How to Live With Intention During the Quarantine and Beyond

Living with intention is one of the most valuable ways to create a life that you love. When it comes to self-leadership in these uncertain times, it can feel difficult to know what to do to stay motivated and to continue to move forward. When you are in a state of stress and anxiety your thinking becomes more scattered as energy is diverted towards more primitive functions to offer you an opportunity to stay and feel safe. This is why it is so important to calm and balance your nervous system in order to move forward in your life with ease and grace—no matter what the circumstances of life present (like a 2 month quarantine…).

Leading yourself may already be challenging enough without the present state of the world. Staying in a space of self-awareness, self-reflection and maintaining motivation and inspiration to move forward are difficult feats on a good day. Put a dose of uncertainty and the major stressors that we are all facing at this time on top of your everyday challenges and you might feel as though you’ve become stagnant, defeated, or worse, you might be backsliding. This is a normal part of the change process and it is times like these that we have the ability to build resilience and grow.

One way to live with intention is to create opportunities to choose how you want to feel. You might feel like you are stuck with whatever emotion you are experiencing in the moment during these times. You might feel like you don’t have a choice or option and you can either just push through, dwell in it, or avoid it through emotional repression. This does not have to be the case. While you want to assess and understand whatever emotion you may be experiencing, that does not mean you are stuck with it and that you don’t have the power within yourself to manage it more effectively. Ultimately, you get to choose how you want to feel and always could choose another emotion.

Imagine you wake up and immediately feel anxious, fearful and uncertain. Then you find yourself moving through your day with stress hormones flooding your system, feeling more and more stressed out. Living with intention allows you to choose in the moment a new way to experience the present moment. Here are the steps to intentionally create a new emotional experience, a new way to choose to live within your present moment.

1.    Acknowledge and name the emotion you are experiencing.

2.    Ask if this is a true or useful experience of the present moment? Be curious about the message this emotion has for you.

3.    Use a coping skill to understand and manage the emotion.

4.    Ask yourself: How do I want to feel today?

5.    Ask yourself: What 3 things can I do to help myself create this/these feeling(s)?

6.    Set the intention to use these action steps to help create this internal emotional/feeling experience within you.

7.    Receive self or external accountability. For self-accountability, write down when you are going to take these actions to help create these feelings within. Put reminders on your phone or use sticky notes where you will see them. Reflect at the end of the day on how these actions allowed you feel. For external accountability, tell someone who supports you what your intentions are for the day and ask for support, reminders or anything else that will allow this person to give you the inspiration you need to move forward and take action.

8.    Reflect on your process. How did it go? Was it effective? What will you do tomorrow to ensure that you set up your day in a way that allows you to feel how you want to feel?

Here is an example: 

1.    Acknowledge and name the emotion. Presently I feel anxious and stressed.

2.    Is this a true representation of the present moment, is it useful right now? No. The message of my anxiety is feeling overwhelmed and uncertain. I acknowledge that these feelings are related to fear based thoughts.

3.    Coping skill I can use: deep breathing and a body scan to calm my nervous system and relax my body.

4.    How do I want to feel? Strong, focused and hopeful.

5.    Actions I can to take to create these feelings: Strong: exercise and stay mentally strong by addressing any anxiety with thought examination technique. Focused: get 3 work tasks completed, cook a nourishing meal for dinner and spend time reading. Hopeful: use my gratitude journal, focus on what is going well and reflect on the positives of my day.

6.    Set the intention to take these action steps: Today I set the intention to feel strong, focused and hopeful..

7.    I will use self-accountability by writing specifically in my planner when I will complete these actions in order to ensure that I follow through and picture myself taking these actions.

8.    How did it go? When I completed each of the actions and reconnected with my intentions for the day I increased those feelings within and created the experience within that I desired. This also improved my feelings of being hopeful and feeling strong and capable. I feel more mentally balanced and calm.

Often, we know what to do, but unfortunately it can be challenging to follow through. Making ourselves a priority can be tough. Feeling anxious, fearful and uncertain makes us feel out of control. These feelings create internal confusion and a sense of being overwhelmed and make it more challenging to think clearly and to focus. That’s why this process is so valuable to work through every single day.

We are all just trying to do the best we can with what we have. If it feels like the best you can has not been working out well, that is where you can search for the accountability you need, either from within or externally. Each time you follow through with setting your intentions and following the actions needed to create the way you want to feel, you will improve your self-esteem. The more that you value yourself and feel good about yourself the more you will build inner inspiration and motivation to continue moving forward. So now is the time to get started! What is your intention for the rest of your day today? How do you want to feel?

How to Balance Your Nervous System

Many of us are struggling with a nervous system that is out of balance from the increased stress and anxiety of COVID-19. Understanding the basics of how your nervous system functions and what you can do to balance it can create a feeling of empowerment as you decrease your stress and increase a feeling of wellbeing. Feeling out of control increases this imbalance while creating opportunities to feel healthy and balanced increase your inner strength and wellbeing.

The nervous system, which is of course intimately interconnected with all the systems of your body, is designed to keep us safe. When we experience an emotion such as fear, worry or anxiety, the sympathetic nervous system takes over and helps to prepare you to fight or flee. The body does not know the difference as to whether this is happening in real time, or if it is something you are fearing in your mind. This can cause a constant state of stress and anxiety which triggers the release of stress hormones throughout your system constantly.

Our fight or flight response is not meant to be triggered over and over again, and while the fear thoughts might feel true, they often are not based in reality. (If you’d like a refresher on how to examine your thoughts, CLICK HERE.) Right now if you are worrying about getting sick, your loved ones, getting back to normal, finances, the economy or all of the above and more, you are most likely triggering this stress response at an overwhelming speed.

The parasympathetic nervous system is your rest and digest mode. It keeps your body in a state of homeostasis. This is where you want to live, unless of course there is a true emergency. The good news is that you always have access to your parasympathetic nervous system through your breath. You will breathe whether you think about it or not, however, when you bring the process of breathing into your consciousness and present moment experience, you can regulate your nervous system and return to balance.

Here’s an overview of the functions of your nervous system.

SYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM RESPONSE:

• Elevated heart rate

• Chronic muscle tension (body prepared to fight or flee with no release of energy)

• Increased threat perception (life seems more dangerous)

• Diminished neocortical functioning (can’t think clearly or focus)

• Loss of language and speech (blood diverted from prefrontal cortex to your fear center)

• Experiencing fearful or angry emotions

• Reactivity (emotional reactions vs. reasoned action)

• Perpetuation of anxiety and traumatic stress (mutual reinforcement: body says “I’m afraid,” mind says “there must be something to be afraid of,” body says “I’m ready to run or fight”)

• High brain-wave activity (thoughts race and are scattered, focusing is difficult)

PARASYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM RESPONSE:

• Optimal or normal heart rate

• Muscles relax (body feels comfortable)

• Decreased threat perception (life seems safer)

• Peak cognitive performance (can learn, reason, make wise decisions)

• Ability to speak about and make sense of experiences (optimal blood flow to cortex)

• Ability to regulate and handle a range of emotions

• Intentionality (reasoned actions vs. emotional reactivity)

• Positive social engagement (desire to seek pleasant and intimate contact)

• Ability to cultivate a sense of inner calm, reset nervous system to optimal functioning

• Low brain-wave activity (thoughts are focused, mental clarity)

One of the most effective ways to help yourself live in the parasympathetic nervous system response, or rest and digest mode, is by breathing deeply, completely and consciously.

DIAPHRAMAGHTIC BREATHING

To practice, place one hand on your abdomen and one hand on your chest. Take a few breaths and notice which hand is moving. Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose. Now begin to direct your breath to fill your abdomen as you inhale, your hand on your abdomen will lift. As you exhale, draw your navel in towards your spine, feeling your hand on your abdomen move back inwards. Repeat for 1-5 minutes, attempting to keep your focus on the process of breathing. Anytime your mind wanders (which most likely will be a lot) return your focus to your breath.

Diaphragmatic breathing allows your nervous system to reset. Once you have practiced deep breathing, check in with how you are feeling, your stress and anxiety levels. There are many breathing practices that can help to reset and calm your nervous system, however begin with this simple, accessible and always available breath.

Once you’ve practiced deep breathing, try one or more of the following techniques to maintain balance.

ADDITIONAL TECHNIQUES TO HELP CREATE INNER BALANCE

·      Count backwards from 100-1 by 7’s or 5’s. This gets your working memory going and removes the focus from the emotion center and part of the brain that activates the stress response.

·      Do a body scan. Scan through your body in your mind’s eye, notice anywhere you are holding tension. Consciously allow those muscles to relax. Check in with your body often, especially the places you tend to carry the most tension (common areas are space between your eyebrows, jaw, neck and shoulders, abdomen and lower back.)

·      Talk about your feelings. Sharing how you feel can have a tremendous impact on letting go of stress and emotional tension.

·      Practice the thought examination technique. You can get a refresher on that technique here.

·      Journal. Write out your feelings, practice releasing your stress and uncomfortable emotions with your pen and paper and notice the impact.

·      Listen to calming music. This allows your nervous system to relax and reset and remain in a more calm and balanced state.

·      Practice guided meditations. Listening to someone guide you through a visualization or relaxation experience will help to reset your nervous system. I like the app Insight Timer, however you can use any app/resource for guided meditations that suit you. (You can listen to my 5 minute guided deep breathing on my resources page HERE.)

·      Do something creative. Making or creating something is not only soothing for the nervous system, it is esteem building as well. This could be art, a meal, music, decorating/rearranging your space, crafts…)

Finding your way back to a state of balance is the most valuable thing you can do for yourself when you find yourself in a state of stress or anxiety. You deserve to live a life of balance and peace. Begin to train your nervous system through these practices and feel your inner experience flourish. Start with the breath, go from there and you can create inner calm and greater health and wellbeing, no matter the circumstances of life.

Am I An Emotional Eater?

During these times of living in quarantine, the isolation and worry has anxiety and stress at an all-time high. Many who may not typically suffer with disordered eating patterns are finding that they are turning to food (amongst other things) to release their stress and numb out the variety of uncomfortable feelings they are encountering daily. This can create a negative and damaging pattern of emotional and stress eating as a coping skill for anxiety, stress, and any uncomfortable emotions. If the pattern is left unattended it can turn into more serious disordered eating patterns and significant struggles related to health and wellbeing in mind and body.

If you are unsure if you are an emotional eater, you can take the following quiz to assess how far you may have slipped into a pattern of stress and emotional eating. 

Am I an Emotional Eater?

1.    Do you find that you feel overly full or “stuffed” after meals?

2.    Do you find yourself snacking throughout the day even if you are not feeling hungry?

3.    Do you find yourself thinking about food many times throughout the day?

4.    Do you eat/snack at night after dinner?

5.    Do you hide your food from others?

6.    Do you struggle with unwanted weight gain/weight fluctuations? 

7.    Have you tried multiple diets, supplements, workout routines with some success of weight loss only to regain the majority of the weight?

8.    Do you feel as though you live your life in a state of rushing and trying to stay busy most of the time?

9.    Do you feel as though your body and your health are suffering due to your eating and stress? 

10. Do you have an outlet or way of coping with your stress and emotions that you use consistently, such as journaling, attending therapy, a creative outlet, a hobby, a meditation or mindfulness practice, moving your body regularly, someone to talk to that you trust…?

11. Do you practice self-care regularly? This means engaging regularly in intentional relaxation and things that you find enjoyable for example: mindfulness, yoga, exercise, massage, walking, deep breathing, social time with friends regularly, taking self-enrichment classes, spiritual connection, reading for fun, create art/music, listen to music, spending time in nature…?

Scoring:

• Give yourself 1 point each for a “Yes” on Questions 1-9

• Give yourself 1 point each for a “No” on Questions 10 & 11

• If your score is a 9 or higher you are most likely an emotional eater and it may be indicative of deeper concerns in relation to your relationship with food.

• If your score is a 4-8 you most likely turn to food for comfort and release of emotional and physical stress and are at risk of it becoming more disordered.

• If your score is 2-3 you may turn to food at times, but you most likely have some other outlets for your emotions as well and now is a good time to make choices about how to cope more effectively with the current stressors you are experiencing.

• If your score is a 0 or 1 you most likely are not an emotional/stress eater.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by your response, it’s ok, awareness is always the first step to creating meaningful change in your life. Often when you have been struggling with emotional or stress eating for some time, you don’t recognize the level of stress you experience. This is because you’ve been using food to not have to experience the depths of your emotions and stress, however if you are now becoming more aware, you may recognize the patterns more extensively.

When you have been numbing out the stress and uncomfortable emotions, it’s a process to begin to separate out your food choices from your emotions and there is a lot you can do to begin to empower yourself to break free from emotional and stress eating patterns.

If you are ready for another approach and have no idea of where to begin, you might begin by reading this blog: I Just Discovered I’m Emotional Eater, Now What? Once you are aware of the pattern you can start by tapping into your self-care and coping skills. Begin to discover what nourishes you that is not food. Connect with the inner workings of your emotional world and shift your relationship to them. Begin to manage your stress slowly and effectively.

Know that there is hope for healing and awareness is always the first step. If you need some support through the change process, I have written many blogs on the topic. This one is an overview of the 10-Steps to Create a Life You Love that may be a helpful place to begin (all 10 are written about in-depth if this one piques your interest!) I encourage you to read what resonates with you and begin to implement any suggestions that feel right for you.

I offer other resources on my resources page related to mindfulness and nutrition, you can check those out here and here. You can check out my book as a self-help guide, Wholistic Food Therapy: A Mindful Approach to Making Peace with Food, if you are interested, you can find it HERE.  I also offer individual coaching packages to those who prefer a one-on-one approach.

Another resource is my signature online program, Freedom From Emotional Eating. It is a 10-module online course designed to help you break free from emotional and stress eating patterns by addressing the struggle from the deepest roots. This is an in-depth, self-paced and mindfulness centered approach to make peace with food. It is currently significantly discounted to help those who may need extra support during these quarantined, isolating times. Now is the time to heal, to move forward and create the relationship with food and with yourself that you desire.

No matter what resources you access, I hope that you find the support you need during these challenging times. Opening yourself to change, growth and healing is life changing and empowering. That is what we all need during these challenging times. I hope this finds you safe and healthy. Be well!