Self-Awareness as a Path to Healing Emotional Eating

Many people struggle with emotional, and stress eating patterns and often feel frustrated, hopeless and helpless when it comes to changing these patterns.  Those who struggle with emotional eating often feel that a diet or wellness program is the only way out of the pattern. However, diets inflict control, restriction and force us into having to think about what to—or not to—eat constantly. Diets may have their place in the world, especially for someone who does not struggle with emotional eating patterns, however, the data is pretty compelling when it comes to the statistics related to the effectiveness of dieting.

It is estimated that each year 45 million Americans go on a diet and that $33 billion is spent on weight loss products. According to the CDC, nearly half of all adults attempted to lose weight in 2018. Research through the National Institute of Health has shown that more than half of the lost weight was regained within two years. The same study showed that by five years post diet, more than 80% of lost weight was regained. Those are not so great numbers in favor of dieting! Yet, the dieting industry continues to prey on people’s weaknesses, exploiting weight as a problem, and offering restriction and control as the only solution. However, clearly their solution is temporary, problematic and potentially damaging to both our minds and our bodies.

Emotional eating really is an attempt to care for ourselves. Soothing emotional pain and life’s stressors with food provides us with a break, a numbing out, a moment where we can feel really good while eating the chosen or desired food. As human beings, we really don’t like to feel uncomfortable or to have to experience pain in any way. We avoid pain, including emotional pain, at all costs, and most of us are not given great coping strategies for dealing with painful emotions as children. While we often end up causing a host of other problems for ourselves through this avoidance of emotional discomfort with food, it is quick, easily available, and works every time.

When this pattern of emotional eating becomes the only way that we know how to handle our emotional suffering, it creates a vicious and dangerous cycle where food is the problem and food is the solution. Emotional eating can lead to undesired weight gain, which incites additional uncomfortable feelings of failure, pain, frustration, and often shame. You can see how this cycle continues to loop, grow roots, and create so much suffering, despite the intended desire and attempt to avoid pain. Patterns of emotional eating often leads to body image struggles, internalized shame, and creates a much deeper suffering, which often only thrusts us back into the yo-yo dieting cycle. Unfortunately, dieting often feels like the only possible solution, yet with the statistics related to dieting you can really foresee where that will lead without some other, more helpful intervention.

This is where mindful and intuitive eating practices can begin to offer some support, hope and challenge to the dieting mentality. Learning to be present with food, listen to our bodies, respect feeling hungry and connect with our bodies in a real way is tremendously powerful. However, difficult and painful emotions will inevitably arise again. Especially if someone has endured trauma or significant suffering (which is pretty much all of us) and a trigger occurs, the pull towards emotional eating can be very strong no matter how much mindful eating you’ve practiced or how in tune you are with your bodies hunger and full cues.

Emotional eating is impossible to heal through a diet or by simply being present with food, hunger, fullness or rejecting diets alone. To heal emotional eating, addressing the uncomfortable emotions, learning about emotional patterns of avoidance, as well as our stressors, and understanding our emotions and processing them is vital to this healing. Healing from the inside out is the only way because emotional eating really has nothing to do with the food at all, but how the food numbs our feelings and comforts our suffering.

There is a misconception that if you heal from emotional eating you won’t find pleasure with eating and be able to enjoy food in the same way. This is a fear that needs to be cleared up immediately, and often arises out of the wake of dieting where deprivation and restriction are necessary. When you can heal from emotional eating and integrate mindful and intuitive eating practices in a way that allows you to be the expert on not only in what your body wants and needs, but also in what brings you pleasure, you can create an immensely pleasurable relationship with food. There is a big difference in eating to experience pleasure versus eating to eliminate pain.

When you explore your patterns, emotions, the what, when, and why you jump towards avoidance with food (or any in any other way) rather than feeling your feelings, you can develop awareness into yourself very deeply. Self-awareness is always the first step; self-awareness is always where we must start on any journey. Without awareness there cannot be any change. To begin, it is helpful to give space to your feelings, to begin to learn and create a language related to feelings and to practice awareness, in the moment if possible, or as reflection if you find that you missed a moment of emotional suppression.

Journaling, mindfulness practices, meditation and reading about emotions are all ways to get closer to our inner world. When we offer ourselves time for reflection on our deeper internal experiences and to determine what really is going on inside ourselves we can discover what are we really feeling and why it is that we feel this way. Discovering what brings ourselves pleasure, comfort, ease, and joy in non-food ways can help create coping strategies that are more beneficial and useful. With time, practice and constantly growing in our self-awareness, food can become unentangled from the web of our emotions.

Giving space to finding pleasure in eating, delighting in foods that do bring us pleasure, comfort, ease and joy when we are not in a space of stress or emotional suffering also creates an opportunity to heal. When stuck in patterns of emotional eating, finding actual joy in eating can trigger feelings of shame or undeservingness, this is an important area to explore as well. When diets, restriction, hiding or withholding pleasure as punishment have been entangled with food, pleasure, body image, and eating, then choosing to eat decadent foods can feel like “cheating.” This is the process of letting go of old stories, patterns and ways of being with food and with ourselves. If eating something we desire causes increased discomfort, this the opposite of our original intent when it comes to healing our relationship with food. It’s helpful to get curious about how this fits into each of our own food stories.

This healing process from the inside out requires a willingness to let ourselves be a work in progress. So for now, start with self-awareness, what do you notice about your patterns? What does it mean about you when you find yourself emotional eating? Get curious. Journal. Spend time in deeper self-reflection. When we can become aware of our patterns, as well as the negative internalized beliefs more clearly we can begin to dive deeper and deeper into the exploration of emotions. This is the work required to truly heal from emotional eating. I hope you find some time to be present with your patterns, your self, and I’ll be back soon with more specific ways to help explore emotions fully and deeply as you continue along your healing journey.

Understanding Triggers

The word trigger has become increasingly commonplace in our day to day language, but really, what are triggers and how can we best handle them?

A trigger happens when a current experience of discomfort touches on an old inner wound. This current experience of discomfort then reignites the old uncomfortable feeling(s) or experience(s), the unprocessed wound(s), or trauma(s). Negative thought patterns then get stirred and this often comes with a strong physical, emotional, and mental response. This response overwhelms the nervous system and is not necessarily congruent with the current uncomfortable experience, or trigger.

A trigger is experienced in the present and can be something someone says, doesn’t say, a look, a smell, a physical sensation, a tone of voice, or anything else that then stimulates the memory networks connected to the unprocessed trauma(s) or old wound(s) and brings up subconscious negative internalized beliefs about ourselves, such as I am unsafe, I am inadequate, I am unworthy, I am in danger and so on. The nervous system responds as if we are in danger. There is a big difference between being upset and being triggered. 

When triggered, we temporarily regress back to that feeling state associated with unprocessed emotions or experiences and the nervous system takes over as form of self-protection. This response plummets us into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode. This usually happens without the ability to think it through, it is an automatic reactionary response to re-experiencing the old wounds of the past tied up into the present triggering experience. This is a survival instinct to avoid suffering and danger.

This nervous system response to a trigger is something that luckily, we can begin to manage more effectively with self-awareness and learning to regulate our nervous systems more effectively. It takes a whole lot of effort and consistent practice, but it is possible. If you have deeper trauma, it is helpful to do this with the support of a therapist who practices from an evidence-based, trauma informed approach. If you suffer from PTSD, while some of this information may be useful, I highly recommend working with a therapist who specializes in PTSD as the trigger responses are likely more extreme and automatic and may be challenging to process on your own.

Self-awareness is the key to understanding and learning to redirect our triggers. Without awareness, we cannot change. With awareness, we can begin to see our own patterns and begin to make small, incremental changes that lead towards more self-regulation of our nervous systems. With increased awareness and coping strategies, we can develop the ability to respond to the trigger versus being thrown into the automatic reactionary impulse of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

Gaining self-awareness takes a willingness to investigate our own reactionary behavior patterns when triggered. Journaling about triggers, keeping a “trigger log” and taking copious notes about all of the details related to what you experienced— what it was, who it was, why it was, and very importantly, what it brought up for you that is old and from your past. Having this information gives you a place to begin. Taking notes about your response to being triggered, what was happening in your body, your mind, your breath during and after the trigger, this is where your self-awareness begins to grow. Once you have some data, you can begin to consider where to intervene with these occurrences and experiences in a way that supports your growth.

One way you can begin to understand your own triggers more effectively is to know what reaction it causes within you when you feel triggered. These are the negative internalized beliefs, negative cognitions or negative thought patterns that can loop in our brains based on early childhood experiences. The messaging we took in about our self-worth in these experiences as well as what we witnessed in the behaviors of our caretakers. We’ve picked these beliefs up and respond to them as if they are true, this self-awareness work is about beginning to understand that it is old, and to begin to challenge the messaging and eventually re-writing with the language that is actually true, useful and empowering.

Some examples of negative cognitions/negative internalized beliefs are:

I am not good enough

I am not worthy

I am powerless

I am helpless

I am not in control

I am a bad person

There is something wrong with me

I am a disappointment

I am a failure

I am inadequate

I am different and don’t belong

I am unlovable

I can’t trust anyone

I am unsafe

I can’t trust myself

I have to be perfect to be loved

The list can go on and on, however these are some of the most common negative cognitions that are experienced by many people. When we are triggered, if there are experiences in the past that have made us feel this way about ourselves, we can get stuck in a pattern of negative self-talk, or have a trauma response that makes us feel that this negative cognition or feeling state is indeed true. If we don’t learn how to manage these negative cognitions it can lead to compensatory, self-sabotaging behaviors such as using food, substances, mindless activities or anything else to avoid the discomfort that is experienced in mind and body. Emotional soothing with food or any other emotional numbing is only a temporary release and leads to increased negative feelings about ourselves. When we become the observer of the trigger and understand where it came from, we can begin to take our nervous systems back and learn to create and offer more self-compassion.

Over time, with self-awareness and practice we can create a new internalized belief structure such as:

I am good enough

I am worthy

I am powerful, or I own my power, or I now have choices

I am strong

I am now in control

I am a good person, or I am learning and growing every day, or I forgive myself

I am ok just the way I am 

I accept myself as I am

I can succeed

I am enough

I am unique, or I am ok just as I am

I am lovable, or I deserve love

I can choose whom I trust

I am safe, or in this moment I am safe

I am learning to trust myself, or I trust myself

I am ok as I am

When we practice accessing and internalizing these positive cognitions we can create a more compassionate relationship with ourselves. With practice and continued self-awareness we can soften the triggers and begin to operate outside of these negative, faulty beliefs. The most effective way to begin to re-write our internal language is to practice. Have the statement that is more useful, true and positive available at all times. Write it down, send it to yourself as a reminder on your phone, practice saying it out loud. Once we build this deeper awareness, we can begin to practice regulating our nervous systems in a way that leads to better self-regulation. Some of the most effective time we can spend is practicing learning these very skills and tools.

Breathing practices, meditation, mindfulness, thought work, movement, somatic awareness and embodiment, journaling, regular self-care, self-compassion practices, and talking through challenges with someone you trust are all great places to start. There are many forms of therapy that help to address thoughts and faulty beliefs and nervous system regulation if you feel you could benefit from further support as you heal. If you are someone who suffers from feeling triggered frequently, I hope you will pick one area to begin your journey towards deeper self-awareness and see where it leads. Spend time reflecting on whatever practices you may choose and notice the impact.

As you grown in your self-awareness and empowerment, you will begin to change the language of how you communicate your triggers with others. You can begin to shift your language from victim mode, “you triggered me” to self-ownership mode, “I was triggered when___________.” When we take responsibility we feel more empowered to choose our responses and less helpless and hopeless that change is possible. If someone else is in control of our responses we can’t truly believe in our capacity for change. However, if we are the ones beginning to learn to take control of our reactions and responses we take our power back and gain confidence in our capability for change. This increases our inner strength over time. It will not be an easy process. It requires a great deal of time, self-awareness, practice and more practice. It also does not mean we won’t get triggered in a way that is uncomfortable or even unmanageable at times. When you learn self-regulation, self-soothing and nervous system awareness and stabilization skills that change how you relate to any triggers, it will be life changing. When you are in control of your reactions and have this level of self-awareness you are becoming truly self-empowered.

To Weigh or Not to Weigh?

It seems that weight talk is constantly a topic of conversation. So many people obsess about the latest fad diet, their weight, how to lose weight, how to keep the weight off, other peoples weight and so on and so on… Body image and self-esteem have become intensely intertwined with weight.

So many people have the belief that weight loss will bring happiness and confidence. They believe that being thinner is best and that thin equals health. This simply is not true. This is a myth often perpetuated by the media and even the medical community. People often feel judged no matter what their weight is and believe that others are judging their bodies no matter what size and shape they may be. Many others are comparing themselves to everyone all around them and feeling inadequate and unworthy as a result of this comparison. This is not good!

For so many their relationship with the scale is frustrating and complicated. It feels as though stepping onto the scale will reveal whether they have been “good” or “bad”, which in turn leads to feeling either good or bad emotionally and about themselves. This action of letting the scale deliver how you will feel gives the number on the scale a tremendous amount of power over you and your mood state and self-worth.

When you step on a scale, will you feel happy because the number is lower or closer to what you think you want it to be? When you step on a scale will you feel angry, disappointed or shameful because the number is higher or climbing away from what you believe is an acceptable number to see? If the scale creates anxiety, tension, anger, stress, fear or shame it may be time to change your relationship with the scale—it may be time to break up with your scale.

Many of those I work with have a very complicated relationship with the scale and nearly all say that weighing themselves is a dreaded experience that provokes anxiety. Giving the scale this power over you robs you of your joy and can have a lasting impact all throughout the day on how you feel about yourself. The scale can also create a false sense of happiness and when you place your worth into a number on the scale, either way, you’re giving your power away to the scale.

So many feel confused about whether or not to use a scale as a tool in their journey of healing their relationship with food. I try to encourage everyone to make the choice that is best for them and serves their goals and allows them to feel empowered. There is no one right answer to the question of whether to weigh or not to weigh?

If you do choose to weigh yourself, these are some questions to consider before stepping a foot onto the scale:

-Will I be disappointed if the number is higher than the last time I stepped onto the scale?

-Can I view the number in a nonjudgmental way, not as a good number or a bad number, just information?

-Can I tell myself that I am worthy no matter what the number is on the scale?

-Can I feel deserving of eating and nourishing my body if the number is higher than I anticipated or hoped for?

-Can I use a self-affirming statement to remind myself that my worth is far greater than any number on the scale?

If you choose to step on the scale, it will be helpful if you can use the concept of nonjudgment within the process. When you engage with the number on the scale nonjudgmentally, the number is not good or bad, it’s just a number. The number does not represent if you are good or bad, it’s just a number. The number does not reflect your worth, it’s just a number. If you can approach the process with this nonjudgmental awareness and feel that the number is just information that can simply inform your process, then by all means, step on the scale. If you can’t, don’t.

If you feel you cannot answer the above questions affirmatively and that you will indeed judge yourself or feel less worthy based on the number, or if you will choose not to feed yourself, or binge because of the frustration, then it will not serve in your healing process to step on the scale.

The scale often represents emotional residue from diet culture where the only goal you have is to lose weight. This becomes so deeply entrenched with self-worth that if the number does not change or goes up it means that you have been “bad” or “cheating” on your diet. If the number goes down you have been being “good” and are celebrated. If you can untangle your relationship with your past dieting and empower yourself to eat in a way that serves your body and satisfies your mind and body, the number will begin to have less control over you. The more you ease away from dieting and more into intuitive and mindful eating, the less you will allow or rely on the scale to determine your worth and happiness.

I’d recommend that you do break up with your scale, committing to do so for just one month. During this month you can see what mental and emotional impact that it may have on you to not weigh yourself AT ALL.

Be curious about how it feels to leave the scale behind for a bit and notice if it frees up space in your mind. Be curious to see if it allows you to feel more empowered and in control, or if it leaves you feeling helpless and out of control. Just notice, be aware and allow this time away from obsessing about a number inform the way you interact with and use a scale going forward.

Once some people try this exercise of breaking up with the scale for a month, they choose to get rid of the scale for good (woo hoo!) Others find that they can begin to shift their relationship with it over time and experience their weight nonjudgmentally when they do step on the scale. Some find they are indeed able to use their weight as information in a nonemotional way. For some who choose to break up with their scale for good, they will ask their doctors and nurses to keep the number to themselves at the doctor’s office, they’d prefer not to know.

Wherever you are with your relationship with the scale is ok, and if you’d like that relationship to change, know that it can. You can feel empowered to make the choice you’d like to make when it comes to the question, to weigh or not to weigh?

No matter what you choose, know that you are worthy of feeling good and nourishing and caring for your body no matter what. You are worthy and deserve to speak to yourself, treat yourself and be treated by others with respect, kindness and compassion.

Your weight does not reflect or determine your worth. When you step into your worth and empower yourself to choose how to relate to a scale, even if that means breaking up with it for good, you will feel your worth expanding in a healthy, empowering and meaningful way.