How to Make Healthy Habits Stick

Welcoming a new year often comes with hopes and dreams of change. You might see new year new you! all over social media, you might be hearing a lot of chatter about new year’s resolutions, you might even be creating your own. When it comes to change and creating new habits in life that are pretty different than your current habits, it takes a lot more than dreaming about the changes we want.

You see, creating a new habit is hard. There are countless books written on this topic, all so full of great information trying to hack our human nature that so strongly pulls us to return to our set point of being. While there are many great tactics out there to create new habits and make them stick, the one thread that seems to run through them all is practicing the new desired habit long enough so that you no longer have to think about it anymore. The process up to that point can be dicey, but it is possible.

Generally our brains are fairly lazy. Once it doesn’t have to work so hard to resist the changes we are trying to make, it finally accepts the new habit and then stops resisting it. Eventually the new habit occurs unresisted, without having to think about it. When you are trying to create any change in your life, the inevitable force you are up against is just yourself and the old habit you are trying to replace. You have to constantly work towards convincing yourself that the new habit is worth keeping around through practice and consistency.

When it comes to healing from a life of chronic dieting and emotional eating, it can be tough to create a new habit of relating to food in a non-emotional way. The truth is that diets don’t work but creating new healthy habits, one small incremental step at a time does. If you want to transform your relationship with food, your body and yourself, it’s best to start small, acknowledge and accept that it will take time, effort, concentration, focus, backsliding and picking yourself back up and planning and…you get it, it just takes a lot.

It’s helpful to start the process of change and healing your relationship with food with giving up the belief that a diet or any “lifestyle” or wellness program will cure everything. It is helpful to then get really clear on why you want what you want. Having a plan, a dedicated focus and the willingness to commit to yourself and recommit to yourself over and over again will bring you closer to making this desired change.

I think one reason change and creating new habits is so hard is because we’ve been seduced by the idea that it should be easy. This idea sells a lot of diets, program and systems. So much media attention is placed on 3 simple tricks to…, or the 1 hack you need to…, or how to lose X pounds fast while still eating whatever you want. These are all sensational, get our attention and when it doesn’t provide the promised result we just get caught up into the next shiny headline.

If you can let go of the belief that it will be easy, simple and fast and then trust yourself to show up for what you want, it may not be fast and easy but it will be possible. There might be some fun hacks, and it might be interesting to learn what makes us tick, but there is nothing like starting where you are with what you have and making a choice that today is the day—every single day.

To begin, know what you want, what vision you have for yourself, make sure you are super clear on WHY you want this. It’s helpful when your why is enough to motivate you during those times when your motivation wanes. Then determine the habit you’d like to create that will help move you closer to where you’d like to be and why you want to be there.

Now consider the action steps it will take to implement this habit. For example, if you’d like to begin eating more vegetables, the action steps might be, 1. Buy a leafy green or other vegetable that you like, 2. Have a recipe ready to prepare this vegetable, 3. Plan what day you will cook/prepare this recipe, 4. Follow through on your plan, 5. Reflect on how you feel. 6. Repeat!

The process of reflecting on how you feel will help you navigate how it’s really going and what you might need to shift or change. This is how habits become sustainable, when they are doable within your current life schedule, desirable-you truly want it-and when they are not rigid. If it isn’t doable, desirable and if you feel like you have to be perfect you are setting yourself up for failure.

Once this new habit is FIRMLY in place (you no longer have to think about it anymore and you are eating vegetables every single day without resistance) choose the next habit you’d like to implement. This process is simple and yet definitely not easy. There are going to be days you don’t want to eat your veggies. There will be days you have to throw a vegetable away because you never got around to preparing it or eating it. There will be days you don’t have time… These will feel like failures and it feels terrible to fail so then we figure it’s easier to just stop and give up then it is to try again and possibly fail again. This is backsliding. Backsliding is an inevitable part of the process of change.

When backsliding occurs, please don’t get discouraged. Return to reflecting on your goals, what you want and understand why it’s not working. Find the belief in what you want to be possible so you can keep trudging forward with your plan. Return to WHY you want this and let that help to support you and motivate you to keep trying. Then one magical day you’ll just be eating your vegetables without having to think about it (or do the exercise or meditation or cleaning or stop eating when satisfied or…whatever your goal may be) and you will feel the benefits of your hard work, determination and the willingness to believe in yourself.

There is no simple trick, only the determination to put in the work and make it happen, even when—especially when—you don’t want to. Staying the course even when you backslide, even when it’s hard, will help you learn and grow and create the change you desire. One day it becomes not so hard, and you feel the shift and that’s when you know you can savor the changes you’ve made and even begin to look to what’s next. Consider taking yourself through this process and prepare yourself for the challenges and the delights that lie ahead.

Happy New Year!!

5 Morning Rituals to Set Up Your Quarantined Days For Success

For so many of us, this time of social distancing and living in quarantine has our normal routines all out of sorts. Whether you are now working from home, temporarily not working, have become a home-schooling parent or a combination of all these, any routine you once had has most likely been thrown far out the window.

I know the first week I was working solely from home I felt super out of sorts. I like the structure and routine of getting ready for work, my commute time and settling into my office for the day. Now that my commute is from one room to another and my schedule has become quite different, it’s been challenging to create a new normal. I also know that my motivation has been impacted by the uncertainty and anxiety of all that is going on and a resistance to getting used to a new routine that is hopefully just temporary.

Having a daily routine is one of the most effective ways to set yourself up for success. Typically, having a schedule and a plan creates more opportunities for feeling productive. Motivation can be different when you are away from your typical routine as well. Here are five morning rituals you can integrate right away to begin to set yourself up to ease into your day, to establish a mindset of positivity and way to embrace your “new normal.”

1.   START YOUR DAY WITH GRATITUDE

When you begin your day feeling grateful, you set yourself up for feeling positive, calm and with a mindset of abundance. When you are grateful for what you have, focus on what is going well and feel the impact of gratitude, you remain free from anxiety.

Start the day using a gratitude journal and write down two or more things you are grateful for in this moment. They can be super simple, like waking up in a warm bed, feeling grateful for someone you care about, or for your health. Anytime you find yourself anxious or feeling a sense of lack or desperation, reflect on past days from your journal and notice the impact.

If journaling is not your thing, you can wake up and start the day simply by saying “Thank You.” You can express gratitude for your food before you eat or just silently state to yourself what you are grateful for in this moment. Beginning the day with gratitude creates an attitude of receptivity, positivity and hope.

2.   USE A DAILY CENTERING PRACTICE

When you use a centering practice such a meditation, deep breathing, mindfulness, prayer or reading something inspiring, you create an opportunity to release yourself from any anxiety, stress or other mental and emotional discomfort. Whatever practice feels the most comfortable for you, dedicate 5-30 minutes to this. When you feel centered and grounded, you are more likely to feel resilient and focused throughout your day.

Simply connecting to your breath, meditating, praying or reading something inspiring creates a connection to the present moment where you are free from anxious thoughts about the future and feelings of regret about the past. When you can stay grounded, centered and focused in the present moment you create a feeling of true freedom and an opportunity for joy. Don’t we all need that at this time—and really all of the time! This is a powerful way to begin your day.

3.   MOVE YOUR BODY

Dedicating a period of time to move your body in a way that makes you feel good in the morning helps to create energy for the day. This could be something very simple, like a 10-minute full body stretch, or something more complex, like a 45-minute workout. It could also be something in-between, like a 20-minute brisk walk.

Whatever you choose, let it be something that you enjoy, that makes you feel energized and builds momentum to make it through the day. If you are used to exercising at a different time of day, still take a few minutes to stretch or get your blood flowing in the morning. When you are working from home you are less likely to get in the amount of movement you would if you were commuting to work or taking your kids to school. This extra movement first thing in the morning helps to build and grow your energy while burning off stress.

4.   CREATE YOUR ACTION PLAN

When you create a plan of action, you set yourself up for success. When you do not have a plan, you might feel more scattered and disorganized. If you have a plan you will most likely be more productive. More importantly, having a plan creates a feeling of control and mastery. During these uncertain times, many people are feeling out of control due to all of the unknowns. This anxiety is toxic and can cause stagnancy.

When you create an action plan, you provide yourself with structure. This structure allows you to feel in control as you are leading yourself to where you want to go. This plan also creates a focus and a feeling of mastery. It feels really good to check things off of your to-do list! Every time you check off an action that was completed you are sending yourself a feeling of being rewarded. This builds confidence and motivation to keep plugging away at your action plan.

5.   MINDSET VISUALIZATION 

The last ritual is mindset visualization. When you put your action plan onto paper, take a moment and visualize yourself completing each item. When you place something into your mindset you are 90% more likely to get it done. This visualization is like a pre-rehearsal; therefore, your mind will be less resistant to it once the time arrives to get it done.

As you go through each item on your action plan and really see yourself completing it, notice any resistance you experience in that moment. How will you push through and ensure that you get it done? When you tackle any possible resistance early in your day while setting your mindset, you will be astounded by how the resistance dissipates and allows you to get more done.

Try implementing these five morning rituals and see how they help impact your day. These simple tools will become a habit as you practice integrating them daily.

Step FIVE to Creating a Life You Love: Monitor Your Process and Respond to Obstacles Along the Way

Step five to creating a life that you love covers the need to monitor your process and progress and respond to obstacles that will inevitably arise in order to create the change you desire. Here’s a quick review to see how these steps are flowing together. In step one, you created self-awareness through self-reflection and looking deeply inward. Step two was about aligning with your sense of purpose through creating a vision for what you want. Step three allowed you to create a plan of action in order to create the possibility for the changes to occur through goals and action steps executed consistently. Step four encouraged evaluating your current life and lifestyle to assess and assure that you are keeping your body and mind well. That leads us to step five, monitoring your process and progress and responding to obstacles as the arise. We all know that it’s one thing to create a plan, it’s another to execute it consistently over time! Step five allows you to explore your inner resistance to change and learn how to build your resilience to ensure that the change you desire shifts from a wish into reality-based action.

Resistance to change is generally the number one reason we don’t follow through consistently. Resistance dampens motivation, zaps inspiration and keeps us stuck in the discomfort of our comfort zone. Resistance convinces us that we are better off in the discomfort of our comfort zones and creates fear to stretching into change. This step will help you build resilience as an anecdote to resistance and offer some serious reality checks to keep you moving forward.

In order to overcome resistance and create the change you desire; you need to build resilience. Resilience is only created through difficulty, struggle and the need to get up, dust yourself off, and begin again…sometimes, but not always, right back at the beginning. This can be frustrating and sad and allows the resistance to settle in strong. Resilience is the ability to recover and the ability to feel your fear and persevere anyway. There is no way to hack the process of becoming resilient. The only way is to grow your resilience is through experience. People who are resilient have been through a lot, have developed grit, learned from their struggles and have the desire to create change that is stronger than the fear of failure, rejection and disappointment.

When you review your vision, goals and the action steps that will allow it to happen, are you executing your plan of action consistently? If not, what are the excuses that you are telling yourself? Where is your primary resistance to making the changes you desire? Resistance can look like a lot like procrastination, and uses pretty much any excuse, for example, “I don’t have enough time, I’ll do it tomorrow, I’ll start tomorrow, I’m too tired, I don’t know where to start, I forgot, I’m worried it’ll be too hard, I got pulled away by something else, if only, I want to but…” and on and on. If this sounds like what might be churning in your head, take a moment and challenge the resistance that is showing up for you. Ask yourself the following questions if you find you are resisting getting started on or sticking with your goals and actions steps consistently:

-Why am I avoiding this?

-What am I most afraid of, and why?

-Is there something small I can do to test it out and see how it feels to take action?

-Am I ready for this change?

-How badly do I want to live my vision?

-What am I choosing over my vision?

-What is the cost to me to not live my vision and make this change?

-Where can I find inspiration to make this change?

We all have an inner need to grow, to pursue, to create and to evolve. If we are not, that is where true stress, discomfort and challenge will show up in our lives. The trouble is that we are usually the ones that get in our own way of creating the change we say we want. Fear is self-doubt and an inner belief of either we aren’t worthy or deserving of this change, or on the other side of that, that we will be successful and worry how will that will impact our current lives, relationships and way of living. I can tell you that you are deserving and worthy of what you want, however, it is up to you to create this inner belief. I can also tell you that as you create change in your life, it may impact and disrupt your life, but those that support you and care about you will be there for you, and if they don’t, maybe they’re not your people.

Self-sabotage can show up easily and it can feel like an increase of excuses that may hum in the background of your mind. Change requires that you stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone and this process is uncomfortable. No one likes to be uncomfortable. When you persevere, the discomfort is temporary—just while you are in the stretching process—yet the payoff will create feelings of accomplishment, hope, determination, worthiness and joy.

Approaching change will benefit from some solid problem-solving through monitoring your process. If this is a change you’ve attempted in the past, where do you usually bail out? Where do you foresee self-sabotage to occur? If you can manage to preempt some foreseeable struggles, you create a plan for managing those struggles. I recommend that you create your plan of action weekly and check in with your plan of action daily. Where did you execute and where did you not execute? Why did you or did you not complete your action steps? How can you keep it going (if you did!) or make some shifts to motivate yourself if you didn’t. Get deeply curious about why you did execute or why you didn’t. You might be able to borrow from where you did execute to help support the areas where you did not.

Check in with any internal resistance daily as well. Notice any fear that is there and get curious about that. Why is it here? What happened to create this fear? Does it relate to the past? What is worst that can really happen? Resistance usually shows up in the form of internal (not true and certainly not useful) stories we create and we believe those stories. This is not an effective game plan! It can be helpful to sit with the opposites, if that potential fear-based story is true, couldn’t the opposite be true as well? For example, if you find you are resistant because you don’t trust yourself to follow through for the long term, couldn’t it also be true that you have made changes and now have the support to follow through for the long term? Both are not yet reality, however if a negative belief is true couldn’t a neutral or positive belief also be true? The only person we all have any control over in the world is our future self.

Today, attempt to do your future self a favor and commit, stick with your goals and take action. Practice taking action to cure your fears and allow your vision to become your life. A helpful mantra to remind yourself in any moments of resistance is, feel the fear and do it anyway! When you do, notice how you feel about yourself, notice your self-worth increasing. That is how you will continue to manage obstacles, build resilience, determination and a new way to focus on you!