Step EIGHT to Creating a Life You Love: Building on the Change Process

“Quitting is never an option on the road to success. Find the way forward. If you have a positive mindset and are willing to persevere, there is little that is beyond your reach. The attitude of being ready to work even in the face of challenges and despite odds is what will make all the difference in your life.” ― Roopleen

Step 8 to creating a life that you love is about celebrating your change process and nurturing it as it develops. You will focus on the good, the wins you are achieving and the positive shifts that are occurring. You will have opportunities to make adjustments when your motivation needs some tweaking. Developing a consistent daily practice to focus on the positive and express gratitude will be outlined and encouraged to integrate into a daily self-awareness positivity practice. When you focus on what’s going well you tend to want to create more of it!

As we move into this step, and really the final three steps, the aspects surrounding change are more nuanced and less direct. They are more about how to hold onto the changes you’ve created and continuing to dive deeper into what you want and why you want it. Because backsliding is an inevitable part of the process, developing a daily practice to ensure forward momentum is essential.

You may find as some of the smaller steps become habits that your focus may change, what you want may change and your desires become deeper. For example, for many who struggle with emotional eating, they often initially have goals related to wanting to change their body in some way or adhere to some type of diet plan. However, after making shifts and changes, they recognize that their relationship with food, body—or anything else—are all reflected within their relationship with themselves. This is experienced through deep self-awareness and constant self-reflection.

This step is about allowing the positive changes you’ve created to become not just a rote habit, but to savor the experience of the change, to take in the positive feelings of the change and to recognize and be grateful to yourself that you are responsible for the change. This is worth celebrating! Gratitude and daily self-reflection practices that focus on what went well, what changes you’ve maintained and where you can fine-tune your vision is central.

Now that you have seen how a plan turns behaviors into habits, maintaining those habits is how to continue to build on the change process. Taking time daily to reflect on what you did do, what went well and the positive impact that it had on you will help to keep the motivation flowing. This is the time to incorporate gratitude as a practice into your daily routine. As you reflect on what went well, say thank you to yourself for taking the time to put action into your vision and make the changes you desire. Expressing gratitude to yourself to be able to take action and for any of the people who supported you or anything/one else that helped you through this process will allow you to experience an abundance of positive feelings. When you link these positive feelings with the process of change, that will create a stronger desire to keep going. Reflecting on the good, taking time to let it sink in deeply and expressing gratitude all support your progress and build upon the change process in a meaningful way.

Putting this daily practice into your routine would look something like this… Start a daily positive action and gratitude journal. Begin by taking a couple slow, deep, centering breaths. Open your journal and write down two things that you did today to support your vision. These will be any action steps you did take today, no matter how big or small. Focus on what went well and how it felt to complete those action steps. (If your mind tries to distract you with what you didn’t do or anything negative, pause and go back to focusing in this moment solely on the positive.) Take a moment to savor the positive feelings that arise, letting them sink into your being. Notice how it feels in your body to focus on the positive, along with celebrating your growth and change process. Now thank yourself for taking the time to do these action steps and notice how that feels to focus your gratitude inward. Next, write down two things/people you are grateful for from your day and specifically why you feel grateful for these things/people. Take a moment to savor those positive feelings of gratitude, letting them sink into your being. Notice how it feels in your body when you practice gratitude. Savor the positive experience of reflecting on your dedication and expressing gratitude.

This simple and yet super powerful daily practice will help keep you aligned to your greater vision for your life. This daily practice is such a rewarding part of the change process. It does not take much time; however, it makes a big difference in how you feel and ultimately sparks more desire to continue to take action consistently. As you build on the small steps you continue to take, over time you prepare yourself to make big changes and live your vision. You are creating a life that you love!

Step ONE to Creating a Life You Love: Self-Awareness

“Self awareness is the honest ability to take a look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad.” –Debbie Ford

Last week I introduced ten steps to creating a life that you love and over the next ten posts I’ll be diving deeper into each step. When I think about any of the changes I have made in life, usually the first time I attempted the change it didn’t stick. Things like exercising consistently, eating well, self-care, meditation, reducing stress and anxiety, all did not integrate so easily. When I was able to examine why I couldn’t seem to be consistent, I realized a lot about myself and how I operate. I need structure, support, accountability—and I have to need and want the change for a reason bigger than “I should” do this. It was through the process of self-reflection and self-awareness I could see where I was getting in my own way of making the changes I claimed I wanted in my life. That leads me to step one, which is self-awareness. This step encourages a process and specific practices to become deeply self-aware.

In order to know yourself fully and understand your patterns—whether they are positive (encourage change and consistency) or negative (self-sabotage and fear based)—and get comfortable with the discomfort of change, you MUST have self-awareness. This first step to creating a life that you love offers you the ultimate foundation for change. The process of becoming more self-aware allows you to explore and examine your internal emotional world, how you respond to life, what motivates and inspires you as well as the often self-created blocks to change that are standing in your way.

Mindfulness is a major part of this step, as is self-compassion. Having a deeper understanding why you have not yet made the changes you set out to make more than once is key to knowing yourself and building your Inner Strength to make it happen. When you are living mindfully you create opportunities to know yourself and accept yourself completely with a nonjudgmental awareness. When you can remove the judgment you remove pain and shame. This step presents opportunities to create practices to live a truly mindful life. As you become more self-aware, present and accepting, you will begin to tune into and listen to your inner wisdom.

Understanding how to be mindful and practicing mindfulness have been big time game changers in my life. I have learned that I am indeed my own worst enemy—or my greatest ally. If you have had a desire to make a specific change in your life, possibly in relation to your relationship with food, understanding yourself and why you have not stepped into a space of change will create the opportunity to open yourself up to the possibilities on the other side of your limiting beliefs and fears.

When it comes to emotional and stress eating, the difficult part about change can be not understanding how it became a negative pattern, and then not knowing what else to do with stress and uncomfortable emotions besides soothe them with food (or fill in food with whatever your self sabotage patterns may be). That is why self-awareness is where we start. When you become self-aware, you understand and see clearly where your patterns have arisen from so that you can begin to create change through self-awareness, self-reflection and self-compassion.

While self-awareness is understanding that the patterns exist, self-reflection allows you to understand how these unhealthy patterns originated and become “stuck” and then self-compassion creates internal peace and acceptance. All of these elements require that you are mindful, that you are fully present and that you engage with what is true right now without judging it. This vital piece of mindfulness—the nonjudgment—is the kicker! You might feel really adept at being present, however, your ego might have a WHOLE LOT to say about the present moment as it is being presented to you—this is right, this wrong, this your fault, this is their fault, you are superior, you are inferior—the poor ego is where we usually hold much of our internal messiness. Being nonjudgmental and compassionate recognizes that we all are a mess to some degree and that is not good or bad, it’s just what is true right now.

Below are some questions that allow you tap into what you want in a reflective way. These questions offer an opportunity to understand your limiting beliefs, your internal “mess” and begin to not only challenge them, but understand that they are a part of your past and you no longer need them as you move forward. Couple this self-reflection with self-awareness and a daily dose of mindfulness and you will be well immersed in step one!

Pull out your favorite journal or any pen and paper and as you read each question just begin to “free write” whatever comes to mind. Don’t overthink this and definitely do not judge what comes up and out. Just write…

1.    What do I think when I hear the word change?

2.    How does it feel in my body when I think about the word change?

3.    What do I want?

4.    What limiting beliefs do I have about what you want?

5.    Do I believe it is possible for me to have this, why or why not?

6.    Is any of what I want coming from a space of ego, meaning what others will think if I had this, or having this makes me a better or worse person in the eyes of others?

7.    Are there any internal judgments coming up inside of me because I want this?

8.    How much do I want this, how long have I wanted this, what have I done so far to get this?

9.    What is the reason I have not pursued what I want?

10. Where did this reason come from?

11. What motivates me when I do pursue what I want?

12. What is my biggest fear?

Now read back over your answers and notice how it feels to be in a space of self-reflection and self-awareness. I recommend that you follow up with some free writing from a space of self-compassion. The three steps to self-compassion are: 1. mindfulness, recognizing how you are feeling in this moment without judging it; 2. creating a sense of connection, recognizing that at times everyone feels this way; and 3. kindness, speaking to yourself as you would a friend about why you have not moved forward towards what you want as well as offering yourself kind reassurance. Write down your biggest insights that you have created through self-reflection.

I encourage you to practice a mindful minute every day for this next week (and beyond!) where you set a timer and begin to connect to the rhythm of your breath. Any time you notice that you are attending to a distraction, such as a thought, a sound, an emotion or a body sensation, release the distraction and return your focus to your breath. Your mind may get distracted every second, that’s ok! Just return your focus to your breath every second! Mindfulness is called a practice for a reason! Remember that in life you get good at what you practice…

So that’s first step towards creating a life that you love, self-awareness. When you know yourself and stop judging yourself—and you open yourself to understanding your own blocks and doing the work to move forward—you set yourself up to create a life that you love.

I will be back next week with step two, aligning with your sense of purpose. This step will be fun and engaging, however, it will be most helpful to move forward when you understand why you have been standing still, so do the work this week to reflect to prepare yourself to tap into your vision and purpose!

10 Steps to Creating A Life You LOVE

If you are ready to make 2020 a year of clarity and purpose—and you know you want this year to matter— stay tuned here as I will be covering ten essential steps to leading yourself towards a life that you love. Today I will give you an overview and then for the next ten weeks I’ll be diving a little deeper into each of the steps. If you have a dream for your year, these steps will help you make your dream a reality! My work is geared towards those who struggle with emotional and stress eating, so going forward these steps will offer guidance specific to those needs, however, they fit well with anything you’d like to achieve and will offer everyone inspiration and motivation along the way!

Step 1: Self-Awareness

This first step is all about becoming deeply self-aware. In order to know yourself fully and understand your patterns and get comfortable with the discomfort of change, you must have self-awareness. This step creates the ultimate foundation for change. When you become self-aware you will explore and examine your internal emotional world, how you respond to life and any potential blocks to change that are standing in your way. Mindfulness allows you to create opportunities to know yourself and accept yourself completely. This step presents opportunities to create practices to live a truly mindful life. As you become more self-aware, present and accepting, you will begin to be able to tune into and listen to your inner wisdom.

Step 2: Aligning with a Sense of Purpose

Step two is about creating a sense of purpose that drives your motivation towards the change you’re seeking. When you can align consistently with your purpose you will be able to explore why change is important to you and why it is necessary. When you understand the change process and create a vision that supports your why, you will live in that alignment and remain motivated and inspired towards the change you desire. There’s a lot of talk about finding your purpose out there, which can feel daunting. This step allows you to break it down and offer a way to explore your sense of purpose if it isn’t clear—and how to work within why you want the change you desire and aligning that with your personal values. If your sense of purpose is clear to you, you will access that consistently to remain in alignment with your vision.

Step 3: Creating a Plan of Action

Without a plan your vision will remain only a dream. Step 3 will help you outline your specific plan and use it to create consistent action towards what you desire. Once you have a sense of purpose and a clear vision, you will focus with a new mindset on how to execute effectively in order to create a life that you love. Having a plan offers an opportunity to do just this and is an essential step to creating change. Creating a vision is fun and creative. Formulating a plan is practical and action focused. Your specific plan will allow you to move into a space of action, a space of change and is specific, doable and desirable.

Step 4: Evaluating Your Current Life and Lifestyle

Step 4 is all about evaluating how you are currently functioning in terms of living well, feeling well and being well. This step will help you understand and evaluate how you are integrating the foundations of wellness into your current lifestyle. You will have opportunities in this step to create greater wellbeing within your current life. There will be opportunities for self-reflection and to assess your current wellbeing within this step and where you might create more fluidity in your lifestyle that will help lead to the changes you desire.

Step 5: Monitor Your Process and Respond to Obstacles Along the Way

Step five outlines the need to monitor your progress in order to create the change you desire. It’s one thing to create a plan, it’s another to execute it! This step allows you to explore your inner resistance to change and learn how to build your resilience to ensure that change you desire shifts from a fantasy into reality based action. Resistance to change is the number one reason we don’t follow through. Resistance dampens motivation and zaps inspiration and keeps us stuck in this discomfort of our comfort zone and convinces us that that is better than the discomfort of stepping out of our comfort zone and into change. There will be opportunities in this step to build resilience as an anecdote to resistance and some serious reality checks to keep you moving forward!

Step 6: Create a Support Network

Step 6 emphasizes the need to have a strong support network on your side in order to make the changes you desire in your life. Without support change is way more difficult. Without support, life can be difficult and lonely. With support, you can reach out, stay motivated and feel inspired to move forward even when it’s difficult. You will evaluate the nature of your relationships, acknowledge the ones you’d like to improve, explore how to continue to develop new healthy partnerships all while improving your ability to communicate assertively, compassionately and effectively.

Step 7: Moving Forward with a Steady Pace to Create True Self-Leadership

Step 7 helps you create an understanding of how to continue to lead yourself through the change process at a steady, manageable pace. This step offers opportunities to evaluate and adjust your plan as needed, to continue to forge through any residual resistance and personalize your change process. Understanding leadership skills and becoming a strong leader for yourself is emphasized. We are often used to either being led or leading others, however, leading yourself is where your true internal power lies.

Step 8: Building on the Change Process

Step 8 is about celebrating your change process and nurturing it as it develops. With this step you will focus on the good, the wins you are achieving, and the positive shifts that are occurring. You will have opportunities to make adjustments when your motivation needs some tweaking. Developing a consistent gratitude and appreciation practice will be outlined and encouraged to integrate into daily self-awareness positivity practice. When you focus on what’s going well you tend to create more of it!

Step 9: Create Adjustments Through Self-Reflection and Acknowledging Change

Step 9 is about understanding how new learning can be integrated throughout your personal change process and how you can apply it to all areas of your life. Fine tuning your change process will be discussed which allows you to continue to deepen your self-reflection and self-awareness. This ensures that you continue to feel good about the person you are growing into on a daily basis. Celebrating any changes that have occurred is encouraged!

Step 10: Self-Reflection and Re-Evaluation

The 10th and final step is about graceful living and self-compassion through the growth process—which really is a lifelong process! With this step, you may find that your goals shift and maybe even majorly change. There will be opportunities for evaluating your personal change process and ensuring that you create a life-long dedication to being Wholistically, Unapologetically and Authentically You!

So consider something you’d like to shift, change or create within your life and join me over the next ten posts to lead yourself towards the change you desire!