So many people feel as though there is a magic number they will see on the scale that will make them feel amazing, happy, proud and worthy. This is a message we receive often from society and maybe even from friends and family. The truth is that your weight is completely separate from your worth as a person. You are worthy, period. You are worthy simply because you are you and you are here. It is your birthright to experience your worth for who you are, not for what you do, what you own, what size you are, a number on a scale, or for any other external factor.
If you have a goal and desire to lose weight for personal reasons, feeling proud of that as an accomplishment is a good thing. However, it is a separate experience from whether or not you are more valuable as a person because of the number you see on a scale changing. Likewise, if you find that you have gained weight and feel frustrated, that does not diminish your value and worth as a person. While it may feel that we live in a judgmental and shallow society, most of us just want to feel content, peaceful and happy. A number on a scale may offer a temporary jolt of happiness, but it is not sustainable happiness. This type of happiness is conditional and fleeting. True happiness comes from within and is unconditional.
True and lasting contentment, peace and happiness can only come from within. While external circumstances contribute to certain feelings, they are all fleeting. Finding self-worth and value in who you are requires self-compassion, self-reflection and self-exploration. Think about why you care about the people in your life that you love, care for and trust. Is it because they look good, own fancy things or step on a scale and see a certain number? I’d think not! Most likely you care for them because of who they are. Most likely you like the way that they make you feel when you are around them. This is an experience of the true person, not some external factor. This is what others seek from you as well. They most likely are not judging you, they want to be around you because of how you make them feel.
When you feel good about yourself and own your worth, this is experienced by others. When you are down on yourself, negative and anxious about weight, perceived judgment and withdrawn from others, they may resist being around you. So how do you go about improving your self-worth on a deeper level? Self-compassion is a big one here. Grow in your ability to be kind to yourself, speak to yourself and any struggles you experience in the same way you would a friend. Self-reflection is helpful in order to improve your self-worth as you can see where your blocks are to self-compassion and self-acceptance. Some forms of self-reflection are journaling, meditation, therapy and other creative outlets. These processes lead to self-exploration where you can explore what comes up during your time of self-reflection. Through the self-exploration process you can make changes as you find patterns of thoughts, beliefs, actions and behaviors that are not serving you.
So now back to feeling worthy despite a number on the scale. To begin, I recommend throwing your scale away. If you insist on keeping it, try not to weight yourself regularly as weight fluctuates easily and often. Once a monthly is sufficient—but only if you feel it is not triggering or that you are overly attached to a specific number on the scale. When you go to the doctor you can always ask to not hear or see the number on the scale. If there is something in relation to weight gain or weight loss that may be medically driven, you do want to talk about the specific medical factors and solutions. However, this for the purpose of your health and wellbeing, but that does not require that you know the exact number.
Building self-worth is not an overnight task. If you have been struggling with frustrations due to your weight or your body, try beginning with at least a little self-compassion. What factors do you want others to notice about you, who you truly are on the inside? Notice those elements within yourself and begin to reclaim your self-worth based on who you are, not what you look like, what you own or feel that you lack. If you want to create change in your life, allow it to come from a place of kindness and care for yourself, not punishment and disdain. As you continue to practice self-compassion, self-reflection and exploration I’d love to hear what you discover.
