The Health Benefits of a Strong Social Support

As promised in my last post, I will be detailing the eight wellness essentials outlined in that post one by one. The first area of wellness to live a life of vitality is all about having a strong social support including friends, family and community groups. Spending time with friends and enjoying the company of others provides a tremendous amount of benefit to our lives.

From the wellness perspective, having a strong social support creates the best circumstances to live a long, healthy and happy life. When you share the company of friends, you might share a meal, a shopping venture, a walk, an experience or even a good cry. The benefit to your health comes in the process of sharing, of feeling connected, supported, heard and cared for. Having a support system where you can be your authentic self allows you to feel safe, valuable and secure.

By nature, we are social creatures. We have a need to create a sense of safety in our lives, and a solid social support offers just that. When you find your tribe, the people who unconditionally love and accept you, you feel supported, cared for and you can give yourself permission to be you. This can be a challenge to find as so many of us show up to life with a lot of social anxiety. This anxiety will cause you to worry about what people think about you, you may fear that you will be judged and this can cause you to feel as though you have to be *perfect* in order for people to want to be around you.

When you are ready to reconcile your perfectionism, release your anxiety and just be you. Inevitably, your social life will open up in a positive way. When this occurs you no longer attempt to hide behind perfectionism or people pleasing and you can be your true self. When you allow yourself to relax and become more confident in social circumstances, you become a better and better version of yourself through your relationships. In our current culture more and more people are connecting through social media outlets and yet more and more people are expressing feelings of isolation and loneliness. We all long for genuine, nonjudgmental connection.

If you find that you are feeling more isolated and lonely when it comes to a social network, know that there is always an opportunity to grow and expand into a social support that will be beneficial for you. If social anxiety is crippling for you, it might be helpful to seek additional support to work through your fears and automatic responses when it comes to social situations so that you can create more opportunities to expand both your social support and to feel more confident and less anxious. If you do not feel that you have overwhelming social anxiety but have become isolated for other reasons, there are many things you can do today to begin to grow your social support.

Having a strong social support is a wellness essential, and what that looks like, just like any wellness journey is absolutely personal to you. For one person it may feel best to have a small, tight group of friends where others may prefer to have a variety of friends across many social experiences. There is no wrong way to grow in your social support! If you feel as though you have a strong social support and feel really good about the relationships you currently have, then take some time to reach out to those people and let them know how important and meaningful their relationship is to you. If you feel as though you’d like to grow socially and strengthen your current or potential social connections, I put together the following list to help you think about how to expand your social outlet in a way that feels nurturing and healthy for you.

Try one or more of the following to grow your social support today:
-Take an in-person class on a topic that interests you
-Host a dinner party for an organization you are already a part of
-Join a book club
-Join a Meetup group
-Go to an event that sounds interesting to you and talk to one person you don’t know
-Go to a community meeting/religious service/open house event… and talk to one person you don’t know
-If you have kids, have a play date for your kids whose parents you’d like to get to know better
-Call an old friend that you haven’t talked to in a while and catch up
-Volunteer anywhere
-Participate in a committee at your work, kid’s school, in the community…
-Get your friends together for a potluck this weekend

From the list, what feels doable? What feels as though it would help you grow and strengthen your social support? When you try one, notice the impact of creating meaningful connections on how you feel about yourself.

8 Wellness Essentials to Live a Life of Vitality

Research has shown that those who remain vital and well throughout their lives engage in several areas of health and wellness that go well beyond making healthy food choices. While nutrition is absolutely a big part of health and wellness, it is one facet in a much larger view of living a long, healthy, happy life. There are eight areas that seem to be consistent practices amongst those that do find themselves healthy and vibrant in mind, body and spirit all throughout their lives.

These eight areas that create longevity and a strong, healthy mind and body are:

1.    A large social support including family, friends and community groups

2.    Close core relationships

3.    Well-nourished through whole, healthy enjoyable foods

4.    Restful sleep

5. Active throughout much of the day/consistent movement

6.    Curious, open-minded and continue to learn ALL throughout life

7.    Remain willing to take on new challenges no matter what their age

8. Consistent meditation practice

If you are rushing through life getting poor sleep, inconsistent movement and are isolated don’t fret! Just know that this is the right time to evaluate how you prioritize your health and wellness within your life. If the foundation is not set, most likely you are not seeking out new challenges because you feel that there is so much yet to do with your current ones. Wellness is about creating the time needed to nurture healthy relationships, learning and growing as well as healthy cooking in order to eat well and meditation. 

Think about it this way, what is the cost to your life if you don’t begin to shift your ways and create wellness within your life now? Your body is very forgiving, it wants to be in balance and to feel well. Today is just the right day to re-evaluate and create a new wellness routine that will support your vitality and longevity. What healthy changes can you begin to make today if your hope is to live a long, healthy, happy life?

When you begin a wellness journey, it is helpful to start with just one area that you would like to improve within your life. A complete overhaul is generally not possible and most likely not sustainable (you can read more about that here!) The focus for this post is about not just knowing what you need to do, but actually doing it! If you were to select one area from the seven areas on the list that could benefit your health for the better starting today, what would it be? Why would you start there? The thing is, we are all aging at this very moment, so why not continue to do so in a way that feels as though you are expanding, growing and encouraging vitality!?!

After you consider the above questions about where to start, it would benefit you to think about why you aren’t prioritizing your health and well-being? What blocks do you face? Are they motivationally based, timing or something else? What fears do you have to change, grow and live in a space of vibrancy? Take time to think these through in order to help yourself live your priorities.

I know that when I get stuck, it is usually because I fear that I’ll have to give up something I enjoy despite whether or not it is good for me. That’s not the most useful line of thinking, right!? Do you do this too? If so, know that restriction is not what improving your health is about. Wellness is about what you add to your life and when you do, to be able to notice and grow what improves for you within your life.

I talk a lot about healthy eating and the importance of a healthy lifestyle, (it’s kinda my thing!). While I love talking about all things food related, I will be detailing each of these eight areas of wellness over the next few weeks as reminders (for myself included!) that wellness is a wholistic journey! You can’t ignore or avoid areas of wellness because they aren’t convenient to you, or because of any other excuse. Vitality is a process, and if you want to create a full and vital life, it requires that you take action and that you dedicate yourself to well, yourself—your own well-being.

So, are you with me? Are you ready to address the process of living a full and vital life, even if it means giving up some things that are difficult to let go of, or adding in elements that are unfamiliar? Keep your eyes out for detailed ways in the posts ahead to improve your overall health, vitality and wellbeing!

Embracing Nonjudgment

Nonjudgment is a key concept within mindfulness. Mindfulness is paying attention from moment to moment with a nonjudgmental awareness. Nonjudgment means not having a reactive response to what is occurring, not responding—especially in a stressful manner—to whatever is true right now.

Nonjudgment can be a challenging concept to embrace because it is part of the nature of the mind to judge. However, this function of the mind/thought is not for the sake of beating yourself up or passing judgment onto others. The purpose of the capacity of the mind to judge is to engage the ability to make the best choices for yourself in the moment.

Unfortunately, judging and responding in an emotional way to that formulated judgement has become something that happens more rampantly. This internalized or passed onto others judgment is contributing to deep suffering on many levels. When you judge yourself, you create a feeling of being not good enough, unworthy and increase your stress.

When you judge others in a way that triggers a negative opinion of them, you are most likely activating your ego rather than your true self. In this ego space you are not allowing yourself to be accepting or compassionate towards their reasons why they have/do/are…whatever it is you are basing this judgment upon. This creates a limit to the connection you could experience with that person and also creates a cloud around a more clear decision to not subject yourself to that person.

When you embrace the concept and action of nonjudgment, you are not considering something as good or bad, right or wrong. You are not passing your internal opinions and values onto another but practicing the ability to deeply accept the truth of what is presented before you. When you practice nonjudgment, you are able to connect with a level of inner freedom and peace that allows you to experience less stress and an overall sense of lightness and wellbeing.

If you feel that you operate often out of a space of constant judgment, know that increasing your capacity for nonjudgment and deeper acceptance is a practice. It takes time, effort and focus to cultivate within. The most effective way to build your ability to practice and be in a state of nonjudgment and acceptance is through a consistent mindfulness practice. The second is through deep self-reflection.

While creating a consistent mindfulness and meditation practice has a number of benefits, today’s focus is specific to the ability to practice nonjudgment and acceptance. Your ability to accept others directly correlates to your capacity to accept yourself. If this feels like a little off-putting to consider, that’s ok, that’s just your ego responding and your ego is sensitive, guarded and most likely a little fragile. I know that mine sure is, which is why this practice is so, so very important. Without the internal barometer of mindfulness, meditation and self-reflection, we get stuck operating out of the needs of our ego. This will not increase our capacity of joy but will only create a temporary experience of survival and safety. But fear is always lurking out there—which ironically only breeds more judgment and nonacceptance. Nonjudgment allows you to release your ego based fears.

There are several mindfulness and meditation practices that offer the ability to grow in your capacity for deeper acceptance of yourself and others and allow the judging mind and ego to rest and feel safe. The most accessible is as simple as connecting with the rhythm of your breath. When you mind wanders, first, make note if it is a thought riddled with judgment (not to judge yourself, only to build awareness!) and then label it as a just a thought, then let it go. This will occur over and over and over again throughout the course of a minute. Initially this practice can be quite exhausting, but absolutely worth the effort. I recommend that you start slowly here, with just one minute and increase from there.

The second phase needed to build acceptance and the ability to practice nonjudgment is deep self-reflection. With deep self-reflection you are taking a closer look at your thought process. In this phase you become curious about your biases, your judgments, how they came to be and why they occur. Do you judge people for their appearance? Do you judge people for their material possessions? Do you judge people for their voice, their tone, their speech patterns, their words? Do you judge other people for what they do and the choices they make? These judgments may happen, however in deep self-reflection you can begin to understand why. This self-reflection practice gives you the ability to become aware that you are not your thoughts. Regardless of the emotional response that may or may not be conjured up by a thought, you can practice in the space of the witness to label it as a thought, or a process of your mind, and then let it go.

Earlier I may have triggered your ego by saying that your capacity to accept others is equal to your capacity to accept yourself. If you find that you judge others, how much time do you spend judging yourself? How much time do you spend commenting internally or out loud because of your appearance or your material possessions or for you what you say, do or the choices you make? Often the ego deflects this internal pain and suffering onto others and it creates this internal anxiety that is underlying, well, pretty much everything. It is deeply uncomfortable and unsatisfying, and I believe that most of us live in this space unconsciously much of the time. 

If you are ready to heal from these internal patterns of thought, feelings and behaviors, today is the day to begin a mindfulness practice. If you are ready to dig deep and understand how these patterns arose in order to ensure that they remain at bay, then today is the day to begin deep self-reflection.