Step NINE to Create a Life You Love: Making Adjustments to the Change Process Through Self-Reflection

“But there is a corollary to freedom and that's personal responsibility, and the real challenge is how you generate that personal responsibility without imposing it.” —Esther Dyson

Step 9 to creating a life that you love is about understanding how new learning can be integrated throughout your personal change process and how you can apply it to all areas of your life. Most likely you will need to make adjustments, and these will be based on constant self-reflection. Fine tuning your change process by taking personal responsibility for your life is a big part of this step. You continue to deepen your self-reflection and self-awareness in order to stay motivated and connected to your vision. This process ensures that you continue to feel good about the person you are growing into on a daily basis. You will also give yourself space to celebrate all of the shifts and changes you have created up to this point in the process.

As humans we are driven by and respond to rewards. Rewarding, celebrating and staying focused on what is going well throughout your change process helps to create this subtle shift in growing in the direction of who you want to be and how you want to live. As you celebrate and apply your new learning it is helpful to share those insights and skills with others. When you share with others you solidify and strengthen what you have learned. This sharing process makes it more real, more solid and more grounded within you.

Taking personal responsibility for your life is closing the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. As you have formed new habits, focused on what’s going well and accessed your support team as needed, living within the ability to make choices based on your vision is essential. This demonstrates the ability to take personal responsibility for your life. This is where many people get stuck. They struggle to keep going, to stick with the practices that work once they feel good and complacency can start to creep in… complacency can destroy your vision.

When you take personal responsibility for your life, you essentially ask yourself before each choice, decision and undertaking you make, “does this choice support my vision?” If the answer is no, then is it worth it? Ultimately, you have to decide this, often multiple times a day. This is where reviewing and staying true to the process of change is essential. The thing is, you don’t just go through the steps once and create a life you love. You have to review, redo and keep moving forward by taking personal responsibility for your life every single day. When things go awry it’s easy to look outside yourself for where to place the blame. This is not taking personal responsibility. When you can look within and reflect on your own blind spots, your shadow and patterns, you have the ability to continue to fine-tune them. 

While self-awareness is the heart of step 1, it’s necessary throughout each and every step to build on your self-awareness through constant self-reflection. This is how you can make the necessary adjustments. One way to do this is through integrating rewards and celebrating what is going well. Step 9 is really about constantly reintegrating all of the previous steps so that you don’t find yourself in a state of complacency, that where you’ve made it to is good enough even though your vision is much greater. In step 9 you remind yourself not to settle, to keep moving towards what you want and remaining aligned with why you want it.

When you engage in regular self-reflection, make the necessary adjustments and celebrate your wins, you will find yourself closer to living in alignment with your vision. When you take personal responsibility for your life, stay in alignment with your greater vision and reward yourself for your shifts no matter how small, you will find yourself creating a life that you love.

Step THREE to Creating a Life You Love: Create a Plan of Action

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” ― Benjamin Franklin

Today I am talking about Step three to Creating a Life You Love: Creating a Plan of Action. Creating a plan of action allows you to take your vision and purpose and make them a reality. Without a plan, your vision will remain only a dream. This step will help you outline your specific plan through goal setting and use it to create consistent action towards what you desire. Once you have a sense of purpose and a clear vision, you will focus with a new mindset so that you can execute effectively in order to create a life that you love.

When you create and use a clear, specific plan, you will create an opportunity to live your vision in action and this is an essential step to creating change. Creating a vision is fun and creative, while formulating a plan is practical and action focused. Your specific plan will allow you to move into a space of action, a space of change that you desire where you will live your vision and purpose.

This time of year, we often have a vision of a better version of ourselves, a hope that we will make better choices and set a resolution of sorts to move in that direction. How many people still remember or are actively working towards a new year’s resolution by February? Unfortunately, not so many. This is most likely because they did not have a plan, they got stuck in the wishing and hoping phase. The process to create a plan of action is this: 1. Set specific doable and desirable goals, 2. Create 3-5 specific action steps that will allow you meet that goal 3. Write in your planner/calendar when you will complete the action steps each week 4. Execute your plan! 5. Reward yourself.

These steps are the essential formula to living your vision and creating a life that you love. These steps create order and opportunity to put your vision into action. If your vision for your life is to live a long, healthy, happy, vibrant life, without a starting point of a goal or any action steps to take, it most likely will remain a hope, a wish for it to happen one day... When you put this system into place, change will have to happen. When you begin to make the changes, no matter how uncomfortable that may be in the beginning of the process (the execution/sticking to the plan) you will feel good about yourself. We all know that it feels good to feel good, so you will want more of that, which is positive motivation to keep executing your action plan.

So let’s get started on formulating your goals, action steps and a plan of action today. First, review your vision for your life that you created during step 2: Aligning with Your Sense of Purpose. When you review it, what stands out the most? What do you truly want and why do you want it? How does what you want align with your greater sense of purpose and personal values? As you review these elements of your vision, what is ONE goal you can set that will help you create your vision? Write this down. Now ask yourself, is this goal specific, meaning is it measurable? How will you know when you’ve reached this goal? Ask yourself if this is doable, meaning will you be able to put it into action within your current life, schedule and routines? And lastly, ask yourself, is this goal desirable, meaning do you really want it? Read your goal out loud to yourself. Now let’s work on the steps you will take to make this goal accessible within your life by creating the specific action steps.

Write down 3-5 action steps that will make this goal a reality. Let’s say your overall vision is living a long healthy, happy, vibrant life. For example, one goal to support this vision could be to exercise for at least 30 minutes 3-5 times/week. It is this specific? Yes, it describes what: exercise for at least 30 minutes and when: 3-5 days each week. Now let’s create the supportive action steps it will take to make this happen, where you will get even more specific. Some examples of action steps that support this goal are: 1. To hit your 10,000 steps at least 2x’s/week 2. To take a movement class weekly that you enjoy (yoga, dance, something at the gym…) 3. To take the stairs anytime they are a reasonable option 4. Take a hike in nature 1x/month 5. Break a sweat at least 2x’s/week (jog, HIIT, brisk walking, vigorous yoga, barre class, strength training…) These are all specific and you want to ensure that whatever action steps you develop, they are also doable and desirable within your current life.

Now it’s time create your plan. When you pre-plan exactly when you will do these action steps you will be 90% more likely to make it happen. So get out your planner/calendar and write down specifically when you will do each of the action steps that you created, including the day and the time. If you’d prefer to focus on 1 or 2 action steps to begin, then do that. When you integrate change slowly and consistently you will be more likely to sustain the changes. Create this as a weekly practice, planning what, when, where etc…to ensure that it becomes a habit within your life. This is how your vision becomes a reality, by taking consistent action.

This brings us to execution, meaning actually doing what you planned to do in the first place. It’s one thing to make a plan, it’s a whole other thing to execute it consistently. This is where mindset is super valuable. Visualize yourself taking action, allow it to become nonnegotiable (no excuses!) When you create a sense of alignment with your vision and purpose and remain connected to why you want what you want, you will be motivated to execute your plan consistently. Do something that allows you to stay connected to your vision in some form each day to increase your motivation and commitment to take consistent action.

The last element of creating your plan of action is to reward yourself when you meet your goals. As humans, we are driven by rewards. For something such as an exercise goal, you might set a monthly reward if you stick to your plan of action and consistently execute your plan 3 out of 4 weeks. What reward feels motivating and equal to the work you will do towards creating this change? Maybe it’s a new pair of shoes or clothing for a specific exercise routine, maybe it’s a class at a favorite yoga center, or a new water bottle—anything connected to supporting your goal. If that doesn’t feel motivating, then it’s not the right reward for you. Maybe you would feel more motivated by a spa treatment, a nice dinner out or anything else you find enjoyable and worth the work you are doing to create this change. Celebrate your accomplishment and recognize the work you do to create the change you want.

Once your goal has become a part of your routine and it’s no longer something you have to think about and something you no longer resist, it will be deeply integrated into your lifestyle. This is when you know it is time to move into the next goal, where you will start at the beginning of the process, reviewing your vision and determining where to go next. I hope you have fun with this step of creating a plan of action. This step is about committing to yourself, your vision and your purpose so you can bring your vision into reality, starting today!

Step TWO to Creating a Life You Love: Aligning with Your Purpose

“If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.” ―Jack Canfield

Do you feel that you are living in alignment with your life’s purpose? If not, or if you don’t even have an inkling what your purpose might be, you are not alone. Many people feel that having a purpose means that you need to be working/living/sleeping/breathing that purpose every second of every day. This is not this case. If you think your purpose has to be on par with saving the world, something magnificent and deeply meaningful, that may keep you stuck from actually aligning with it. Your purpose is your own and cannot be created by anyone else or diminished in any way. It may or may not have anything to do with your work, but more with how you approach your work and how you live your life.

Knowing what you want in life, why you want it and having a vision for your life—a vision that aligns with your personal values and brings you joy—that is living your purpose! This brings us to the heart of step two, which is creating a vision for your life based on your values and desires and then beginning to make a series of choices (through goal setting/action steps) in order to create the opportunity to live a life that you love. This opens you up to your purpose, which is the continual process of growing into a better, more whole, more evolved version of you.

The process of visioning is inspiring, motivating and fun. I love visioning. I love creating an image in my mind’s eye of what I want and feeling the inspiration that comes from believing in myself and having a dream that is expansive. When I first created a vision board, I discovered it was about so much more than just wishing for nice things to have one day in the future. I discovered the process of setting intentions to align how I live with what I want and how it is imperative to remain connected to the WHY behind the desire. When I connected with why I wanted certain elements or things in my life I could connect with my purpose. The why creates constant inspiration, and inspiration allows me to express myself and feel authentic and in alignment with my sense of purpose. The vision board process was a part of that alignment because through creating my vision for my life, I grew in self-awareness. Through this process, I was able to see that if there is something I want in my life; I am responsible for making it happen.

I created that first vision board at least ten years ago, and when I periodically look back on it, I see how much I have created within my life because of the intention behind it. I have since used visioning as a regular practice, I use a list now (although I still collect images that I will one day make into a new vision board!) and I connect with my list often by reading it, visualizing it and asking myself what I am doing or what action am I taking to allow these desires to enter my life.

Practicing mindfulness and visualization consistently helps to create a sense of being centered and allows me to recognize any internal resistance (any internal naysayers) so that I can clear those blocks and stay focused on what I want and why I want it. This process is connected to the self-awareness we built through step one. The energy that is created through visioning, visualizing and staying in alignment with the WHY driving what I want helps to generate momentum. When I have momentum I am more likely to take action to create the changes necessary to live my vision. Only then can I truly connect with my vision and sense of purpose from a non-ego-based space (this is not necessarily easy!) My vision, and a reminder of it daily, is a consistent reminder to take action. When I am feeling a little lazy, or when I am listening to my internal negative naysayers, it’s so helpful to pull out my list, do some visualization, connect with the action steps that will lead me to creating my vision and feel motivated to do the work…but I’m getting ahead of myself—we’ll cover more of that in future steps! For now, let’s focus on the vision and its connection to aligning with your purpose.

This step will offer you continued inspiration as well as direction to take your broader vision and bring it into your daily life in a realistic, useful and meaningful way. In step two you will connect to why you want what you want and (spoiler alert!) in step three you will create a plan of action through goals and action steps. The process of visioning and creating self-awareness is about so much more than fantasy or imaginary desire, it’s a creative connection to what you want at your core, what lights you up and brings you joy. Visioning creates a spark within, a hope and need for growth, change and fulfillment. Your vision inspires a greater version of yourself to become a possibility. As you bring this step into your focus this week, I hope you begin to feel that spark and let it continue to light you up every single day. What you want is possible, but it’s up to you to create it, to build it and to grow it all throughout your life. And this is how you align with your purpose.

So now it’s time to put step two to work. Pull out your favorite journal—or anything to write with and on—and get ready to tap into your sense of purpose through your vision for your life. Let yourself take this time to connect deeply with what you want and why you want it. Answer the following questions with the first answers that come to mind, try not to overthink it and definitely DO NOT judge what comes up for you, just write!

1.    What do I want? Be as specific and detailed as possible. DO NOT let your fears, limiting beliefs or any internal naysayers get in your way! There is nothing too small or large, too crazy or sane, too perfect or messy…just write it allllll out!

2.    How would it make me feel emotionally if I had this?

3.    How would it feel in my body to have this?

4. Why do I want this?

5. What do I value the most and why?

6. What do I find myself most often searching for/reading/researching on the internet?

7. What do I daydream about?

8. What does a perfect “work” day look like for me?

9. What does a perfect “off” day look like for me?

10. If I was living my purpose and vision six months from now what would my life look like? (Be as specific as possible.)

11. How do I want to feel?

Take time to read back everything you wrote and write out your vision for what you want now. If you notice any internal resistance, judgments or ego superiority/inferiority trying to jump in your way, pause, remind yourself of how what you want makes you feel and keep writing. Be as detailed and positive as possible. Believe in the possibility that you can create a life you love through aligning with your vision and purpose.

Every day this week connect with your vision, what you want and why you want it. Read and re-read your vision, give yourself time to sit with the good feelings that come up along with the hope that your vision will become your reality. Stay in a space of self-awareness, knowing that this is your vision and there is a deeper reason as to why you want it, why it is important to you and how you can begin to connect with it as a possibility on a daily basis. Take time to examine where your purpose shows itself to you within your vision, your values and why you want what you want. Take time to enjoy the process and fully experience the joy in aligning with your vision and your purpose without having to try to control or know exactly what comes next.

Next week we will explore step three, Creating a Plan of ACTION! Until then, happy visioning!