How to Integrate Intuitive Eating Principle 3: Make Peace with Food

The third principle of Intuitive Eating is: Make Peace with Food. This principle builds on the first two principles of intuitive eating, reject the diet mentality and honor your hunger. When you make peace with food you no longer categorize foods in a judgmental and stressful way. When you make peace with food, you allow yourself the opportunity to eat anything you want and to not have forbidden foods based on fear, shame or judgment.

When you make peace with food, you may also recognize that there are certain foods that don’t serve your body. This allows you to make an empowered choice to not eat those foods. However, this choice is based on your peaceful relationship with food, your body and your wellbeing—not fear and control.

When you feel as though you are at war with food and your body, eating itself becomes stressful and possibly shameful. When you carry guilt and shame related to food, you create a host of other problems internally and this struggle only increases potential emotional and stress eating patterns. These patterns lead to constant thoughts about food—which is definitely not a peaceful way to be with food.

When you restrict certain foods based on fear, judgment and shame, you will inevitably crave those food and possibly overeat or binge on them. When you tell yourself “I can’t have that food” it makes you want it even more. This is why restricting, dieting and extreme rules related to food creates cycles of “I’ll only eat it just this once,” cheat meals, or “this will be my last fun day with food” before that majorly restricting diet that you may put onto yourself out of punishment for these other seemingly out of control choices. When you make peace with food, food can be just food.

Thoughts about food, fear about calories, worrying about good food versus bad food and what’s the right or wrong thing to eat all create stress. When food is on your mind all of the time it creates fear about food and can lead to eating in secret and feelings of guilt and shame. These occurrences will only keeps you stuck in the dangerous cycle of emotional eating. Making peace with food is a process and practice that begins with mindful eating.

When you eat mindfully you are not judgmental of the foods you are choosing to eat. You look for the facts, what is true and release emotions surrounding food. That doesn’t mean you can’t look forward to eating a particular food, enjoy it and savor the process of eating. Quite the opposite really! When you are nonjudgmental you get to release any guilt, fear or shame around eating certain foods and be present with whatever you are choosing to eat.

As you begin to integrate this step into how you relate to food, eating and your body, you come closer to trusting yourself and the ability to know what your body wants and needs. Intuitive eating is about tuning into your body and its individual needs in relation to food, calories, combinations of nutrients and portion sizes.  Mindful eating is about tuning into your body and being present in a nonjudgmental manner so you can enjoy your food, savor the flavors and take in the pleasure you can derive from your food choices.

When you make peace with food you are intuitively aware of how different foods make your body feel, you honor your hunger and move away from restrictive thoughts. You are also able to tune into cravings and understand why the craving is presenting itself in this moment.

Cravings can be complicated. However, they can be addressed through the intuitive and mindful eating process and managed without stress, fear and shame. If you are experiencing a craving it can mean that your food choices are boring, repetitive and you feel unsatisfied. A craving could be a desire to release an uncomfortable emotion or to calm your stress. A craving could mean that you are out of balance nutritionally. A craving could mean that your body is out of balance. A craving could mean that you heard about a certain food and you just can’t get it out of your mind! 

When you are mindfully aware and intuitive connected to your body, you are able to make a non-emotionally driven decision about what to do with your craving. This process requires self-reflection, self-awareness and often some discipline to pause and give yourself space to consider what your craving is really all about.

The first question to ask yourself when you experience a craving is, “am I hungry?” If yes, “what am I hungry for?” If no, “what is the nature of this craving, what does it want me to know?” This is where you can get really curious! Check in with your stress level, mood state and give yourself space to release any emotions that need to be witnessed and understood. Did you get this food on your mind because it happens to be around, you heard about it, saw it, or smelled it?

When you experience a craving, you want to get deeply curious about the message of the craving rather than acting on it right away or resisting it with an effort to “be good.” The more you reflect and grow in self-awareness, the closer you find yourself to creating a more peaceful relationship with food.

As you create peace with food, you find that your thoughts are less driven by food, or if they are you understand why and have the tools to cope. As you create peace with food, you eat more mindfully and offer a nonjudgmental experience with the process of eating. As you make peace with food, you make peace with yourself, and this is the true gift of this process.

This principle of making peace with food can feel daunting as emotional and stress eating patterns are often deeply layered. Remember that this is a process and path to explore. There is no need to be perfect, just to be present, curious and attuned to your mind, body and your unique needs.

Finding where you can begin to make peace with food, one small step at a time, will create great amounts of freedom and space in your life for more pleasure with food. As you begin to consider how you can make peace with food, allow yourself to be nonjudgmental with yourself, the process, and notice how you begin to release old beliefs about food and open yourself to greater inner peace and mental wellbeing.

Spring Cleaning for Emotional Eating

During this time of the year, you might spend some extra time cleaning out your home. Clearing out the cobwebs and dust bunnies that have collected in the corners over the winter, changing out clothing for the new season and getting rid of old stuff that might be cluttering your space and fogging your mind. This process requires a lot of effort and when it is completed it feels so refreshing. After a good spring cleaning you feel lighter, calmer, and accomplished don’t you? I know I love a clean and clutter free space, I just don’t always love doing the work it takes to get there!

While you might spend this time cleaning your physical space, do you ever think about spring cleaning your pantry, fridge, habits and emotions? Spring is a time of renewal and hope. With more light, energy, nature and bright colors all around, spring provides inspiration. If you have become bogged down by emotional and stress eating and these habits feel frustrating, NOW is the time to clear it all out.

When you consider spring cleaning for emotional eating, it’s helpful to work in the direction that makes the most sense for you. You might begin from clearing your pantry + fridge to then clearing your habits and emotions. However, you might feel more comfortable working from the other way around, where you clear out emotions + habits and then shift to kitchen. No matter which direction suits you the best, the outcome will definitely be the same. Through this process of spring cleaning for emotional eating, you can refresh and renew your relationship with food—and with yourself.

Spring Cleaning the Pantry + Fridge

While it might make more sense for you to work from the other direction, l will start with clearing out the pantry and fridge first. When you spring clean there is a process of letting go of things that no longer serve you, releasing built up grime, dust and dirt and a creation of positive feelings with the action you are taking. The same is true as you clean and clear your pantry and fridge.

When starting, you want to align with your goal and then determine if the items in your fridge and pantry serve you and your goals. What do you want? How do you want to feel? Do the foods currently in your fridge and pantry provide that outcome? If yes, take inventory and plan when you will use them. Get creative, cook new dishes, refresh old ones, have fun with it. If no, these items don’t align with your goals and how you want to feel, you can choose to donate them or give them to a neighbor or friend. It’s a helpful process that will leave you feeling empowered and motivated to care for yourself. After the clearing process, be sure to organize and clean them out so it feels calming to open and access your fridge and pantry.

During this clearing process, notice what foods might be “trigger” foods. Trigger foods are ones that it’s difficult to stop eating once you start or ones that you crave to temporarily suppress stress and uncomfortable emotions. These foods are not bad foods or good foods, they just may not serve you and it’s helpful to evaluate if having them in your space helps move you in the direction of your goals. If they don’t, you don’t have to keep them.

Spring Cleaning Habits + Emotions

Now let’s dive into spring cleaning for your habits and emotions. This process is a bit less straight forward. You can’t just give or throw away your habits and emotions so easily. You can start this process of spring cleaning emotional eating through self-reflection. Be honest with yourself about how often you are using food to suppress stress and emotions, how often you turn to food for comfort. Be curious about how that makes you feel about yourself. Become aware of how any habits and patterns of stress and emotional eating have created a rift in your relationship with yourself and your body.

Once you can deeply reflect and develop self-awareness, you can begin to clear out the habits and develop healthier ways to cope with your stress and emotions. To change a habit you need to replace it with a new, healthier, more desired habit. If you have been feeling stressed during the quarantine or if you struggled with any winter blues, you might have developed a habit of soothing with food in the evenings, when feeling down, lonely or bored, among other emotions. For example, maybe you started eating something after dinner that comforts you and releases your stress regardless of whether or not you were still hungry. There may be some pondering about wanting to stop this habit or maybe even some guilt for having it, however, it feels too difficult to break.

You want to consider spring cleaning this habit first by determining what else could you do in the evenings to soothe your mind and body that do not include the comfort foods? How do you want to feel? Can you practice assessing your hunger levels and committing to only eating if you truly feel hungry? Can you journal to connect with why this habit feels so good and so bad at the same time? You want to dive into self-awareness and self-reflection and create a plan to shift this habit into something more desirable and something that can still soothe you without food.

Changing a habit takes time and constant self-reflection and self-awareness. I recently wrote 10 blogs about creating a life that you love, you can review the overview here. You can go back and check out each of the steps in depth on the blog for support with this challenging change process. While awareness is the first step, you have to create action steps and a formulate a plan to actually follow through.

When you are spring cleaning any habits that no longer serve you, awareness that the habit has become problematic is the first step and then deciding what you could do and aligning with a sense of what you truly want is the next. Then you, of course, need to have a plan for how you are going to make it happen. Following through, consistency and believing in yourself are super important when it comes to creating the change you desire.

Commit to yourself to spring clean just one habit. Be sure to give yourself time to reflect in order to ensure that you make it happen.

As you begin to shift your habit, you may notice more emotions and stress to become present when you are no longer soothing them with food. This is where journaling is a great place to start when working to spring clean your emotions. Giving yourself time and space to recognize, sit with, understand, process and release your emotions is essential. Journaling offers you a specific safe place to do this.

Anytime you experience a food craving is a great time to pull out your journal and get in touch with the craving. This way you can determine if it’s an emotional craving or more general craving. Go through the Pause, Reflect, Release process where you first pause and give yourself space away from the craving. Then reflect where you can explore and understand the craving and then attempt to release the craving. If is an emotional craving, you will choose a coping tool to help manage or release the emotion. If it is a general craving, you might choose to eat the food, however you want to be sure do so mindfully. Allow yourself to savor and enjoy your food.

Breath work, movement, and talking are additional helpful tools to cleanse and clear in mind and body. No matter what you do to begin to spring clean your stress and emotional eating patterns, start somewhere and believe in yourself and your ability to create the change you desire.

Am I An Emotional Eater?

During these times of living in quarantine, the isolation and worry has anxiety and stress at an all-time high. Many who may not typically suffer with disordered eating patterns are finding that they are turning to food (amongst other things) to release their stress and numb out the variety of uncomfortable feelings they are encountering daily. This can create a negative and damaging pattern of emotional and stress eating as a coping skill for anxiety, stress, and any uncomfortable emotions. If the pattern is left unattended it can turn into more serious disordered eating patterns and significant struggles related to health and wellbeing in mind and body.

If you are unsure if you are an emotional eater, you can take the following quiz to assess how far you may have slipped into a pattern of stress and emotional eating. 

Am I an Emotional Eater?

1.    Do you find that you feel overly full or “stuffed” after meals?

2.    Do you find yourself snacking throughout the day even if you are not feeling hungry?

3.    Do you find yourself thinking about food many times throughout the day?

4.    Do you eat/snack at night after dinner?

5.    Do you hide your food from others?

6.    Do you struggle with unwanted weight gain/weight fluctuations? 

7.    Have you tried multiple diets, supplements, workout routines with some success of weight loss only to regain the majority of the weight?

8.    Do you feel as though you live your life in a state of rushing and trying to stay busy most of the time?

9.    Do you feel as though your body and your health are suffering due to your eating and stress? 

10. Do you have an outlet or way of coping with your stress and emotions that you use consistently, such as journaling, attending therapy, a creative outlet, a hobby, a meditation or mindfulness practice, moving your body regularly, someone to talk to that you trust…?

11. Do you practice self-care regularly? This means engaging regularly in intentional relaxation and things that you find enjoyable for example: mindfulness, yoga, exercise, massage, walking, deep breathing, social time with friends regularly, taking self-enrichment classes, spiritual connection, reading for fun, create art/music, listen to music, spending time in nature…?

Scoring:

• Give yourself 1 point each for a “Yes” on Questions 1-9

• Give yourself 1 point each for a “No” on Questions 10 & 11

• If your score is a 9 or higher you are most likely an emotional eater and it may be indicative of deeper concerns in relation to your relationship with food.

• If your score is a 4-8 you most likely turn to food for comfort and release of emotional and physical stress and are at risk of it becoming more disordered.

• If your score is 2-3 you may turn to food at times, but you most likely have some other outlets for your emotions as well and now is a good time to make choices about how to cope more effectively with the current stressors you are experiencing.

• If your score is a 0 or 1 you most likely are not an emotional/stress eater.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by your response, it’s ok, awareness is always the first step to creating meaningful change in your life. Often when you have been struggling with emotional or stress eating for some time, you don’t recognize the level of stress you experience. This is because you’ve been using food to not have to experience the depths of your emotions and stress, however if you are now becoming more aware, you may recognize the patterns more extensively.

When you have been numbing out the stress and uncomfortable emotions, it’s a process to begin to separate out your food choices from your emotions and there is a lot you can do to begin to empower yourself to break free from emotional and stress eating patterns.

If you are ready for another approach and have no idea of where to begin, you might begin by reading this blog: I Just Discovered I’m Emotional Eater, Now What? Once you are aware of the pattern you can start by tapping into your self-care and coping skills. Begin to discover what nourishes you that is not food. Connect with the inner workings of your emotional world and shift your relationship to them. Begin to manage your stress slowly and effectively.

Know that there is hope for healing and awareness is always the first step. If you need some support through the change process, I have written many blogs on the topic. This one is an overview of the 10-Steps to Create a Life You Love that may be a helpful place to begin (all 10 are written about in-depth if this one piques your interest!) I encourage you to read what resonates with you and begin to implement any suggestions that feel right for you.

I offer other resources on my resources page related to mindfulness and nutrition, you can check those out here and here. You can check out my book as a self-help guide, Wholistic Food Therapy: A Mindful Approach to Making Peace with Food, if you are interested, you can find it HERE.  I also offer individual coaching packages to those who prefer a one-on-one approach.

Another resource is my signature online program, Freedom From Emotional Eating. It is a 10-module online course designed to help you break free from emotional and stress eating patterns by addressing the struggle from the deepest roots. This is an in-depth, self-paced and mindfulness centered approach to make peace with food. It is currently significantly discounted to help those who may need extra support during these quarantined, isolating times. Now is the time to heal, to move forward and create the relationship with food and with yourself that you desire.

No matter what resources you access, I hope that you find the support you need during these challenging times. Opening yourself to change, growth and healing is life changing and empowering. That is what we all need during these challenging times. I hope this finds you safe and healthy. Be well!