Step FIVE to Creating a Life You Love: Monitor Your Process and Respond to Obstacles Along the Way

Step five to creating a life that you love covers the need to monitor your process and progress and respond to obstacles that will inevitably arise in order to create the change you desire. Here’s a quick review to see how these steps are flowing together. In step one, you created self-awareness through self-reflection and looking deeply inward. Step two was about aligning with your sense of purpose through creating a vision for what you want. Step three allowed you to create a plan of action in order to create the possibility for the changes to occur through goals and action steps executed consistently. Step four encouraged evaluating your current life and lifestyle to assess and assure that you are keeping your body and mind well. That leads us to step five, monitoring your process and progress and responding to obstacles as the arise. We all know that it’s one thing to create a plan, it’s another to execute it consistently over time! Step five allows you to explore your inner resistance to change and learn how to build your resilience to ensure that the change you desire shifts from a wish into reality-based action.

Resistance to change is generally the number one reason we don’t follow through consistently. Resistance dampens motivation, zaps inspiration and keeps us stuck in the discomfort of our comfort zone. Resistance convinces us that we are better off in the discomfort of our comfort zones and creates fear to stretching into change. This step will help you build resilience as an anecdote to resistance and offer some serious reality checks to keep you moving forward.

In order to overcome resistance and create the change you desire; you need to build resilience. Resilience is only created through difficulty, struggle and the need to get up, dust yourself off, and begin again…sometimes, but not always, right back at the beginning. This can be frustrating and sad and allows the resistance to settle in strong. Resilience is the ability to recover and the ability to feel your fear and persevere anyway. There is no way to hack the process of becoming resilient. The only way is to grow your resilience is through experience. People who are resilient have been through a lot, have developed grit, learned from their struggles and have the desire to create change that is stronger than the fear of failure, rejection and disappointment.

When you review your vision, goals and the action steps that will allow it to happen, are you executing your plan of action consistently? If not, what are the excuses that you are telling yourself? Where is your primary resistance to making the changes you desire? Resistance can look like a lot like procrastination, and uses pretty much any excuse, for example, “I don’t have enough time, I’ll do it tomorrow, I’ll start tomorrow, I’m too tired, I don’t know where to start, I forgot, I’m worried it’ll be too hard, I got pulled away by something else, if only, I want to but…” and on and on. If this sounds like what might be churning in your head, take a moment and challenge the resistance that is showing up for you. Ask yourself the following questions if you find you are resisting getting started on or sticking with your goals and actions steps consistently:

-Why am I avoiding this?

-What am I most afraid of, and why?

-Is there something small I can do to test it out and see how it feels to take action?

-Am I ready for this change?

-How badly do I want to live my vision?

-What am I choosing over my vision?

-What is the cost to me to not live my vision and make this change?

-Where can I find inspiration to make this change?

We all have an inner need to grow, to pursue, to create and to evolve. If we are not, that is where true stress, discomfort and challenge will show up in our lives. The trouble is that we are usually the ones that get in our own way of creating the change we say we want. Fear is self-doubt and an inner belief of either we aren’t worthy or deserving of this change, or on the other side of that, that we will be successful and worry how will that will impact our current lives, relationships and way of living. I can tell you that you are deserving and worthy of what you want, however, it is up to you to create this inner belief. I can also tell you that as you create change in your life, it may impact and disrupt your life, but those that support you and care about you will be there for you, and if they don’t, maybe they’re not your people.

Self-sabotage can show up easily and it can feel like an increase of excuses that may hum in the background of your mind. Change requires that you stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone and this process is uncomfortable. No one likes to be uncomfortable. When you persevere, the discomfort is temporary—just while you are in the stretching process—yet the payoff will create feelings of accomplishment, hope, determination, worthiness and joy.

Approaching change will benefit from some solid problem-solving through monitoring your process. If this is a change you’ve attempted in the past, where do you usually bail out? Where do you foresee self-sabotage to occur? If you can manage to preempt some foreseeable struggles, you create a plan for managing those struggles. I recommend that you create your plan of action weekly and check in with your plan of action daily. Where did you execute and where did you not execute? Why did you or did you not complete your action steps? How can you keep it going (if you did!) or make some shifts to motivate yourself if you didn’t. Get deeply curious about why you did execute or why you didn’t. You might be able to borrow from where you did execute to help support the areas where you did not.

Check in with any internal resistance daily as well. Notice any fear that is there and get curious about that. Why is it here? What happened to create this fear? Does it relate to the past? What is worst that can really happen? Resistance usually shows up in the form of internal (not true and certainly not useful) stories we create and we believe those stories. This is not an effective game plan! It can be helpful to sit with the opposites, if that potential fear-based story is true, couldn’t the opposite be true as well? For example, if you find you are resistant because you don’t trust yourself to follow through for the long term, couldn’t it also be true that you have made changes and now have the support to follow through for the long term? Both are not yet reality, however if a negative belief is true couldn’t a neutral or positive belief also be true? The only person we all have any control over in the world is our future self.

Today, attempt to do your future self a favor and commit, stick with your goals and take action. Practice taking action to cure your fears and allow your vision to become your life. A helpful mantra to remind yourself in any moments of resistance is, feel the fear and do it anyway! When you do, notice how you feel about yourself, notice your self-worth increasing. That is how you will continue to manage obstacles, build resilience, determination and a new way to focus on you!

Step FOUR to Creating a Life You Love: Evaluating Your Current Life & Lifestyle

“The concept of total wellness recognizes that our every thought, word, and behavior affects our greater health and well-being. And we, in turn, are affected not only emotionally but also physically and spiritually.”
--Greg Anderson

Step 4 to creating a life you love is all about evaluating how well you currently care for yourself in mind, body and spirit. Through this step you will learn about the foundations of wellbeing. You will have opportunities to evaluate how you are currently functioning in each of these foundations in order to assess how you feel you are doing in terms of living well, feeling well and being well. Through self-evaluation you can determine if there are any shifts and changes you would like to create. There will be opportunities to reflect and notice where you can create more fluidity in your lifestyle that will help lead you to the changes you desire.

No matter what your vision for your life may be, when you are taking care of yourself in mind, body and spirit, you will be more likely to have the energy, mental clarity and the necessary inner spark and desire to work towards your goals. If your goals fall within the foundations of wellbeing, then you will really enjoy this step. If they don’t, this step will be important for you too as this foundation creates more freedom for you to create whatever you desire within your life. The foundations of wellbeing are movement, nutrition, sleep and intentional relaxation. When your foundation is strong and your wellbeing becomes a priority, you will be unstoppable as you propel towards pursuit of your life’s vision.

Take a moment and assess your current state of wellbeing. Ask yourself the following questions.

-Do you move your body regularly in a way that keeps it feeling mobile, strong and healthy?

-Do you eat vegetables daily and pay attention to how what you eat makes you feel?

-Do you eat mindfully, meaning pay attention to the process of eating without distraction?

-Do you get adequate and quality sleep?

-Do you take time to relax in an intentional way? Meaning, do you give yourself space to calm and center yourself in mind, body and spirit?

-Is your current lifestyle reflective of your vision and purpose?

-Does your current lifestyle reflect your personal values?

Any wellness routine and way of integrating wellbeing practices into your life will look and feel different from person to person as we all have individual preferences, needs and ways of being. One person might find that within the movement foundation, gentle yoga is what suits their body best while someone else might find that preparing for a half marathon is more fulfilling. With nutrition, we all have different needs. When you assess if you get adequate vegetables, what does that look like for you? No matter what you are eating, paying attention and noticing how what you eat makes you feel is one of the most important elements of being nourished by food. The same is true for sleep, although this tends to be something many people let slide out of focus easily. Intentional relaxation is different than Netflix and chill. While this might be how you unwind or have fun, it is not a true state of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual relaxation. Examples of intentional relaxation include meditation, creating art, reading, taking a bath, having lunch with friends, praying, spending time in nature… Intentional relaxation provides fulfillment, rejuvenation, vitality and pleasure in your life that feels good to you and creates inner peace.

Creating a strong state of true wellness is a journey. Most of us are stressed, tired and live in an overall imbalanced way. When the foundations of wellbeing become a priority, your ability to cope with stress, solve problems and feel mentally and physically well enough to take on much of what life delivers will be far more available. When you create a strong foundation for your physical body, your mental and emotional world can become more available to explore and you can continue to grow and expand mentally and spiritually.

The process of focusing on your own wellbeing requires commitment. When you have a vision for your life and a sense of purpose—and a plan to make it happen—your focus can shift to your wellbeing. When you create true mind, body, spirit wellness within your life, you set the groundwork to live your best life. Begin by choosing ONE area that may be out of balance for you and start with ONE element that you can incorporate in a positive way. Continue building slowly. Once your body is vital and healthy you can dive deeper into mental, emotional and spiritual wellness. This is where personal growth becomes a daily process and daily opportunity. As you move through these steps to leading yourself to living your best life, be sure to offer yourself ample time to creating a solid foundation for wellness and overall wellbeing.

Step TWO to Creating a Life You Love: Aligning with Your Purpose

“If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.” ―Jack Canfield

Do you feel that you are living in alignment with your life’s purpose? If not, or if you don’t even have an inkling what your purpose might be, you are not alone. Many people feel that having a purpose means that you need to be working/living/sleeping/breathing that purpose every second of every day. This is not this case. If you think your purpose has to be on par with saving the world, something magnificent and deeply meaningful, that may keep you stuck from actually aligning with it. Your purpose is your own and cannot be created by anyone else or diminished in any way. It may or may not have anything to do with your work, but more with how you approach your work and how you live your life.

Knowing what you want in life, why you want it and having a vision for your life—a vision that aligns with your personal values and brings you joy—that is living your purpose! This brings us to the heart of step two, which is creating a vision for your life based on your values and desires and then beginning to make a series of choices (through goal setting/action steps) in order to create the opportunity to live a life that you love. This opens you up to your purpose, which is the continual process of growing into a better, more whole, more evolved version of you.

The process of visioning is inspiring, motivating and fun. I love visioning. I love creating an image in my mind’s eye of what I want and feeling the inspiration that comes from believing in myself and having a dream that is expansive. When I first created a vision board, I discovered it was about so much more than just wishing for nice things to have one day in the future. I discovered the process of setting intentions to align how I live with what I want and how it is imperative to remain connected to the WHY behind the desire. When I connected with why I wanted certain elements or things in my life I could connect with my purpose. The why creates constant inspiration, and inspiration allows me to express myself and feel authentic and in alignment with my sense of purpose. The vision board process was a part of that alignment because through creating my vision for my life, I grew in self-awareness. Through this process, I was able to see that if there is something I want in my life; I am responsible for making it happen.

I created that first vision board at least ten years ago, and when I periodically look back on it, I see how much I have created within my life because of the intention behind it. I have since used visioning as a regular practice, I use a list now (although I still collect images that I will one day make into a new vision board!) and I connect with my list often by reading it, visualizing it and asking myself what I am doing or what action am I taking to allow these desires to enter my life.

Practicing mindfulness and visualization consistently helps to create a sense of being centered and allows me to recognize any internal resistance (any internal naysayers) so that I can clear those blocks and stay focused on what I want and why I want it. This process is connected to the self-awareness we built through step one. The energy that is created through visioning, visualizing and staying in alignment with the WHY driving what I want helps to generate momentum. When I have momentum I am more likely to take action to create the changes necessary to live my vision. Only then can I truly connect with my vision and sense of purpose from a non-ego-based space (this is not necessarily easy!) My vision, and a reminder of it daily, is a consistent reminder to take action. When I am feeling a little lazy, or when I am listening to my internal negative naysayers, it’s so helpful to pull out my list, do some visualization, connect with the action steps that will lead me to creating my vision and feel motivated to do the work…but I’m getting ahead of myself—we’ll cover more of that in future steps! For now, let’s focus on the vision and its connection to aligning with your purpose.

This step will offer you continued inspiration as well as direction to take your broader vision and bring it into your daily life in a realistic, useful and meaningful way. In step two you will connect to why you want what you want and (spoiler alert!) in step three you will create a plan of action through goals and action steps. The process of visioning and creating self-awareness is about so much more than fantasy or imaginary desire, it’s a creative connection to what you want at your core, what lights you up and brings you joy. Visioning creates a spark within, a hope and need for growth, change and fulfillment. Your vision inspires a greater version of yourself to become a possibility. As you bring this step into your focus this week, I hope you begin to feel that spark and let it continue to light you up every single day. What you want is possible, but it’s up to you to create it, to build it and to grow it all throughout your life. And this is how you align with your purpose.

So now it’s time to put step two to work. Pull out your favorite journal—or anything to write with and on—and get ready to tap into your sense of purpose through your vision for your life. Let yourself take this time to connect deeply with what you want and why you want it. Answer the following questions with the first answers that come to mind, try not to overthink it and definitely DO NOT judge what comes up for you, just write!

1.    What do I want? Be as specific and detailed as possible. DO NOT let your fears, limiting beliefs or any internal naysayers get in your way! There is nothing too small or large, too crazy or sane, too perfect or messy…just write it allllll out!

2.    How would it make me feel emotionally if I had this?

3.    How would it feel in my body to have this?

4. Why do I want this?

5. What do I value the most and why?

6. What do I find myself most often searching for/reading/researching on the internet?

7. What do I daydream about?

8. What does a perfect “work” day look like for me?

9. What does a perfect “off” day look like for me?

10. If I was living my purpose and vision six months from now what would my life look like? (Be as specific as possible.)

11. How do I want to feel?

Take time to read back everything you wrote and write out your vision for what you want now. If you notice any internal resistance, judgments or ego superiority/inferiority trying to jump in your way, pause, remind yourself of how what you want makes you feel and keep writing. Be as detailed and positive as possible. Believe in the possibility that you can create a life you love through aligning with your vision and purpose.

Every day this week connect with your vision, what you want and why you want it. Read and re-read your vision, give yourself time to sit with the good feelings that come up along with the hope that your vision will become your reality. Stay in a space of self-awareness, knowing that this is your vision and there is a deeper reason as to why you want it, why it is important to you and how you can begin to connect with it as a possibility on a daily basis. Take time to examine where your purpose shows itself to you within your vision, your values and why you want what you want. Take time to enjoy the process and fully experience the joy in aligning with your vision and your purpose without having to try to control or know exactly what comes next.

Next week we will explore step three, Creating a Plan of ACTION! Until then, happy visioning!