Step TWO to Creating a Life You Love: Aligning with Your Purpose

“If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.” ―Jack Canfield

Do you feel that you are living in alignment with your life’s purpose? If not, or if you don’t even have an inkling what your purpose might be, you are not alone. Many people feel that having a purpose means that you need to be working/living/sleeping/breathing that purpose every second of every day. This is not this case. If you think your purpose has to be on par with saving the world, something magnificent and deeply meaningful, that may keep you stuck from actually aligning with it. Your purpose is your own and cannot be created by anyone else or diminished in any way. It may or may not have anything to do with your work, but more with how you approach your work and how you live your life.

Knowing what you want in life, why you want it and having a vision for your life—a vision that aligns with your personal values and brings you joy—that is living your purpose! This brings us to the heart of step two, which is creating a vision for your life based on your values and desires and then beginning to make a series of choices (through goal setting/action steps) in order to create the opportunity to live a life that you love. This opens you up to your purpose, which is the continual process of growing into a better, more whole, more evolved version of you.

The process of visioning is inspiring, motivating and fun. I love visioning. I love creating an image in my mind’s eye of what I want and feeling the inspiration that comes from believing in myself and having a dream that is expansive. When I first created a vision board, I discovered it was about so much more than just wishing for nice things to have one day in the future. I discovered the process of setting intentions to align how I live with what I want and how it is imperative to remain connected to the WHY behind the desire. When I connected with why I wanted certain elements or things in my life I could connect with my purpose. The why creates constant inspiration, and inspiration allows me to express myself and feel authentic and in alignment with my sense of purpose. The vision board process was a part of that alignment because through creating my vision for my life, I grew in self-awareness. Through this process, I was able to see that if there is something I want in my life; I am responsible for making it happen.

I created that first vision board at least ten years ago, and when I periodically look back on it, I see how much I have created within my life because of the intention behind it. I have since used visioning as a regular practice, I use a list now (although I still collect images that I will one day make into a new vision board!) and I connect with my list often by reading it, visualizing it and asking myself what I am doing or what action am I taking to allow these desires to enter my life.

Practicing mindfulness and visualization consistently helps to create a sense of being centered and allows me to recognize any internal resistance (any internal naysayers) so that I can clear those blocks and stay focused on what I want and why I want it. This process is connected to the self-awareness we built through step one. The energy that is created through visioning, visualizing and staying in alignment with the WHY driving what I want helps to generate momentum. When I have momentum I am more likely to take action to create the changes necessary to live my vision. Only then can I truly connect with my vision and sense of purpose from a non-ego-based space (this is not necessarily easy!) My vision, and a reminder of it daily, is a consistent reminder to take action. When I am feeling a little lazy, or when I am listening to my internal negative naysayers, it’s so helpful to pull out my list, do some visualization, connect with the action steps that will lead me to creating my vision and feel motivated to do the work…but I’m getting ahead of myself—we’ll cover more of that in future steps! For now, let’s focus on the vision and its connection to aligning with your purpose.

This step will offer you continued inspiration as well as direction to take your broader vision and bring it into your daily life in a realistic, useful and meaningful way. In step two you will connect to why you want what you want and (spoiler alert!) in step three you will create a plan of action through goals and action steps. The process of visioning and creating self-awareness is about so much more than fantasy or imaginary desire, it’s a creative connection to what you want at your core, what lights you up and brings you joy. Visioning creates a spark within, a hope and need for growth, change and fulfillment. Your vision inspires a greater version of yourself to become a possibility. As you bring this step into your focus this week, I hope you begin to feel that spark and let it continue to light you up every single day. What you want is possible, but it’s up to you to create it, to build it and to grow it all throughout your life. And this is how you align with your purpose.

So now it’s time to put step two to work. Pull out your favorite journal—or anything to write with and on—and get ready to tap into your sense of purpose through your vision for your life. Let yourself take this time to connect deeply with what you want and why you want it. Answer the following questions with the first answers that come to mind, try not to overthink it and definitely DO NOT judge what comes up for you, just write!

1.    What do I want? Be as specific and detailed as possible. DO NOT let your fears, limiting beliefs or any internal naysayers get in your way! There is nothing too small or large, too crazy or sane, too perfect or messy…just write it allllll out!

2.    How would it make me feel emotionally if I had this?

3.    How would it feel in my body to have this?

4. Why do I want this?

5. What do I value the most and why?

6. What do I find myself most often searching for/reading/researching on the internet?

7. What do I daydream about?

8. What does a perfect “work” day look like for me?

9. What does a perfect “off” day look like for me?

10. If I was living my purpose and vision six months from now what would my life look like? (Be as specific as possible.)

11. How do I want to feel?

Take time to read back everything you wrote and write out your vision for what you want now. If you notice any internal resistance, judgments or ego superiority/inferiority trying to jump in your way, pause, remind yourself of how what you want makes you feel and keep writing. Be as detailed and positive as possible. Believe in the possibility that you can create a life you love through aligning with your vision and purpose.

Every day this week connect with your vision, what you want and why you want it. Read and re-read your vision, give yourself time to sit with the good feelings that come up along with the hope that your vision will become your reality. Stay in a space of self-awareness, knowing that this is your vision and there is a deeper reason as to why you want it, why it is important to you and how you can begin to connect with it as a possibility on a daily basis. Take time to examine where your purpose shows itself to you within your vision, your values and why you want what you want. Take time to enjoy the process and fully experience the joy in aligning with your vision and your purpose without having to try to control or know exactly what comes next.

Next week we will explore step three, Creating a Plan of ACTION! Until then, happy visioning!

Step ONE to Creating a Life You Love: Self-Awareness

“Self awareness is the honest ability to take a look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad.” –Debbie Ford

Last week I introduced ten steps to creating a life that you love and over the next ten posts I’ll be diving deeper into each step. When I think about any of the changes I have made in life, usually the first time I attempted the change it didn’t stick. Things like exercising consistently, eating well, self-care, meditation, reducing stress and anxiety, all did not integrate so easily. When I was able to examine why I couldn’t seem to be consistent, I realized a lot about myself and how I operate. I need structure, support, accountability—and I have to need and want the change for a reason bigger than “I should” do this. It was through the process of self-reflection and self-awareness I could see where I was getting in my own way of making the changes I claimed I wanted in my life. That leads me to step one, which is self-awareness. This step encourages a process and specific practices to become deeply self-aware.

In order to know yourself fully and understand your patterns—whether they are positive (encourage change and consistency) or negative (self-sabotage and fear based)—and get comfortable with the discomfort of change, you MUST have self-awareness. This first step to creating a life that you love offers you the ultimate foundation for change. The process of becoming more self-aware allows you to explore and examine your internal emotional world, how you respond to life, what motivates and inspires you as well as the often self-created blocks to change that are standing in your way.

Mindfulness is a major part of this step, as is self-compassion. Having a deeper understanding why you have not yet made the changes you set out to make more than once is key to knowing yourself and building your Inner Strength to make it happen. When you are living mindfully you create opportunities to know yourself and accept yourself completely with a nonjudgmental awareness. When you can remove the judgment you remove pain and shame. This step presents opportunities to create practices to live a truly mindful life. As you become more self-aware, present and accepting, you will begin to tune into and listen to your inner wisdom.

Understanding how to be mindful and practicing mindfulness have been big time game changers in my life. I have learned that I am indeed my own worst enemy—or my greatest ally. If you have had a desire to make a specific change in your life, possibly in relation to your relationship with food, understanding yourself and why you have not stepped into a space of change will create the opportunity to open yourself up to the possibilities on the other side of your limiting beliefs and fears.

When it comes to emotional and stress eating, the difficult part about change can be not understanding how it became a negative pattern, and then not knowing what else to do with stress and uncomfortable emotions besides soothe them with food (or fill in food with whatever your self sabotage patterns may be). That is why self-awareness is where we start. When you become self-aware, you understand and see clearly where your patterns have arisen from so that you can begin to create change through self-awareness, self-reflection and self-compassion.

While self-awareness is understanding that the patterns exist, self-reflection allows you to understand how these unhealthy patterns originated and become “stuck” and then self-compassion creates internal peace and acceptance. All of these elements require that you are mindful, that you are fully present and that you engage with what is true right now without judging it. This vital piece of mindfulness—the nonjudgment—is the kicker! You might feel really adept at being present, however, your ego might have a WHOLE LOT to say about the present moment as it is being presented to you—this is right, this wrong, this your fault, this is their fault, you are superior, you are inferior—the poor ego is where we usually hold much of our internal messiness. Being nonjudgmental and compassionate recognizes that we all are a mess to some degree and that is not good or bad, it’s just what is true right now.

Below are some questions that allow you tap into what you want in a reflective way. These questions offer an opportunity to understand your limiting beliefs, your internal “mess” and begin to not only challenge them, but understand that they are a part of your past and you no longer need them as you move forward. Couple this self-reflection with self-awareness and a daily dose of mindfulness and you will be well immersed in step one!

Pull out your favorite journal or any pen and paper and as you read each question just begin to “free write” whatever comes to mind. Don’t overthink this and definitely do not judge what comes up and out. Just write…

1.    What do I think when I hear the word change?

2.    How does it feel in my body when I think about the word change?

3.    What do I want?

4.    What limiting beliefs do I have about what you want?

5.    Do I believe it is possible for me to have this, why or why not?

6.    Is any of what I want coming from a space of ego, meaning what others will think if I had this, or having this makes me a better or worse person in the eyes of others?

7.    Are there any internal judgments coming up inside of me because I want this?

8.    How much do I want this, how long have I wanted this, what have I done so far to get this?

9.    What is the reason I have not pursued what I want?

10. Where did this reason come from?

11. What motivates me when I do pursue what I want?

12. What is my biggest fear?

Now read back over your answers and notice how it feels to be in a space of self-reflection and self-awareness. I recommend that you follow up with some free writing from a space of self-compassion. The three steps to self-compassion are: 1. mindfulness, recognizing how you are feeling in this moment without judging it; 2. creating a sense of connection, recognizing that at times everyone feels this way; and 3. kindness, speaking to yourself as you would a friend about why you have not moved forward towards what you want as well as offering yourself kind reassurance. Write down your biggest insights that you have created through self-reflection.

I encourage you to practice a mindful minute every day for this next week (and beyond!) where you set a timer and begin to connect to the rhythm of your breath. Any time you notice that you are attending to a distraction, such as a thought, a sound, an emotion or a body sensation, release the distraction and return your focus to your breath. Your mind may get distracted every second, that’s ok! Just return your focus to your breath every second! Mindfulness is called a practice for a reason! Remember that in life you get good at what you practice…

So that’s first step towards creating a life that you love, self-awareness. When you know yourself and stop judging yourself—and you open yourself to understanding your own blocks and doing the work to move forward—you set yourself up to create a life that you love.

I will be back next week with step two, aligning with your sense of purpose. This step will be fun and engaging, however, it will be most helpful to move forward when you understand why you have been standing still, so do the work this week to reflect to prepare yourself to tap into your vision and purpose!

10 Steps to Creating A Life You LOVE

If you are ready to make 2020 a year of clarity and purpose—and you know you want this year to matter— stay tuned here as I will be covering ten essential steps to leading yourself towards a life that you love. Today I will give you an overview and then for the next ten weeks I’ll be diving a little deeper into each of the steps. If you have a dream for your year, these steps will help you make your dream a reality! My work is geared towards those who struggle with emotional and stress eating, so going forward these steps will offer guidance specific to those needs, however, they fit well with anything you’d like to achieve and will offer everyone inspiration and motivation along the way!

Step 1: Self-Awareness

This first step is all about becoming deeply self-aware. In order to know yourself fully and understand your patterns and get comfortable with the discomfort of change, you must have self-awareness. This step creates the ultimate foundation for change. When you become self-aware you will explore and examine your internal emotional world, how you respond to life and any potential blocks to change that are standing in your way. Mindfulness allows you to create opportunities to know yourself and accept yourself completely. This step presents opportunities to create practices to live a truly mindful life. As you become more self-aware, present and accepting, you will begin to be able to tune into and listen to your inner wisdom.

Step 2: Aligning with a Sense of Purpose

Step two is about creating a sense of purpose that drives your motivation towards the change you’re seeking. When you can align consistently with your purpose you will be able to explore why change is important to you and why it is necessary. When you understand the change process and create a vision that supports your why, you will live in that alignment and remain motivated and inspired towards the change you desire. There’s a lot of talk about finding your purpose out there, which can feel daunting. This step allows you to break it down and offer a way to explore your sense of purpose if it isn’t clear—and how to work within why you want the change you desire and aligning that with your personal values. If your sense of purpose is clear to you, you will access that consistently to remain in alignment with your vision.

Step 3: Creating a Plan of Action

Without a plan your vision will remain only a dream. Step 3 will help you outline your specific plan and use it to create consistent action towards what you desire. Once you have a sense of purpose and a clear vision, you will focus with a new mindset on how to execute effectively in order to create a life that you love. Having a plan offers an opportunity to do just this and is an essential step to creating change. Creating a vision is fun and creative. Formulating a plan is practical and action focused. Your specific plan will allow you to move into a space of action, a space of change and is specific, doable and desirable.

Step 4: Evaluating Your Current Life and Lifestyle

Step 4 is all about evaluating how you are currently functioning in terms of living well, feeling well and being well. This step will help you understand and evaluate how you are integrating the foundations of wellness into your current lifestyle. You will have opportunities in this step to create greater wellbeing within your current life. There will be opportunities for self-reflection and to assess your current wellbeing within this step and where you might create more fluidity in your lifestyle that will help lead to the changes you desire.

Step 5: Monitor Your Process and Respond to Obstacles Along the Way

Step five outlines the need to monitor your progress in order to create the change you desire. It’s one thing to create a plan, it’s another to execute it! This step allows you to explore your inner resistance to change and learn how to build your resilience to ensure that change you desire shifts from a fantasy into reality based action. Resistance to change is the number one reason we don’t follow through. Resistance dampens motivation and zaps inspiration and keeps us stuck in this discomfort of our comfort zone and convinces us that that is better than the discomfort of stepping out of our comfort zone and into change. There will be opportunities in this step to build resilience as an anecdote to resistance and some serious reality checks to keep you moving forward!

Step 6: Create a Support Network

Step 6 emphasizes the need to have a strong support network on your side in order to make the changes you desire in your life. Without support change is way more difficult. Without support, life can be difficult and lonely. With support, you can reach out, stay motivated and feel inspired to move forward even when it’s difficult. You will evaluate the nature of your relationships, acknowledge the ones you’d like to improve, explore how to continue to develop new healthy partnerships all while improving your ability to communicate assertively, compassionately and effectively.

Step 7: Moving Forward with a Steady Pace to Create True Self-Leadership

Step 7 helps you create an understanding of how to continue to lead yourself through the change process at a steady, manageable pace. This step offers opportunities to evaluate and adjust your plan as needed, to continue to forge through any residual resistance and personalize your change process. Understanding leadership skills and becoming a strong leader for yourself is emphasized. We are often used to either being led or leading others, however, leading yourself is where your true internal power lies.

Step 8: Building on the Change Process

Step 8 is about celebrating your change process and nurturing it as it develops. With this step you will focus on the good, the wins you are achieving, and the positive shifts that are occurring. You will have opportunities to make adjustments when your motivation needs some tweaking. Developing a consistent gratitude and appreciation practice will be outlined and encouraged to integrate into daily self-awareness positivity practice. When you focus on what’s going well you tend to create more of it!

Step 9: Create Adjustments Through Self-Reflection and Acknowledging Change

Step 9 is about understanding how new learning can be integrated throughout your personal change process and how you can apply it to all areas of your life. Fine tuning your change process will be discussed which allows you to continue to deepen your self-reflection and self-awareness. This ensures that you continue to feel good about the person you are growing into on a daily basis. Celebrating any changes that have occurred is encouraged!

Step 10: Self-Reflection and Re-Evaluation

The 10th and final step is about graceful living and self-compassion through the growth process—which really is a lifelong process! With this step, you may find that your goals shift and maybe even majorly change. There will be opportunities for evaluating your personal change process and ensuring that you create a life-long dedication to being Wholistically, Unapologetically and Authentically You!

So consider something you’d like to shift, change or create within your life and join me over the next ten posts to lead yourself towards the change you desire!