with some free writing from a space of self-compassion. The three steps to self-compassion are: 1. mindfulness, recognizing how you are feeling in this moment without judging it; 2. creating a sense of connection, recognizing that at times everyone feels this way; and 3. kindness, speaking to yourself as you would a friend about why you have not moved forward towards what you want as well as offering yourself kind reassurance. Write down your biggest insights that you have created through self-reflection.

I encourage you to practice a mindful minute every day for this next week (and beyond!) where you set a timer and begin to connect to the rhythm of your breath. Any time you notice that you are attending to a distraction, such as a thought, a sound, an emotion or a body sensation, release the distraction and return your focus to your breath. Your mind may get distracted every second, that’s ok! Just return your focus to your breath every second! Mindfulness is called a practice for a reason! Remember that in life you get good at what you practice…

So that’s first step towards creating a life that you love, self-awareness. When you know yourself and stop judging yourself—and you open yourself to understanding your own blocks and doing the work to move forward—you set yourself up to create a life that you love.

I will be back next week with step two, aligning with your sense of purpose. This step will be fun and engaging, however, it will be most helpful to move forward when you understand why you have been standing still, so do the work this week to reflect to prepare yourself to tap into your vision and purpose!

Inner Strength Focus: Growing Temperance to Heal Emotional Eating

We are now halfway through deeply examining the six inner strengths that research points to living a full, happy life. I’ve been talking about how to grow these strengths in relation to the ability to create a healthy relationship with food and with your body. Just as a reminder, the first three were curiosity, vitality and giving and receiving love. The one we will examine today in relation to creating a peaceful relationship with food is temperance. Temperance is an inner resource of acceptance, forgiveness and compassion.

Growing the ability to create greater temperance as an inner strength and positive resource is not a task for the weary. It requires the ability to examine your ego’s desires, to observe your own blind spots and to let go—of a lot—mostly emotions…among other things. This is often much easier in a space of desire than in a space of putting it into practice. Our ego tends to be stubborn and likes to keep its heels dug into its neediness and beliefs about the way things should be. Letting go of some of the stuck emotions that create space for temperance to grow can be a challenge. 

When we apply temperance to an unhealthy relationship with food, it allows more ability to build acceptance that the dieting/restriction mentality that you may have been dancing with for years is damaging. When you build temperance you can forgive yourself for not treating your body in a kind manner—both through what you might have done (or still do it) with food. This could be restriction of certain foods, portions or over-doing-it with food. This also relates to the words and tone you use in your inner dialogue or even out loud about food and your body. Creating space for self-compassion is key and is often the last rung on ladder of temperance that we reach reach. So, let’s dig into this dynamic inner strength and start growing some temperance to reach a higher state of happiness and contentment within and, of course, to begin to make peace with food and with yourself. 

So, first let’s observe a scenario that represents a lack of temperance, where it’s not yet a strength, and then we’ll focus on how to develop, build and grow it over time. Without temperance we often blame others for our suffering, feel like a victim and ruminate on all of our problems over and over and over again. When you apply this to food and body image it’s a constant struggle with worrying about what to eat and then scolding yourself for your choices. Lack of temperance is making negative comments about our own body and even other peoples bodies. It’s holding onto anger and resentment about a number on a scale or a piece of cake (or maybe a few pieces of cake) that got eaten—or that you denied yourself. When we lack temperance we constantly feel like our food choices and our bodies are never going to be good enough and then feel angry about it and we end up over eating or over restricting/excessive exercise to punish ourselves—leading back into a vicious and dangerous cycle where food is the problem, food is the solution… This creates a desire to be “fixed” and we are yet again googling about the latest fad diet, exercise program or hypnosis program for weight loss…

The good news is that when temperance is instilled and nurtured as an inner strength the opposite of the above is possible (and if food/body image is not your vice or struggle you can plug in whatever your personal struggle may be to get the same end result). Acceptance is the foundation of temperance. To grow the ability to accept what is true in this moment without judgment or resistance is a serious challenge. Think about the last time you were sitting there thinking about just how content you are with everything in your life. It may not happen as often as you might like—if it has happened recently for you at all. Creating opportunities for acceptance will begin to create more peace and contentment.

The first place to begin is with offering acceptance to the present moment—just as it is. That means you accept the present moment without rejecting it, without trying to change it, and without judgment. This is mindfulness in action. When you are not in a state of acceptance you are most likely in a state of wishing for something, or in a state of wanting what you right now cannot have. This lack of acceptance for the present moment creates an experience of suffering. To apply this concept to your body image, think about this, if you are wishing for your body to look different that it currently does or for the number on the scale to be different than it is, then you are only perpetuating the experience of suffering in this moment. If you can be present with what is true and not judge it, you can make a choice. If you want something to change, how can you begin to make a series of choices that move you closer towards that change you desire? This can propel you you into action mode rather than victim/stagnancy mode/wishing and not doing anything to change your struggle mode.

Forgiveness and acceptance are interconnected. Forgiveness is the structure of temperance and can be defined like this: forgiveness is releasing the wish that the past could be been any different. Sounds a lot like acceptance, right? Forgiveness is an offering and a freeing so it incorporates acceptance and moves into letting go. When you hold onto resentment towards yourself or others you are holding onto toxic suppressed emotions that only create negative thought patterns. Forgiveness is not necessarily an easy process and generally is not a forced process but a very conscious letting go. This requires patience, knowing that it may take a good bit of time to forgive completely.

Forgiveness is a decision to let go over and over again and it can free you from the toxic emotions. If you are holding onto resentment towards yourself for your patterns with food or body image, you can practice forgiving yourself for eating a certain food. You can forgive yourself for restricting a certain food. You can forgive yourself for not starting today like you said you would, or for not getting in that workout you planned to do. When you forgive yourself you will feel more empowered to create the change you want from a place of self-compassion rather than from a place of self-loathing and resentment. When you operate out of self-compassion you allow yourself to be human and to struggle without punishing yourself for mistakes. This creates inner freedom and peace.

Practicing self-compassion is offering kindness and care towards yourself. You can free your judging thoughts, you can let go of trying to force something or control your food and get in touch with your body in a new, more intuitive way. When you do this, you create a space for understanding your process, your struggles, your low motivation and search for solutions that actually work and are driven out of kindness.

Four actions you can take, starting today to build temperance as an inner strength are:

1.    Practice mindfulness for 5 minutes and notice if you are attempting to judge or control the present moment. Can you align with what is true right now without attempting to change it?

2.    Use the affirmation: “In this moment I accept myself unconditionally” Your mind may try to immediately put conditions on your ability to accept yourself (if I was this size, if I looked this way, if I hadn’t eaten that, if I…) practice letting go of the conditions and continue stating it to yourself until you can just be with it as truth.

3.    Notice how you speak to yourself and practice forgiving yourself for anything you view as a mistake. If you find you are beating yourself up internally, stop, and say to yourself, “I forgive myself for _________________.” Notice how that feels to offer compassion and forgiveness.

4. Take action. Make a choice based on self-compassion, forgiveness and feel temperance growing within as you take action towards living in this space of acceptance.

If you practice these four elements this week, notice the impact and let me know how they work for you. Building the inner strength of temperance is a process, and not meant to be an overnight change. As you continue to grow these inner strengths and use them as internal supports to make peace with food, notice how impactful the way you interact with yourself can be. These strengths represent being and feeling strong from the inside out. When you are strong you demonstrate more resilience and more ability to be self-aware. I’d love to hear about your journey to building these inner strengths within!