Step EIGHT to Creating a Life You Love: Building on the Change Process

“Quitting is never an option on the road to success. Find the way forward. If you have a positive mindset and are willing to persevere, there is little that is beyond your reach. The attitude of being ready to work even in the face of challenges and despite odds is what will make all the difference in your life.” ― Roopleen

Step 8 to creating a life that you love is about celebrating your change process and nurturing it as it develops. You will focus on the good, the wins you are achieving and the positive shifts that are occurring. You will have opportunities to make adjustments when your motivation needs some tweaking. Developing a consistent daily practice to focus on the positive and express gratitude will be outlined and encouraged to integrate into a daily self-awareness positivity practice. When you focus on what’s going well you tend to want to create more of it!

As we move into this step, and really the final three steps, the aspects surrounding change are more nuanced and less direct. They are more about how to hold onto the changes you’ve created and continuing to dive deeper into what you want and why you want it. Because backsliding is an inevitable part of the process, developing a daily practice to ensure forward momentum is essential.

You may find as some of the smaller steps become habits that your focus may change, what you want may change and your desires become deeper. For example, for many who struggle with emotional eating, they often initially have goals related to wanting to change their body in some way or adhere to some type of diet plan. However, after making shifts and changes, they recognize that their relationship with food, body—or anything else—are all reflected within their relationship with themselves. This is experienced through deep self-awareness and constant self-reflection.

This step is about allowing the positive changes you’ve created to become not just a rote habit, but to savor the experience of the change, to take in the positive feelings of the change and to recognize and be grateful to yourself that you are responsible for the change. This is worth celebrating! Gratitude and daily self-reflection practices that focus on what went well, what changes you’ve maintained and where you can fine-tune your vision is central.

Now that you have seen how a plan turns behaviors into habits, maintaining those habits is how to continue to build on the change process. Taking time daily to reflect on what you did do, what went well and the positive impact that it had on you will help to keep the motivation flowing. This is the time to incorporate gratitude as a practice into your daily routine. As you reflect on what went well, say thank you to yourself for taking the time to put action into your vision and make the changes you desire. Expressing gratitude to yourself to be able to take action and for any of the people who supported you or anything/one else that helped you through this process will allow you to experience an abundance of positive feelings. When you link these positive feelings with the process of change, that will create a stronger desire to keep going. Reflecting on the good, taking time to let it sink in deeply and expressing gratitude all support your progress and build upon the change process in a meaningful way.

Putting this daily practice into your routine would look something like this… Start a daily positive action and gratitude journal. Begin by taking a couple slow, deep, centering breaths. Open your journal and write down two things that you did today to support your vision. These will be any action steps you did take today, no matter how big or small. Focus on what went well and how it felt to complete those action steps. (If your mind tries to distract you with what you didn’t do or anything negative, pause and go back to focusing in this moment solely on the positive.) Take a moment to savor the positive feelings that arise, letting them sink into your being. Notice how it feels in your body to focus on the positive, along with celebrating your growth and change process. Now thank yourself for taking the time to do these action steps and notice how that feels to focus your gratitude inward. Next, write down two things/people you are grateful for from your day and specifically why you feel grateful for these things/people. Take a moment to savor those positive feelings of gratitude, letting them sink into your being. Notice how it feels in your body when you practice gratitude. Savor the positive experience of reflecting on your dedication and expressing gratitude.

This simple and yet super powerful daily practice will help keep you aligned to your greater vision for your life. This daily practice is such a rewarding part of the change process. It does not take much time; however, it makes a big difference in how you feel and ultimately sparks more desire to continue to take action consistently. As you build on the small steps you continue to take, over time you prepare yourself to make big changes and live your vision. You are creating a life that you love!

Step ONE to Creating a Life You Love: Self-Awareness

“Self awareness is the honest ability to take a look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad.” –Debbie Ford

Last week I introduced ten steps to creating a life that you love and over the next ten posts I’ll be diving deeper into each step. When I think about any of the changes I have made in life, usually the first time I attempted the change it didn’t stick. Things like exercising consistently, eating well, self-care, meditation, reducing stress and anxiety, all did not integrate so easily. When I was able to examine why I couldn’t seem to be consistent, I realized a lot about myself and how I operate. I need structure, support, accountability—and I have to need and want the change for a reason bigger than “I should” do this. It was through the process of self-reflection and self-awareness I could see where I was getting in my own way of making the changes I claimed I wanted in my life. That leads me to step one, which is self-awareness. This step encourages a process and specific practices to become deeply self-aware.

In order to know yourself fully and understand your patterns—whether they are positive (encourage change and consistency) or negative (self-sabotage and fear based)—and get comfortable with the discomfort of change, you MUST have self-awareness. This first step to creating a life that you love offers you the ultimate foundation for change. The process of becoming more self-aware allows you to explore and examine your internal emotional world, how you respond to life, what motivates and inspires you as well as the often self-created blocks to change that are standing in your way.

Mindfulness is a major part of this step, as is self-compassion. Having a deeper understanding why you have not yet made the changes you set out to make more than once is key to knowing yourself and building your Inner Strength to make it happen. When you are living mindfully you create opportunities to know yourself and accept yourself completely with a nonjudgmental awareness. When you can remove the judgment you remove pain and shame. This step presents opportunities to create practices to live a truly mindful life. As you become more self-aware, present and accepting, you will begin to tune into and listen to your inner wisdom.

Understanding how to be mindful and practicing mindfulness have been big time game changers in my life. I have learned that I am indeed my own worst enemy—or my greatest ally. If you have had a desire to make a specific change in your life, possibly in relation to your relationship with food, understanding yourself and why you have not stepped into a space of change will create the opportunity to open yourself up to the possibilities on the other side of your limiting beliefs and fears.

When it comes to emotional and stress eating, the difficult part about change can be not understanding how it became a negative pattern, and then not knowing what else to do with stress and uncomfortable emotions besides soothe them with food (or fill in food with whatever your self sabotage patterns may be). That is why self-awareness is where we start. When you become self-aware, you understand and see clearly where your patterns have arisen from so that you can begin to create change through self-awareness, self-reflection and self-compassion.

While self-awareness is understanding that the patterns exist, self-reflection allows you to understand how these unhealthy patterns originated and become “stuck” and then self-compassion creates internal peace and acceptance. All of these elements require that you are mindful, that you are fully present and that you engage with what is true right now without judging it. This vital piece of mindfulness—the nonjudgment—is the kicker! You might feel really adept at being present, however, your ego might have a WHOLE LOT to say about the present moment as it is being presented to you—this is right, this wrong, this your fault, this is their fault, you are superior, you are inferior—the poor ego is where we usually hold much of our internal messiness. Being nonjudgmental and compassionate recognizes that we all are a mess to some degree and that is not good or bad, it’s just what is true right now.

Below are some questions that allow you tap into what you want in a reflective way. These questions offer an opportunity to understand your limiting beliefs, your internal “mess” and begin to not only challenge them, but understand that they are a part of your past and you no longer need them as you move forward. Couple this self-reflection with self-awareness and a daily dose of mindfulness and you will be well immersed in step one!

Pull out your favorite journal or any pen and paper and as you read each question just begin to “free write” whatever comes to mind. Don’t overthink this and definitely do not judge what comes up and out. Just write…

1.    What do I think when I hear the word change?

2.    How does it feel in my body when I think about the word change?

3.    What do I want?

4.    What limiting beliefs do I have about what you want?

5.    Do I believe it is possible for me to have this, why or why not?

6.    Is any of what I want coming from a space of ego, meaning what others will think if I had this, or having this makes me a better or worse person in the eyes of others?

7.    Are there any internal judgments coming up inside of me because I want this?

8.    How much do I want this, how long have I wanted this, what have I done so far to get this?

9.    What is the reason I have not pursued what I want?

10. Where did this reason come from?

11. What motivates me when I do pursue what I want?

12. What is my biggest fear?

Now read back over your answers and notice how it feels to be in a space of self-reflection and self-awareness. I recommend that you follow up with some free writing from a space of self-compassion. The three steps to self-compassion are: 1. mindfulness, recognizing how you are feeling in this moment without judging it; 2. creating a sense of connection, recognizing that at times everyone feels this way; and 3. kindness, speaking to yourself as you would a friend about why you have not moved forward towards what you want as well as offering yourself kind reassurance. Write down your biggest insights that you have created through self-reflection.

I encourage you to practice a mindful minute every day for this next week (and beyond!) where you set a timer and begin to connect to the rhythm of your breath. Any time you notice that you are attending to a distraction, such as a thought, a sound, an emotion or a body sensation, release the distraction and return your focus to your breath. Your mind may get distracted every second, that’s ok! Just return your focus to your breath every second! Mindfulness is called a practice for a reason! Remember that in life you get good at what you practice…

So that’s first step towards creating a life that you love, self-awareness. When you know yourself and stop judging yourself—and you open yourself to understanding your own blocks and doing the work to move forward—you set yourself up to create a life that you love.

I will be back next week with step two, aligning with your sense of purpose. This step will be fun and engaging, however, it will be most helpful to move forward when you understand why you have been standing still, so do the work this week to reflect to prepare yourself to tap into your vision and purpose!

How to Survive the 3 Most Common Holiday Stressors

Do the holidays totally stress you out? If so, you are not alone. Many people say that the holiday season is the most stressful time of the year. While this time of year can be filled with aspects of fun, sharing and joy, they can also wreak havoc on your wellness routine and cause some old patterns to trickle back in or, even worse, you might completely neglect self-care. This is not good and can leave you feeling burned out, tired and may even leave your more susceptible to illness.

Today I am offering this survival guide to the holidays as a reminder to focus on your health and wellbeing while covering the most stressful elements of the season: disruption in wellness routines, financial strain and travel anxiety.

DISRUPTION IN WELLNESS ROUTINES

The foundations of wellness are nutrition, sleep, movement and relaxation. When you have a routine that balances each of these, infused with some intentional self-care, you most likely feel well, live well and create inner and outer wellbeing. The holidays tend to disrupt each of these routines! We all know it can be something of a domino effect where if one piece is disrupted all of the others are consequently negatively impacted. An example would be, if I am over tired from not getting enough sleep I may skip my AM exercise in order to get a few extra zzz’s. Because I’m still tired I may go for that extra cup (or two) of coffee—increasing my sugar intake and now disrupting my nutrition. With all the extra sugar and caffeine I can’t focus during my daily meditation and it is hard to fall asleep at night… So that’s the domino effect. Here’s how you can catch it before it completely derails!

·      Create a meal plan for each week and be sure to highlight where the vegetables and fruits exist within this plan. Even if you indulge in some holiday treats, you will still be well nourished!

·      Make your bedtime consistent, aim for 7-8 hours per night.

·      Maintain a simple exercise routine, even 10 minutes of stretching, taking the stairs or anything at all is better than nothing!

·      Do a 1-5 minute meditation before bed. Insight timer is a great app has a TON of free guided meditations, or you can use their timer to stay on track! If meditation is not how you decompress, give yourself some form of intentional relaxation in any way that you can, an epsom salt bath, reading, taking a walk, sipping chamomile tea…

Use the tools that work best for you and keep it simple, but whatever you do, don’t give up on your wellness routines, this is the time of year you need these routines the most!!

FINANCIAL STRESS & STRAIN

There is a reason the commercials start getting us in the holiday spirit super early. They want us to buy stuff, and a lot of it. Which is totally fine so long as it does not come along with financial strain, debt and regret. While yes it is fun to give and receive, there is no need to do it out of guilt and without the financial means to make it feel good. Here are some suggestions to reduce your financial stress and strain this holiday season.

·      Set a realistic budget and STICK TO IT.

·      Get creative. Making gifts such as ornaments, bookmarks, writing letters, creating playlists, getting crafty, baking or anything handmade with love is a great way to give! Who doesn’t love something handmade?

·      Choose thoughtfulness over extravagance. Consider what might be a meaningful gift over a bunch of smaller items to open. While lots of packages might look fun to open, the gifts that are most meaningful will be remembered and used throughout the year. (You can click HERE for suggestions on how to give the gift of wellness.)

·      Choose experiences over gifts. Enjoy a holiday dinner out or take a trip to a holiday show rather than exchange gifts. Maybe volunteer with friends and family somewhere where you can make a difference, this will take your mind off of wanting and get you into a space of serious gratitude. Spending time together is more memorable than a new shirt and other random items. This can create fun traditions that focus on quality time over financial expense.

Whether or not the financial means are there, you might enjoy getting creative and experiences over going shopping!

TRAVEL ANXIETY

Traveling during the holidays can be tremendously anxiety provoking as we all have busy schedules and traveling can become one more thing on the to-do list. Here are some travel strategies that can help to ease your anxious mind.

·      Practice deep breathing to help keep your nervous system in balance. If you need a resource, you can follow my 5-minute guided diaphragmatic breathing practice HERE! This is useful on a plane, train, in a car or even at the dinner table! Deep breathing is free, calming and always available.

·      Pack light, book your plans early and take the extra day off of work.

·      Travel with healthy snacks that give you sustained energy like fruits and veggies and nuts and seeds. If you become hangry while traveling, you will feel just that much more unpleasant.

·      If traveling is too much, create a time other than the specific holiday to travel when the fares are lower, and the days are less hectic.

·      Don’t skimp on your wellness routines. While traveling you might over-eat, under-exercise, under-sleep or skip your relaxation altogether. This will make it that much more difficult to bounce back from any traveling exhaustion. Even if there is one area you can maintain, that will set up you for feeling better than if it all goes away!

Whatever your plans are for this hectic holiday season, I hope you remain, healthy, happy and full of gratitude. Whatever you do, don’t forget to breathe!