Step SIX to Creating a Life You Love: Creating a Support Network

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
– Anais Nin

You are now half-way through the 10 Steps to Create a Life You Love! Have you been working on any change in particular? If so, you can see how in depth and what a process change really is. Now it’s time to dive into step 6. Step 6 emphasizes the need to have a strong support network on your side in order to make the changes you desire in your life. Without support, change is way more difficult. Without having others help to support and move you in the direction of your vision, life can be difficult, lonely and stagnant. On the other side of that, when you do have support, you can reach out, connect, stay motivated and feel inspired to move forward even—or really especially—when it’s difficult.

Through step 6, you will evaluate the nature of your relationships, acknowledge the ones you’d like to improve, explore how to continue to develop new healthy partnerships all while improving your ability to communicate assertively, compassionately and effectively. Have you heard the saying that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with? That can be a good thing and it can also be a not so good thing. Consider these five people in your mind right now. What does that bring up for you? Are you ok with the influence of those people? Do these people encourage you to be your best version of yourself? Do they support you and inspire you? Do they lift you up or pull you down? These are important questions to consider when thinking about how you ask for and receive the support you need as you embark on any change in life.

Support feels good. It feels good to be believed in, to have your capabilities, talents, and unique qualities mirrored back to you in a way that feels encouraging, motivating and inspiring. As you begin to consider your support network that will help you meet your goals, who comes to mind? Each person in your life will serve different aspects of the support you need. Sometimes you may need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to just listen and care, while other times you might need encouragement, coaching, accountability and an excuses detector. What one person in your life may be able to give you, another may not—and that’s ok! If you think about yourself as the CEO of your life, who would you want on your board of directors? Who do you trust, feel connected to and know would support you in living your vision? Who do you want on your team? Write down your greatest current supports and how you feel they could support you in different ways.

If you feel like this is all well and good, and yet when you look at those five people you spend the most time with, they do not exactly light you up in a way that is motivating, helpful or inspiring, you may need to expand your circle. This can take time and be daunting, but it is worth it to create connections that are meaningful and that will help you grow into the best version of yourself. Not all relationships do this, it is essential to form some that do. (And if you could benefit from improving any of those relationships you can read more about the health benefits of close core relationships here!)

If you have no idea where you could meet people, start with simple steps, first thinking of what goal you want to achieve (for inspiration you can read more about the benefits of a strong social support here). Where might other people working towards this same goal hang out? Could you hire a coach and/or join a local support group connected to this goal? Could you reach out within your community and get involved in a new way? Is there a book club that interests you, or that you could start? What community classes are available? Look outside what you are currently doing if you need to expand your support network and begin to create it in an intentional and meaningful way.

Once you have the people in mind and know how you’d like them to support you as you strive for change, it’s helpful to let them know what you are attempting to accomplish. When you let them in on your vision and what it means to you create a life you love and any areas where you are struggling, you create opportunities to improve your relationships. You can ask directly for the support you need and they are free to agree to support you and they are free to not. It’s up to you to ask. This reaching out process is so valuable because it makes your vision more real, and to feel more possible when you share it.

Many people keep their dreams to themselves and want to either surprise people with their changes, or not feel pressured if they don’t make the changes. This creates isolation, loneliness and may cause disruptions in your relationships. Communication, sharing and allowing yourself to be vulnerable can not only improve your relationships but help make the process of achieving what you want more accessible.

The concept of needing and accessing support is essential to personal growth, development and change. When those who care about you know about your goals it will help you determine who will be there for you as you grow and change and who may not support you in the changes you make. Finding out who will be there for you, who you can trust and rely on is so helpful. Many of us live fast-paced stress-out lives. It’s time to slow down, evaluate and relax into life. Having a board of directors to assist with that process will enhance your ability to grow and change and live a life that you love.

Step FOUR to Creating a Life You Love: Evaluating Your Current Life & Lifestyle

“The concept of total wellness recognizes that our every thought, word, and behavior affects our greater health and well-being. And we, in turn, are affected not only emotionally but also physically and spiritually.”
--Greg Anderson

Step 4 to creating a life you love is all about evaluating how well you currently care for yourself in mind, body and spirit. Through this step you will learn about the foundations of wellbeing. You will have opportunities to evaluate how you are currently functioning in each of these foundations in order to assess how you feel you are doing in terms of living well, feeling well and being well. Through self-evaluation you can determine if there are any shifts and changes you would like to create. There will be opportunities to reflect and notice where you can create more fluidity in your lifestyle that will help lead you to the changes you desire.

No matter what your vision for your life may be, when you are taking care of yourself in mind, body and spirit, you will be more likely to have the energy, mental clarity and the necessary inner spark and desire to work towards your goals. If your goals fall within the foundations of wellbeing, then you will really enjoy this step. If they don’t, this step will be important for you too as this foundation creates more freedom for you to create whatever you desire within your life. The foundations of wellbeing are movement, nutrition, sleep and intentional relaxation. When your foundation is strong and your wellbeing becomes a priority, you will be unstoppable as you propel towards pursuit of your life’s vision.

Take a moment and assess your current state of wellbeing. Ask yourself the following questions.

-Do you move your body regularly in a way that keeps it feeling mobile, strong and healthy?

-Do you eat vegetables daily and pay attention to how what you eat makes you feel?

-Do you eat mindfully, meaning pay attention to the process of eating without distraction?

-Do you get adequate and quality sleep?

-Do you take time to relax in an intentional way? Meaning, do you give yourself space to calm and center yourself in mind, body and spirit?

-Is your current lifestyle reflective of your vision and purpose?

-Does your current lifestyle reflect your personal values?

Any wellness routine and way of integrating wellbeing practices into your life will look and feel different from person to person as we all have individual preferences, needs and ways of being. One person might find that within the movement foundation, gentle yoga is what suits their body best while someone else might find that preparing for a half marathon is more fulfilling. With nutrition, we all have different needs. When you assess if you get adequate vegetables, what does that look like for you? No matter what you are eating, paying attention and noticing how what you eat makes you feel is one of the most important elements of being nourished by food. The same is true for sleep, although this tends to be something many people let slide out of focus easily. Intentional relaxation is different than Netflix and chill. While this might be how you unwind or have fun, it is not a true state of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual relaxation. Examples of intentional relaxation include meditation, creating art, reading, taking a bath, having lunch with friends, praying, spending time in nature… Intentional relaxation provides fulfillment, rejuvenation, vitality and pleasure in your life that feels good to you and creates inner peace.

Creating a strong state of true wellness is a journey. Most of us are stressed, tired and live in an overall imbalanced way. When the foundations of wellbeing become a priority, your ability to cope with stress, solve problems and feel mentally and physically well enough to take on much of what life delivers will be far more available. When you create a strong foundation for your physical body, your mental and emotional world can become more available to explore and you can continue to grow and expand mentally and spiritually.

The process of focusing on your own wellbeing requires commitment. When you have a vision for your life and a sense of purpose—and a plan to make it happen—your focus can shift to your wellbeing. When you create true mind, body, spirit wellness within your life, you set the groundwork to live your best life. Begin by choosing ONE area that may be out of balance for you and start with ONE element that you can incorporate in a positive way. Continue building slowly. Once your body is vital and healthy you can dive deeper into mental, emotional and spiritual wellness. This is where personal growth becomes a daily process and daily opportunity. As you move through these steps to leading yourself to living your best life, be sure to offer yourself ample time to creating a solid foundation for wellness and overall wellbeing.

Step THREE to Creating a Life You Love: Create a Plan of Action

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” ― Benjamin Franklin

Today I am talking about Step three to Creating a Life You Love: Creating a Plan of Action. Creating a plan of action allows you to take your vision and purpose and make them a reality. Without a plan, your vision will remain only a dream. This step will help you outline your specific plan through goal setting and use it to create consistent action towards what you desire. Once you have a sense of purpose and a clear vision, you will focus with a new mindset so that you can execute effectively in order to create a life that you love.

When you create and use a clear, specific plan, you will create an opportunity to live your vision in action and this is an essential step to creating change. Creating a vision is fun and creative, while formulating a plan is practical and action focused. Your specific plan will allow you to move into a space of action, a space of change that you desire where you will live your vision and purpose.

This time of year, we often have a vision of a better version of ourselves, a hope that we will make better choices and set a resolution of sorts to move in that direction. How many people still remember or are actively working towards a new year’s resolution by February? Unfortunately, not so many. This is most likely because they did not have a plan, they got stuck in the wishing and hoping phase. The process to create a plan of action is this: 1. Set specific doable and desirable goals, 2. Create 3-5 specific action steps that will allow you meet that goal 3. Write in your planner/calendar when you will complete the action steps each week 4. Execute your plan! 5. Reward yourself.

These steps are the essential formula to living your vision and creating a life that you love. These steps create order and opportunity to put your vision into action. If your vision for your life is to live a long, healthy, happy, vibrant life, without a starting point of a goal or any action steps to take, it most likely will remain a hope, a wish for it to happen one day... When you put this system into place, change will have to happen. When you begin to make the changes, no matter how uncomfortable that may be in the beginning of the process (the execution/sticking to the plan) you will feel good about yourself. We all know that it feels good to feel good, so you will want more of that, which is positive motivation to keep executing your action plan.

So let’s get started on formulating your goals, action steps and a plan of action today. First, review your vision for your life that you created during step 2: Aligning with Your Sense of Purpose. When you review it, what stands out the most? What do you truly want and why do you want it? How does what you want align with your greater sense of purpose and personal values? As you review these elements of your vision, what is ONE goal you can set that will help you create your vision? Write this down. Now ask yourself, is this goal specific, meaning is it measurable? How will you know when you’ve reached this goal? Ask yourself if this is doable, meaning will you be able to put it into action within your current life, schedule and routines? And lastly, ask yourself, is this goal desirable, meaning do you really want it? Read your goal out loud to yourself. Now let’s work on the steps you will take to make this goal accessible within your life by creating the specific action steps.

Write down 3-5 action steps that will make this goal a reality. Let’s say your overall vision is living a long healthy, happy, vibrant life. For example, one goal to support this vision could be to exercise for at least 30 minutes 3-5 times/week. It is this specific? Yes, it describes what: exercise for at least 30 minutes and when: 3-5 days each week. Now let’s create the supportive action steps it will take to make this happen, where you will get even more specific. Some examples of action steps that support this goal are: 1. To hit your 10,000 steps at least 2x’s/week 2. To take a movement class weekly that you enjoy (yoga, dance, something at the gym…) 3. To take the stairs anytime they are a reasonable option 4. Take a hike in nature 1x/month 5. Break a sweat at least 2x’s/week (jog, HIIT, brisk walking, vigorous yoga, barre class, strength training…) These are all specific and you want to ensure that whatever action steps you develop, they are also doable and desirable within your current life.

Now it’s time create your plan. When you pre-plan exactly when you will do these action steps you will be 90% more likely to make it happen. So get out your planner/calendar and write down specifically when you will do each of the action steps that you created, including the day and the time. If you’d prefer to focus on 1 or 2 action steps to begin, then do that. When you integrate change slowly and consistently you will be more likely to sustain the changes. Create this as a weekly practice, planning what, when, where etc…to ensure that it becomes a habit within your life. This is how your vision becomes a reality, by taking consistent action.

This brings us to execution, meaning actually doing what you planned to do in the first place. It’s one thing to make a plan, it’s a whole other thing to execute it consistently. This is where mindset is super valuable. Visualize yourself taking action, allow it to become nonnegotiable (no excuses!) When you create a sense of alignment with your vision and purpose and remain connected to why you want what you want, you will be motivated to execute your plan consistently. Do something that allows you to stay connected to your vision in some form each day to increase your motivation and commitment to take consistent action.

The last element of creating your plan of action is to reward yourself when you meet your goals. As humans, we are driven by rewards. For something such as an exercise goal, you might set a monthly reward if you stick to your plan of action and consistently execute your plan 3 out of 4 weeks. What reward feels motivating and equal to the work you will do towards creating this change? Maybe it’s a new pair of shoes or clothing for a specific exercise routine, maybe it’s a class at a favorite yoga center, or a new water bottle—anything connected to supporting your goal. If that doesn’t feel motivating, then it’s not the right reward for you. Maybe you would feel more motivated by a spa treatment, a nice dinner out or anything else you find enjoyable and worth the work you are doing to create this change. Celebrate your accomplishment and recognize the work you do to create the change you want.

Once your goal has become a part of your routine and it’s no longer something you have to think about and something you no longer resist, it will be deeply integrated into your lifestyle. This is when you know it is time to move into the next goal, where you will start at the beginning of the process, reviewing your vision and determining where to go next. I hope you have fun with this step of creating a plan of action. This step is about committing to yourself, your vision and your purpose so you can bring your vision into reality, starting today!