Inner Strength Focus: Giving and Receiving Love to Heal Emotional Eating

The ability to give and receive love is an inner strength possessed by those who are happy and content within their lives. Growing this as an inner strength—the ability to give and receive love in relation to making peace with food—relates to the way you treat food as a metaphor for how you treat yourself and possibly others. Do you control your food? Do you over do it with food? Do you obsess about food? How does this play out with your relationship with others and with yourself? How would you define your relationship with food? If it is a struggle it may point to deeper struggles you are experiencing within, which inevitably may impact how lovable you feel.

Relationships can be complicated while also being deeply life enhancing. When you work on a relationship and allow yourself to fully engage without attempting to control the relationship (and therefore control the love you give OR receive), the relationship will naturally improve with effort and focus. If your relationship with food is challenging where you control it at times and you feel powerless to it at times, it may be useful to, first, take a look at your relationship with yourself and then the relationships with those closest to you.

The first place to build awareness relating to your ability to receive love is to check in with how you receive love from yourself and others. Do you feel loved by others? Do you willingly receive love from others? Do you put conditions on how lovable you feel and therefore conditions on the love you are willing to receive? Does receiving pleasure from food in any way equate to where you receive love in your life? Do you use food to feel love?

You can begin to take inventory as to how you receive love—and then consider where food fits in—as the first step. The second step is to determine where you could let love into your life more completely without attempting to control it. The third step is to determine if you feel truly worthy of receiving love. This can be a tough one, however at our core many of us at times can feel unlovable (and then unconsciously reject or feel suspicious of any love that does come our way). If this is you, then you may be attempting to fill that void in other—possibly unhealthy ways. This is usually the sign of being deeply hurt and not getting your needs met in some way or another in your primary relationships in life. There is no need to place blame here, just know that once you can identify the struggle and origination of these feelings, you can begin to heal. One of the biggest tasks in life is to learn how to love ourselves in a healthy way and essentially meet our own needs so we do not look to others to feel loved out of desperation and fear that we aren’t lovable, but rather to enhance life through the meaningful connections we create.

The fact is that each and every one of us is lovable and capable of rebuilding the ability to feel that way. Once you can build self-awareness you can open yourself to receiving love—first and foremost from yourself. Self-love is a softening towards yourself, being kind with how you dialogue with yourself. Often when we overeat or attempt to control food we might think, “what’s wrong with me that I can’t stick to a plan, diet or exercise regimen?” Try softening this to, “what happened to me today, triggered me, or what emotions am I struggling to feel today?” See the difference? Your inner dialogue can make a tremendous difference in how you feel.

The second place is to accept love where it is freely given rather than attempting to chase it. If it’s just from yourself to begin with, practice accepting that and see how that expands with time. When it comes to giving love, do you attempt to love others through how you are with them or through what you physically give, such as food? There are many ways to offer love to others and show people that you love them, however, if you feel you are giving out love with the hopes of receiving it—that may not be authentic, unconditional love. Rather, that may be the feeling of being unlovable and desperate to feel something. When you authentically give love, it comes without condition or expectation and this may be one of the most challenging tasks of our lifetime—to understand, give, and receive unconditional love.

This week, focus on building awareness with how you interact with food. Do you look to food to fill a void, potentially with an attempt to feel or receive love? Do you give out food to attempt to receive love that you may not feel you deserve without something attached? This can be quite complicated to sort out and a bit overwhelming. Remember, awareness is always where to begin. Without awareness you keep moving yet without change and continue to repeat cycles that are potentially damaging—or at least uncomfortable and certainly not useful. When you become aware you have the opportunity to make a choice. You can choose to give and receive love from a place of authenticity. You can choose to recognize your patterns with food and build awareness that food is not love and that you deserve to love yourself.

Inner Strength Focus: Vitality to Heal Emotional Eating

Having a sense of inner vitality requires strength in both mind and body. Vitality as a personal strength requires choosing your health and wellbeing over temporary desire. When you are building and using the strength of vitality you are living in alignment with how you want to feel. Feeling vital requires opening yourself to the foundations of wellness: nutrition, movement, sleep and relaxation.

If you want to be well, feel well and live well, it is helpful to engage in a daily wellness practices. The path to wellness is individual and is best when it’s intuitive and aligns with your personal needs, schedule and natural rhythms rather than feeling like something you have to do, or something that is out of alignment with how you would choose to live. When you are truly approaching life with a sense of vitality as an inner strength, the choices do not feel like a chore, they don’t feel like a punishment, they feel natural, uplifting and ultimately enhance your life.

When you apply the inner strength of vitality to living in alignment with a mindful approach to making peace with food, mindfulness is at the core. When you are making mindful choices about how to treat yourself, your own inner wisdom and intuition is your most effective and useful guide. When you are making forced choices, you are giving away your power (like to a fad diet or exercise regimen) and it is unlikely that you will maintain those choices. 

Emotional eating zaps our vitality because it is the stuffing, avoiding and denying ourselves from feeling our feelings. Emotional eating does not leave much space for vitality and creates a drain on energy and emotional and physical wellbeing. When you approach managing your emotional world with vitality and a sense that emotions are neither good nor bad rather that they are valuable information about our inner world, you will build vitality through emotional awareness. When you are emotionally aware and no longer avoid or attempt to stuff your feelings with food, you naturally open up to honing the inner strength of vitality.

Begin with a simple and doable daily practice that will allow you to get in touch with your emotions. This could be journaling and/or a meditation practice. If you feel very out of touch with your emotions it can be beneficial to receive additional support such as therapy or a support group to help create a deeper awareness and acceptance of your emotions. When you approach the process of emotional awareness with vitality, it will create alignment with feeling empowered and healthy on a deeper level than simply attempting to eat well and exercise to control or maintain a particular physique. When you address the underlying emotions you will make choices based on experiencing an inner exuberance and truly living in vitality and vibrancy.

Begin today with noticing where you are making choices about your vitality that are NOT in alignment with how you want to feel. Ask yourself if you are engaging in certain wellness practices, why you have chosen these particular ones and is it for an outcome only—OR for a consistent experience of vitality?

Where are you not in alignment with how you want to feel?

Pick ONE area of wellness and begin to focus solely there. If it is nutrition, with each food choice you make throughout the day, ask yourself if it will increase your vitality. If not, it may not be the best choice as it is not in alignment with how you ultimately want to feel and the strength you are attempting to build. If the food choice WILL increase your vitality through pleasure, energy and possibly a shared positive experience, and yet you have been taught to label that particular food as a “bad” or “off-limits” food, remind yourself that vitality and nutrition are not about being perfect. In fact, restriction leads to overeating, less pleasure derived from eating and feelings of guilt and shame. If there is anything that will dampen your vitality it’s feeling guilt and shame surrounding your food choices—and you will only remain stuck in the damaging cycle of emotional eating.

This week pick ONE area of wellness (nutrition, movement, sleep or relaxation) where you’d like to increase your vitality. Start small and work to create this shift because it feels intuitively and authentically like what will improve your vitality and then allow it to continue to grow.

Inner Strength Focus: Using Curiosity to Heal Emotional Eating

If you are striving towards greater happiness, inner peace and contentment, developing the inner strength of curiosity will help you approach challenges in life with more ease and awareness. Increasing your knowledge and growing wiser all throughout your lifespan allows you to feel as though you have options and opportunities to shift your perspective to any circumstances.

Here at Wholistic Food Therapy, the primary focus is on supporting and uplifting those who struggle with emotional eating, so the examples given to grow this particular inner strength are directed towards this personal challenge. However, if emotional eating, managing food cravings and body image are not your focus, you can apply the same intention to your own areas of struggle—all challenges we face are usually metaphors for how we approach attempting to manage, control and make sense our internal experiences and our lives.

Applying curiosity to emotional eating is allowing yourself to grow in your knowledge base—and more importantly—becoming wiser surrounding your body, food choices, and judgements. When you struggle with emotional eating, you may feel out of control or powerless to food and therefore need a diet, a plan or something external to create a sense of control and willpower. This is a lie sold to you by the dieting (and now wellness) industry! Being curious about your own body, its specific needs for nutrition, movement and relaxation is all about being mindful and intuitive in how you approach not just what you eat but how you eat it. It is not about what the next best fad exercise program you should try, but about what makes you feel energized, healthy and vital. It is not about finding that perfect diet that is sold to you in a way that makes you believe it will somehow create happiness through weight loss, but really about being curious as to what foods, portions and combinations make you feel your absolute best—physically, emotionally and energetically.

When you are curious about how what you eat makes you feel, you can apply mindful and intuitive eating techniques and grow in your knowledge, awareness and therefore develop body-wisdom. When you are truly guided by your inner wisdom, you no longer question your choices, or live in regret, punishment, deprivation and judgment—nor do you resist what is best for you (aka self-sabotage).

Emotional eating is what happens when food cravings arise from a subconscious attempt to repress emotions. Being curious about what the feeling is about and growing in your knowledge of emotional intelligence can allow you to be truly wise. When you understand why an emotion has arisen, you no longer attempt to avoid it through suppression with food. When you understand why it is there you can make a choice about how to respond to it, rather than eat in an attempt to avoid, soothe or delay the emotional experience. Emotions are valuable information about our experiences, when avoided we avoid our lives.

For this week, if emotional eating is an area that you are working to grow and improve, I recommend following a mindful & intuitive eating practice for at least one meal or snack per day. Allow this to be a moment of being fully present with your food and your body. Make a conscious choice as to a specific meal or snack that you’d like to eat. Approach the opportunity to be curious about your experience with being truly present with your food (and yourself) in the following way:

·      Ask yourself what you want to eat.

·      Ask yourself what you truly are hungry for (emotional suppression or nourishment/something tasty).

·      Ask yourself why you want that particular food.

·      Ask yourself what the food has to offer you.

·      Ask yourself how hungry you are in this moment and allow that to guide your portion.

·      When you are prepared to eat, first notice the aromas and site of the food and notice your reaction internally to this meal or snack. Does it bring you pleasure? Are there feelings coming up for you about the food (not good enough, anxiety about calories, worried about how healthy or unhealthy it is)? If so, try to release these feelings and become mindfully aware in the present moment and let go of any judgmental thoughts.

·      Allow your environment to be as calming as possible without distractions such as TV and cell phones.

·      Tell yourself that you deserve to eat what is nourishing and brings you pleasure.

·      Notice your breath and relax your body.

·      Be grateful for your food.

·      Begin to eat.

·      Chew slowly and thoroughly.

·      Notice the taste.

·      Place the utensils down between bites or food down if eating with your hands.

·      Check in with your full cues.

·      Stop when you are satisfied.

·      Thank yourself for taking this time to be mindful and present with your food.

·      Notice how you are feeling.

·      Take time to journal if it feels as though it would be useful to continue to grow in your knowledge of what is right for you when it comes to food choices, portions, nutrients and mindful eating.

How’d you do? Developing curiosity about your own body’s needs and not what some random dietary theory says is the most valuable way to be truly body-wise and to grow in awareness of your own personal needs for nutrition, movement and relaxation. When you are learning from your own inner wisdom rather from an external source you will have a deeper respect for your body and make choices that serve you—you will choose you rather than choosing a temporary moment of pleasure or restriction.