Beginning to Heal Body-Image with Body Neutrality

I have never met a person who was satisfied with their body as it was right at that very second. Particularly among women I work with in my psychotherapy practice, I hear complaints, self-deprecating comments, and how something they are doing related to food, exercise, or anything else just isn’t quite right.

Instead of purely enjoying a dessert or other decadent and delicious food, we often say, “I shouldn’t be eating this.” Why can’t we just say, “This tastes amazing, I love it so much!” This often comes from internalized beliefs about food, and patterns of restrictive diets that lead to food guilt and shame. When given a compliment about an outfit, I often hear it thrown back with a negative, self-rejecting comment, like, “If only I were five (or more) pounds lighter, it would look better.” I hear, “I should be exercising more. I should be eating healthier.” I should, I should, I should… Why is this? Why do so many women hate their bodies and struggle with body-image most of their lives? Why do so many women put so much pressure on themselves to look like what society has deemed to be beautiful, attractive, hot, and sexy?

For those who struggle with emotional eating, disordered eating, or an eating disorder, body-image tends to be the last layer to heal. For so many people, body-image is deeply entrenched and entangled with emotional eating. The long-standing history of feeling less than because of their physical body is old, deeply rooted, and very difficult to shift. Learning how to practice body neutrality allows it to become more possible to shift into gratitude for our bodies, and eventually, maybe even lead to body positivity. Mindfulness, particularly the element of nonjudgment, is essential in this work of true self, and body acceptance in mind, body, and spirit.

So what is body neutrality and how does it help with healing body-image? Body neutrality is a mindfulness practice that creates a neutralizing impact on our relationship with our bodies. Mindfulness is paying attention from moment to moment with a nonjudgemental awareness. Mindfulness allows us to recognize and release judgement in a way that can be neutralizing and have a profound emotional impact. Body neutrality as a mindfulness exercise allows us to focus on facts and functions versus size, shape, judgements, and emotions. When I walk my clients through the process of body neutrality, often there are areas of their body that they struggle with to get to a place of neutrality, however, with time, practice, and more practice, they often find it is indeed possible to accept, and even to love their bodies.

Body neutrality is an exercise that first I have people do in their minds eye. I talk them through each area of their body and encourage them to neutralize any judgements, and consider a fact and/or a function about each body part. For instance, if someone doesn’t like an aspect of their nose, rather than focusing on the judgement or emotion around their nose, can they name a fact, it's this particular shape, it’s in the middle of my face, it has a bridge and nostrils… and so on. And then can they name a function, I use my nose to breathe and to smell. Once we get to a place of neutrality consistently, most people notice a decrease in their self-judgement and emotional distress when experiencing their body.

Then, if possible, we search for gratitude. Is it possible to be grateful for your nose, just as it existing is in this moment? Can you experience feeling your nose in space? If so, experiencing their nose from a space of nonjudgement and gratitude, it often begins to continue to shift from discomfort to neutrality, and then over time, maybe even positivity—although this is not the goal, just a possible outcome. I encourage you to try this practice, to observe your body in your mind’s eye as a whole, and just see if you can be present with your body as the container that lovingly holds you, in this moment, just as it is. Then slowly move through your head and face, neck and shoulders, arms and hands, torso, hips, legs and feet. With each part of your body, consider a fact and/or a function. Notice how that feels. If an emotion or judgement comes in, notice it and let it go. If possible, see if you can offer gratitude to each part as you go through the exercise, not to force it, just to see what occurs.

When practiced consistently over time, body neutrality can transform your relationship with your body, as well as with yourself.

Creating a Year of Enchantment

When was the last time you felt enchanted? When experiencing enchantment, you’re filled with delight, you’re drawn towards the image, the item or the experience, and it creates a great feeling of pleasure. When you are enchanted you are captivated, fascinated, and inspired. 

If you’ve spent some time reflecting back on 2023, have you considered what brought you a feeling of enchantment in this past year? If not, take a look back and ask yourself, how often did I feel delighted, filled with great pleasure, and deeply inspired? As you reflect back on 2023, how alive, open-hearted, and charmed did you feel?

Imagine if being inspired, enchanted, and captivated became your primary pursuit in 2024. How different might your year ahead look? 

If you are feeling less enchanted as you reflect back over the past year, that’s ok! When you have time to deeply consider what enchantment looks like, feels like, and means to you, take a moment and really describe in detail, what does bring you a feeling of enchantment? Deeply consider what captivates your full attention, what fills you with pleasure and inspiration? I recommend beginning an enchantment journal for 2024. It can be a small pocket sized notebook that you can access easily throughout the day. If you prefer tech, you can start a page on your notes app in your phone, titling it ENCHANTMENT 2024. If you like to get fancy with your journaling, you can always make it colorful, crafty, and creative!

When you have some time to deeply reflect on what brings you a feeling of enchantment, begin to write down what you already know creates this feeling for you. For example, it could be something as simple as seeing the steam rise from your morning coffee or tea. Feeling enchanted may arise from having a good, long laugh with someone you care about, or it could be a moment of capturing colorful sunrise or sunset or rainbow. You might feel enchanted by a song, a great book, the taste of chocolate, or seeing a new leaf sprouting from the plant in your window. You might feel enchanted by the sweet face of a pet or a child, or from seeing a piece of art, a cloud formation, a tree, or a sparkling stone. You might feel enchanted by so many more things than you recognize, or that you take the time to fully notice in your day to day life. What brings you this feeling of captivation and delight is completely unique to you. Continue to notice, and to pay attention to these moments no matter whether they are small or large, simple or grand, and write them all down to have access to when you are feeling disenchanted or uninspired, or when you just need to have a smile.

Once you have your initial list, what you already know captivates your full attention, take a moment and reflect on it. How much of what enchants you costs a lot of money? How much of it has to do with success, striving, possessing, or acquiring? Most likely not too much. When we are enchanted we are not wanting, we are experiencing something wonderful, we are one with the present moment. And sure, maybe something enchanting may cost money, but it is definitely not a requirement. 

Spend time looking at your starting list and allow yourself to begin to add to it consistently. When you capture something enchanting, write it down after the moment or experience has moved on, try not to disrupt any of these beautiful moments! In my therapy practice, I recommend reflecting to all of my clients to keep a “what went well today” journal. This is about helping the usual anxious, stressed, worried, or negative mind take a break. When you reflect on what went well today you can shift your attention away from worry, negative self-talk, and projecting stress into the next day. Typically I recommend keeping a daily journal to reflect on what went well today? What wins did I have today? What am I most grateful for today? And be sure to add and include, what enchanted me today? When you focus on what went well, what wins you had, what you are most grateful for, and now adding this focus of, what enchanted me today, you can shift out of fear, negativity, and lack—and into contentment, delight and joy. 

When you are noticing the experience of enchantment, captivation, and pleasure in the moment it’s occurring, take time to really savor it. When we savor something pleasurable, we are creating an opportunity to feel full of contentment. When we are savoring the present moment, we are delighting in the experience of being delighted! When you are savoring, you are practicing mindfulness as you are fully immersed in the present moment, the here and the now. Savoring allows your mind is focusing on the good, and you can feel a sense of pleasure and gratitude as you are experiencing it.

When you are reflecting on moments of enchantment and writing them down as a reflection process at the end of the day, take time to savor each element you have experienced. Can you linger in the feeling of enchantment, let it fully enter your being in mind, body and spirit, and allow it to be re-experienced in a way that you feel the delight all over again?

This process of allowing yourself to be present, to experience pleasure, and to re-experience it upon reflection can impact your inner emotional world, your mindset, and your mood in a way that you can experience your own inner ability to create an internal shift. Moods are temporary and usually impacted by experiences, however, if a mood is lingering outside of the experience and it doesn’t feel great, you can bring in this reflective practice and try savoring and see if you can impact your mood in this helpful and positive way. When you can, it feels very empowering, life enhancing, and even healing. Allow yourself this momentary treat of reflection, and be sure to repeat it daily. We get good at what we practice, and this repetition of savoring enchantment offers an opportunity to create positive change in mind, body, and spirt.

Imagine the year ahead as one where your primary focus becomes searching for these moments of enchantment every single day. Imagine the year ahead as one where you notice the good, savor it, linger in it, practice the process of savoring, and search for more. Imagine the year ahead as a year where following what enchants you, what makes you feel most alive, open-heated, and fulfilled becomes your Full-Time pursuit. Here’s to creating enchantment in 2024!

How to Integrate Intuitive Eating Principle 8: Respect Your Body

The eighth principle of Intuitive Eating is: Respect Your Body. If you have been following along with this Integrating Intuitive and Mindful Eating series on my blog, then you might have noticed how principle 7 and now principle 8 are not directly related to food. (Principle 9 isn’t either—stay tuned!) These principles address how to be with yourself in a more mindful and compassionate way both internally and externally which naturally impacts how to be with your food.

With this principle I will explore and address how to be with your body in a respectful manner, which most people struggle with at some point in their lives. If you notice the chatter in your mind or out loud about your body, what is it usually about? Is it usually positive or negative in nature? The truth is that all bodies deserve respect, yours, hers, his, theirs and mine. There are no exceptions.

When you notice any internal bias you have in relation to what is a “good” or “healthy” body and alternatively what is a “not as good” or “unhealthy” body, where did these biases come from. Let’s be clear, it’d be rare not to have some internal bias seeing as how much emphasis is placed on body image, weight loss and standards of beauty in our culture and naturally we are always concerned about how we are measuring up in relation to these standards.

How you think about, speak about and interact with your own body is what this principle is about. However, it is helpful to consider any body shaming, judging or otherwise you notice that you do internally, or say out loud, towards others and practice shifting these thoughts and words to body neutrality, positivity and kindness. This will support your own process in offering these same concepts to yourself.

Mindfulness offers a significant amount of support to this concept of respecting your body, especially as it relates to the aspect of being nonjudgmental. One of the most effective ways to begin to respect your body is to practice body neutrality through nonjudgment. This is a very useful practice and just like is was applied to food in the fourth principle of intuitive eating: Challenge the Food Police it’s tremendously powerful to apply the concept on nonjudgment to how you relate to your body.

Learning to understand body neutrality is simple but not necessarily easy. To practice body neutrality, find a time when you can just be. Close your eyes and scan your body in your mind’s eye from head to toe moving intentionally through each part of your body. With each body part, first name it and then find the facts about it, for example: ears-used for hearing located on the sides of my head. Notice how there are no judgments, just facts, just what is true about this body part in this moment. Maintain neutrality and nonjudgment throughout. Notice how this feels with body parts you may not have any positive or negative associations about and parts that you do.

The body parts you find it most difficult to be nonjudgmental about with yourself, you will need to practice more regularly. For many this simple and yet not easy body neutrality practice is very helpful and eye opening. Get really curious about why you have the judgments you have about your body. With each judgment consider:

• Where did each judgment come from?

• What messages did you hear/receive about your body or body judgments from your family growing up?

• What messages did you hear/receive about your body or body judgments from your peers?

• What messages did you hear/receive about your body or body judgments from society?

• Who set the standards for “beauty” and body shape that you adhere to?

• What messages do you wish you’d heard or would like to live by?

• Can you begin to offer these messages to yourself now?

Once you practice body neutrality until it feels more natural, acceptable and your mind does not attempt to pull you towards the negative, you can begin to practice body positivity and body gratitude. Within this practice, you go through the same exercise, resting comfortably and work your way from head to toe in your mind’s eye and name each body part and something you like about it and something you can be grateful for about it. If you find it difficult that’s ok! Stay with the practice and continue a few times per week until it becomes a more and more comfortable practice.

Try taking this attitude with you wherever you go. As you begin to shift your own internal judgments about your body and allow that to impact how you judge the bodies of others, begin to notice and reflect on the following:

• How much mental space is taken up by body judgment?

• How often do you judge the bodies of others?

• How often do you compare your body to the bodies of others?

• How does this make you feel?

• Why do you think you do this?

• Are you ready to shift this internal experience?

If so, begin practicing body neutrality of others. Even if your thought begins with a judgment, can you create a neutral thought such as it’s just another person in the body that they have today, it’s not good or bad, it just is. As this becomes more comfortable, begin to shift into body positivity of others. What compliment can you offer either internally to recognize it for yourself or out loud if it’s possible to do so.

These simple but not easy practices can transform your relationship to your body, to yourself and to food. When you can just be with your body without the negativity and noise you will create a less stressful internal environment for yourself. When you begin to shift from body shaming, judging and comparing you open yourself to feel a great deal of respect for your own amazing body as well as respecting the bodies of others.