How to Make Healthy Habits Stick

Welcoming a new year often comes with hopes and dreams of change. You might see new year new you! all over social media, you might be hearing a lot of chatter about new year’s resolutions, you might even be creating your own. When it comes to change and creating new habits in life that are pretty different than your current habits, it takes a lot more than dreaming about the changes we want.

You see, creating a new habit is hard. There are countless books written on this topic, all so full of great information trying to hack our human nature that so strongly pulls us to return to our set point of being. While there are many great tactics out there to create new habits and make them stick, the one thread that seems to run through them all is practicing the new desired habit long enough so that you no longer have to think about it anymore. The process up to that point can be dicey, but it is possible.

Generally our brains are fairly lazy. Once it doesn’t have to work so hard to resist the changes we are trying to make, it finally accepts the new habit and then stops resisting it. Eventually the new habit occurs unresisted, without having to think about it. When you are trying to create any change in your life, the inevitable force you are up against is just yourself and the old habit you are trying to replace. You have to constantly work towards convincing yourself that the new habit is worth keeping around through practice and consistency.

When it comes to healing from a life of chronic dieting and emotional eating, it can be tough to create a new habit of relating to food in a non-emotional way. The truth is that diets don’t work but creating new healthy habits, one small incremental step at a time does. If you want to transform your relationship with food, your body and yourself, it’s best to start small, acknowledge and accept that it will take time, effort, concentration, focus, backsliding and picking yourself back up and planning and…you get it, it just takes a lot.

It’s helpful to start the process of change and healing your relationship with food with giving up the belief that a diet or any “lifestyle” or wellness program will cure everything. It is helpful to then get really clear on why you want what you want. Having a plan, a dedicated focus and the willingness to commit to yourself and recommit to yourself over and over again will bring you closer to making this desired change.

I think one reason change and creating new habits is so hard is because we’ve been seduced by the idea that it should be easy. This idea sells a lot of diets, program and systems. So much media attention is placed on 3 simple tricks to…, or the 1 hack you need to…, or how to lose X pounds fast while still eating whatever you want. These are all sensational, get our attention and when it doesn’t provide the promised result we just get caught up into the next shiny headline.

If you can let go of the belief that it will be easy, simple and fast and then trust yourself to show up for what you want, it may not be fast and easy but it will be possible. There might be some fun hacks, and it might be interesting to learn what makes us tick, but there is nothing like starting where you are with what you have and making a choice that today is the day—every single day.

To begin, know what you want, what vision you have for yourself, make sure you are super clear on WHY you want this. It’s helpful when your why is enough to motivate you during those times when your motivation wanes. Then determine the habit you’d like to create that will help move you closer to where you’d like to be and why you want to be there.

Now consider the action steps it will take to implement this habit. For example, if you’d like to begin eating more vegetables, the action steps might be, 1. Buy a leafy green or other vegetable that you like, 2. Have a recipe ready to prepare this vegetable, 3. Plan what day you will cook/prepare this recipe, 4. Follow through on your plan, 5. Reflect on how you feel. 6. Repeat!

The process of reflecting on how you feel will help you navigate how it’s really going and what you might need to shift or change. This is how habits become sustainable, when they are doable within your current life schedule, desirable-you truly want it-and when they are not rigid. If it isn’t doable, desirable and if you feel like you have to be perfect you are setting yourself up for failure.

Once this new habit is FIRMLY in place (you no longer have to think about it anymore and you are eating vegetables every single day without resistance) choose the next habit you’d like to implement. This process is simple and yet definitely not easy. There are going to be days you don’t want to eat your veggies. There will be days you have to throw a vegetable away because you never got around to preparing it or eating it. There will be days you don’t have time… These will feel like failures and it feels terrible to fail so then we figure it’s easier to just stop and give up then it is to try again and possibly fail again. This is backsliding. Backsliding is an inevitable part of the process of change.

When backsliding occurs, please don’t get discouraged. Return to reflecting on your goals, what you want and understand why it’s not working. Find the belief in what you want to be possible so you can keep trudging forward with your plan. Return to WHY you want this and let that help to support you and motivate you to keep trying. Then one magical day you’ll just be eating your vegetables without having to think about it (or do the exercise or meditation or cleaning or stop eating when satisfied or…whatever your goal may be) and you will feel the benefits of your hard work, determination and the willingness to believe in yourself.

There is no simple trick, only the determination to put in the work and make it happen, even when—especially when—you don’t want to. Staying the course even when you backslide, even when it’s hard, will help you learn and grow and create the change you desire. One day it becomes not so hard, and you feel the shift and that’s when you know you can savor the changes you’ve made and even begin to look to what’s next. Consider taking yourself through this process and prepare yourself for the challenges and the delights that lie ahead.

Happy New Year!!

Step NINE to Create a Life You Love: Making Adjustments to the Change Process Through Self-Reflection

“But there is a corollary to freedom and that's personal responsibility, and the real challenge is how you generate that personal responsibility without imposing it.” —Esther Dyson

Step 9 to creating a life that you love is about understanding how new learning can be integrated throughout your personal change process and how you can apply it to all areas of your life. Most likely you will need to make adjustments, and these will be based on constant self-reflection. Fine tuning your change process by taking personal responsibility for your life is a big part of this step. You continue to deepen your self-reflection and self-awareness in order to stay motivated and connected to your vision. This process ensures that you continue to feel good about the person you are growing into on a daily basis. You will also give yourself space to celebrate all of the shifts and changes you have created up to this point in the process.

As humans we are driven by and respond to rewards. Rewarding, celebrating and staying focused on what is going well throughout your change process helps to create this subtle shift in growing in the direction of who you want to be and how you want to live. As you celebrate and apply your new learning it is helpful to share those insights and skills with others. When you share with others you solidify and strengthen what you have learned. This sharing process makes it more real, more solid and more grounded within you.

Taking personal responsibility for your life is closing the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. As you have formed new habits, focused on what’s going well and accessed your support team as needed, living within the ability to make choices based on your vision is essential. This demonstrates the ability to take personal responsibility for your life. This is where many people get stuck. They struggle to keep going, to stick with the practices that work once they feel good and complacency can start to creep in… complacency can destroy your vision.

When you take personal responsibility for your life, you essentially ask yourself before each choice, decision and undertaking you make, “does this choice support my vision?” If the answer is no, then is it worth it? Ultimately, you have to decide this, often multiple times a day. This is where reviewing and staying true to the process of change is essential. The thing is, you don’t just go through the steps once and create a life you love. You have to review, redo and keep moving forward by taking personal responsibility for your life every single day. When things go awry it’s easy to look outside yourself for where to place the blame. This is not taking personal responsibility. When you can look within and reflect on your own blind spots, your shadow and patterns, you have the ability to continue to fine-tune them. 

While self-awareness is the heart of step 1, it’s necessary throughout each and every step to build on your self-awareness through constant self-reflection. This is how you can make the necessary adjustments. One way to do this is through integrating rewards and celebrating what is going well. Step 9 is really about constantly reintegrating all of the previous steps so that you don’t find yourself in a state of complacency, that where you’ve made it to is good enough even though your vision is much greater. In step 9 you remind yourself not to settle, to keep moving towards what you want and remaining aligned with why you want it.

When you engage in regular self-reflection, make the necessary adjustments and celebrate your wins, you will find yourself closer to living in alignment with your vision. When you take personal responsibility for your life, stay in alignment with your greater vision and reward yourself for your shifts no matter how small, you will find yourself creating a life that you love.

Step EIGHT to Creating a Life You Love: Building on the Change Process

“Quitting is never an option on the road to success. Find the way forward. If you have a positive mindset and are willing to persevere, there is little that is beyond your reach. The attitude of being ready to work even in the face of challenges and despite odds is what will make all the difference in your life.” ― Roopleen

Step 8 to creating a life that you love is about celebrating your change process and nurturing it as it develops. You will focus on the good, the wins you are achieving and the positive shifts that are occurring. You will have opportunities to make adjustments when your motivation needs some tweaking. Developing a consistent daily practice to focus on the positive and express gratitude will be outlined and encouraged to integrate into a daily self-awareness positivity practice. When you focus on what’s going well you tend to want to create more of it!

As we move into this step, and really the final three steps, the aspects surrounding change are more nuanced and less direct. They are more about how to hold onto the changes you’ve created and continuing to dive deeper into what you want and why you want it. Because backsliding is an inevitable part of the process, developing a daily practice to ensure forward momentum is essential.

You may find as some of the smaller steps become habits that your focus may change, what you want may change and your desires become deeper. For example, for many who struggle with emotional eating, they often initially have goals related to wanting to change their body in some way or adhere to some type of diet plan. However, after making shifts and changes, they recognize that their relationship with food, body—or anything else—are all reflected within their relationship with themselves. This is experienced through deep self-awareness and constant self-reflection.

This step is about allowing the positive changes you’ve created to become not just a rote habit, but to savor the experience of the change, to take in the positive feelings of the change and to recognize and be grateful to yourself that you are responsible for the change. This is worth celebrating! Gratitude and daily self-reflection practices that focus on what went well, what changes you’ve maintained and where you can fine-tune your vision is central.

Now that you have seen how a plan turns behaviors into habits, maintaining those habits is how to continue to build on the change process. Taking time daily to reflect on what you did do, what went well and the positive impact that it had on you will help to keep the motivation flowing. This is the time to incorporate gratitude as a practice into your daily routine. As you reflect on what went well, say thank you to yourself for taking the time to put action into your vision and make the changes you desire. Expressing gratitude to yourself to be able to take action and for any of the people who supported you or anything/one else that helped you through this process will allow you to experience an abundance of positive feelings. When you link these positive feelings with the process of change, that will create a stronger desire to keep going. Reflecting on the good, taking time to let it sink in deeply and expressing gratitude all support your progress and build upon the change process in a meaningful way.

Putting this daily practice into your routine would look something like this… Start a daily positive action and gratitude journal. Begin by taking a couple slow, deep, centering breaths. Open your journal and write down two things that you did today to support your vision. These will be any action steps you did take today, no matter how big or small. Focus on what went well and how it felt to complete those action steps. (If your mind tries to distract you with what you didn’t do or anything negative, pause and go back to focusing in this moment solely on the positive.) Take a moment to savor the positive feelings that arise, letting them sink into your being. Notice how it feels in your body to focus on the positive, along with celebrating your growth and change process. Now thank yourself for taking the time to do these action steps and notice how that feels to focus your gratitude inward. Next, write down two things/people you are grateful for from your day and specifically why you feel grateful for these things/people. Take a moment to savor those positive feelings of gratitude, letting them sink into your being. Notice how it feels in your body when you practice gratitude. Savor the positive experience of reflecting on your dedication and expressing gratitude.

This simple and yet super powerful daily practice will help keep you aligned to your greater vision for your life. This daily practice is such a rewarding part of the change process. It does not take much time; however, it makes a big difference in how you feel and ultimately sparks more desire to continue to take action consistently. As you build on the small steps you continue to take, over time you prepare yourself to make big changes and live your vision. You are creating a life that you love!