“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
– Anais Nin

You are now half-way through the 10 Steps to Create a Life You Love! Have you been working on any change in particular? If so, you can see how in depth and what a process change really is. Now it’s time to dive into step 6. Step 6 emphasizes the need to have a strong support network on your side in order to make the changes you desire in your life. Without support, change is way more difficult. Without having others help to support and move you in the direction of your vision, life can be difficult, lonely and stagnant. On the other side of that, when you do have support, you can reach out, connect, stay motivated and feel inspired to move forward even—or really especially—when it’s difficult.

Through step 6, you will evaluate the nature of your relationships, acknowledge the ones you’d like to improve, explore how to continue to develop new healthy partnerships all while improving your ability to communicate assertively, compassionately and effectively. Have you heard the saying that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with? That can be a good thing and it can also be a not so good thing. Consider these five people in your mind right now. What does that bring up for you? Are you ok with the influence of those people? Do these people encourage you to be your best version of yourself? Do they support you and inspire you? Do they lift you up or pull you down? These are important questions to consider when thinking about how you ask for and receive the support you need as you embark on any change in life.

Support feels good. It feels good to be believed in, to have your capabilities, talents, and unique qualities mirrored back to you in a way that feels encouraging, motivating and inspiring. As you begin to consider your support network that will help you meet your goals, who comes to mind? Each person in your life will serve different aspects of the support you need. Sometimes you may need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to just listen and care, while other times you might need encouragement, coaching, accountability and an excuses detector. What one person in your life may be able to give you, another may not—and that’s ok! If you think about yourself as the CEO of your life, who would you want on your board of directors? Who do you trust, feel connected to and know would support you in living your vision? Who do you want on your team? Write down your greatest current supports and how you feel they could support you in different ways.

If you feel like this is all well and good, and yet when you look at those five people you spend the most time with, they do not exactly light you up in a way that is motivating, helpful or inspiring, you may need to expand your circle. This can take time and be daunting, but it is worth it to create connections that are meaningful and that will help you grow into the best version of yourself. Not all relationships do this, it is essential to form some that do. (And if you could benefit from improving any of those relationships you can read more about the health benefits of close core relationships here!)

If you have no idea where you could meet people, start with simple steps, first thinking of what goal you want to achieve (for inspiration you can read more about the benefits of a strong social support here). Where might other people working towards this same goal hang out? Could you hire a coach and/or join a local support group connected to this goal? Could you reach out within your community and get involved in a new way? Is there a book club that interests you, or that you could start? What community classes are available? Look outside what you are currently doing if you need to expand your support network and begin to create it in an intentional and meaningful way.

Once you have the people in mind and know how you’d like them to support you as you strive for change, it’s helpful to let them know what you are attempting to accomplish. When you let them in on your vision and what it means to you create a life you love and any areas where you are struggling, you create opportunities to improve your relationships. You can ask directly for the support you need and they are free to agree to support you and they are free to not. It’s up to you to ask. This reaching out process is so valuable because it makes your vision more real, and to feel more possible when you share it.

Many people keep their dreams to themselves and want to either surprise people with their changes, or not feel pressured if they don’t make the changes. This creates isolation, loneliness and may cause disruptions in your relationships. Communication, sharing and allowing yourself to be vulnerable can not only improve your relationships but help make the process of achieving what you want more accessible.

The concept of needing and accessing support is essential to personal growth, development and change. When those who care about you know about your goals it will help you determine who will be there for you as you grow and change and who may not support you in the changes you make. Finding out who will be there for you, who you can trust and rely on is so helpful. Many of us live fast-paced stress-out lives. It’s time to slow down, evaluate and relax into life. Having a board of directors to assist with that process will enhance your ability to grow and change and live a life that you love.

As promised in my last post, I will be detailing the eight wellness essentials outlined in that post one by one. The first area of wellness to live a life of vitality is all about having a strong social support including friends, family and community groups. Spending time with friends and enjoying the company of others provides a tremendous amount of benefit to our lives.

From the wellness perspective, having a strong social support creates the best circumstances to live a long, healthy and happy life. When you share the company of friends, you might share a meal, a shopping venture, a walk, an experience or even a good cry. The benefit to your health comes in the process of sharing, of feeling connected, supported, heard and cared for. Having a support system where you can be your authentic self allows you to feel safe, valuable and secure.

By nature, we are social creatures. We have a need to create a sense of safety in our lives, and a solid social support offers just that. When you find your tribe, the people who unconditionally love and accept you, you feel supported, cared for and you can give yourself permission to be you. This can be a challenge to find as so many of us show up to life with a lot of social anxiety. This anxiety will cause you to worry about what people think about you, you may fear that you will be judged and this can cause you to feel as though you have to be *perfect* in order for people to want to be around you.

When you are ready to reconcile your perfectionism, release your anxiety and just be you. Inevitably, your social life will open up in a positive way. When this occurs you no longer attempt to hide behind perfectionism or people pleasing and you can be your true self. When you allow yourself to relax and become more confident in social circumstances, you become a better and better version of yourself through your relationships. In our current culture more and more people are connecting through social media outlets and yet more and more people are expressing feelings of isolation and loneliness. We all long for genuine, nonjudgmental connection.

If you find that you are feeling more isolated and lonely when it comes to a social network, know that there is always an opportunity to grow and expand into a social support that will be beneficial for you. If social anxiety is crippling for you, it might be helpful to seek additional support to work through your fears and automatic responses when it comes to social situations so that you can create more opportunities to expand both your social support and to feel more confident and less anxious. If you do not feel that you have overwhelming social anxiety but have become isolated for other reasons, there are many things you can do today to begin to grow your social support.

Having a strong social support is a wellness essential, and what that looks like, just like any wellness journey is absolutely personal to you. For one person it may feel best to have a small, tight group of friends where others may prefer to have a variety of friends across many social experiences. There is no wrong way to grow in your social support! If you feel as though you have a strong social support and feel really good about the relationships you currently have, then take some time to reach out to those people and let them know how important and meaningful their relationship is to you. If you feel as though you’d like to grow socially and strengthen your current or potential social connections, I put together the following list to help you think about how to expand your social outlet in a way that feels nurturing and healthy for you.

Try one or more of the following to grow your social support today:
-Take an in-person class on a topic that interests you
-Host a dinner party for an organization you are already a part of
-Join a book club
-Join a Meetup group
-Go to an event that sounds interesting to you and talk to one person you don’t know
-Go to a community meeting/religious service/open house event… and talk to one person you don’t know
-If you have kids, have a play date for your kids whose parents you’d like to get to know better
-Call an old friend that you haven’t talked to in a while and catch up
-Volunteer anywhere
-Participate in a committee at your work, kid’s school, in the community…
-Get your friends together for a potluck this weekend

From the list, what feels doable? What feels as though it would help you grow and strengthen your social support? When you try one, notice the impact of creating meaningful connections on how you feel about yourself.