The Health Benefits of Remaining Curious and Open-Minded Throughout Your Life

Being curious and open minded is yet another wellness essential that supports living a long, healthy, happy life of vitality. While it may seem obvious that eating well, exercising, restful sleep and even sound relationships improve longevity and wellbeing, keeping your mind curious and open may not be as obviously linked to wellbeing. When you consider the mind-body connection, yes, reduced stress is a primary focus which can be supported through maintaining a sharp, active, curious mind. Flexibility in your viewpoints and perspectives allows for longevity and vitality as well.

When you spend time with a child who is just beginning to learn about the world, they ask a million questions. Then those questions are followed up with “why?” At some point we stop asking why and just respond to life based on what we think we know. Being curious and asking why can increase your learning and personal growth and wellbeing.

When you are considering a viewpoint contradictory to your own in a curious and open-minded way, rather than becoming defensive and possessive of your views, you maintain lower stress levels because the defensiveness causes your stress levels to rise. You also create more awareness and understanding of the other person or groups viewpoint which allowing for less of a sense of “us against them” which also is associated with stress. Knowing that we can improve our wellbeing by moving from a fixed, negative world view to a more positive, flexible one allows for personal growth by increasing kindness, tolerance and acceptance.

Life can become rudimentary and mundane so easily. Becoming entrenched in a certain routine and way of being and not creating the energy or time to expand your mind can happen without even noticing it. Life is busy and these days can get filled up with a lot of seemingly important tasks. When was the last time you asked why?

The first 20-25 years of our lives are often dedicated to learning and expanding our minds. Beginning a career requires new learning until the skills are mastered and then we just kinda settle in and cruise for a while. This is where life can get filled up and your time gets taken over by daily chores and responsibilities. The next thing you know you surround yourself with people with similar viewpoints that you have and your work and/or family life and remain tightly bound in that bubble. If you are ready to get back to curiosity, growing your mind and increasing your vitality through the process of expanding your awareness here are some ideas:

 -       Ask questions and listen to the answers without offering your own opinion on a topic, keep asking questions until you feel you have a solid take on the other persons opinion. Only offer your own if asked, and if then, remain non-defensive, have a conversation about expanding your viewpoint rather than trying to convince another person to take yours as their own

-       Talk to someone from a different cultural background than your own and be curious about how their culture impacted their personal experience, viewpoint and life in a way that is different from your own

-       Volunteer at a community recreational center, after school program or anywhere with those with less fortunate financial means than your own

-       Go to an art museum

- Go to a science museum

-       Go to a musical event that you might not normally attend

- Take a class

-       If you go to a house of worship, try a different one from a different denomination or if you are comfortable with it, even a different faith than your own and talk to at least one person from that new environment. Listen only, be curious and open to hearing about someone else’s experience, viewpoint and lifestyle. Try not to judge, remain curious and open to understanding another person’s perspective.

-       Learn a new skill in an area of interest (art, craft, new instrument, sport, cooking, technology…)

-       Read anything

-       Watch a sunrise and/or sunset

- Never stop asking why?!

This is a short list of ways to begin thinking about how to remain curious, open-minded, interested and engaged with the mysteries of life and a worldview beyond your own. When you think about traditional learning, it was to master a skill or get a certain grade in order to achieve something else, not necessarily just for the sake of learning or growing. This is a new way to approach learning—simply for the sake of expanding your mind and intellect and sense of being a human. Just listening to and being curious about someone else’s view of life and overall perspective can be amazingly expansive.

For the past 18 years I have worked as a therapist in several different capacities, from a homeless shelter in Brooklyn, to working with at-risk youth from the inner city and outer counties of Richmond Virginia, to people of all walks of life who desire to decrease their emotional distress, heal their relationship with food, themselves and others and feel more confident and well. One thing I know for sure is that we have way more alike than we have differences and yet culturally we are set up to feel that any difference is a potential threat to us.

When you expand on this personal level, your mind naturally begins to open and create less anxiety and fear surrounding others. With this you create less internal struggle which only enhances you life and helps you grow in your vitality.

The Health Benefits of Close Core Relationships

Over the next several posts I am diving deeper into eight essential areas of wellness to live a long, healthy, happy life of vitality. The first area of wellness that we explored and strategized to improve was creating a strong social support. The second area of wellness that we will dive into is close core relationships.

Having strong, deep and unconditionally loving relationships is an essential area of wellness. This area of wellness is consistently a marker for those who live a long, healthy, happy life. Healthy core relationships indicate a healthy inner-being and healthy life. Close core relationships exist with the people you trust and that you are deeply connected. In essence, these are your most valued relationships. These core relationships could be your partner, anyone in your immediate or extended family, your best friend(s), your business partner…really whoever you are closest to on a deep, genuine level.

These core relationships are often just a handful of people. These are people who love and care for you no matter what. These are reciprocal relationships, meaning there is a flow of give and receive and feel balanced and healthy. These are the people you trust, love and know that you could call them at any time of day or night, and they’d be right there for you. A relationship like this might be tough to come by. Relationships on this level require the ability to be authentic, to be yourself, to be vulnerable and to be fully accepting of exactly who they are and you are fully accepted for exactly who you are.

If you feel as though you are seeking just this type of closeness but struggle to be authentic, to be seen, and to be yourself, you might benefit from exploring the challenges you experience to show up as your authentic self. If you feel as though you once had this level of closeness with some people, however those relationships have drifted or become less reliable or close, there is hope to create that closeness once again, if indeed that person is a healthy person to have within your life. 

Relationships are difficult to maintain and require effort, time and consistent communication in order to keep them within a healthy and authentic place. There is absolutely no shame in seeking a therapist or other support if you feel your closest core relationships need some TLC. It is possible to heal these relationships without external support as well, just both parties need to be on board and ready to put in the work!  

Some ways you can strengthen your current core relationships is to take time to talk, well—really, to take time to listen. Listening is a skill and an art form and is one of the most wonderful gifts you can offer someone you care about. When you truly hear someone you care about you are not formulating what to say next, you are not defensive, you are trying to hear and be open in a loving way. Becoming a compassionate listener rather than a problem solver for those you are close with can help bring healing and deeper understanding as well.

Having dedicated time to enjoy one another is another important part of maintaining a close core relationship. When your time spent together is always about problem solving, discussions of practical matters and daily tasks, this can put a drain on your closeness. Find time to spend time doing something that brings you both joy or maybe just nothing in particular. The intention, no matter the nature of the relationship, is to provide a opportunity to create closeness and joy within your relationship.

Honesty is a component of creating closeness and authenticity in your core relationships. This requires vulnerability, a willingness to disrupt the peace at times in exchange for a more secure connection. You have to make it safe for those you care about to approach you, and you need to have safe people to approach with your concerns. This might even be a simple practice of being honest with mundane things as well as in deeply important areas such as being honest and open about your feelings.

Consider one existing relationship you are already have, that may be experienced as going pretty well overall. Consider someone you do feel some level of closeness, but you’d like to improve and strengthen. (You don’t want to start with a relationship that needs a ton of repair.) First, ask yourself can you accept this person for exactly who they are, without any condition? (Now ask yourself this again!) Do you feel that they can offer you this same level of acceptance in return? If so, how can approach this person in a way to let them know you’d like to strengthen and build upon the foundation of your relationship? As you reach out, be vulnerable, be real and share yourself in a way that offers the opportunity to connect in a meaningful way, knowing that relationship building is a process, a marathon, not a sprint!

If this person is amenable to working and growing and strengthening the relationship, practice these three areas to work to continue to grow, connect and improve your connection. Start with listening to them, then find time to have fun together and enjoy this time spent. Then assure yourself that you are being fully and completely authentic within the relationship, being open and honest. Notice the impact as you grow and expand within your close core relationships.

The Health Benefits of a Strong Social Support

As promised in my last post, I will be detailing the eight wellness essentials outlined in that post one by one. The first area of wellness to live a life of vitality is all about having a strong social support including friends, family and community groups. Spending time with friends and enjoying the company of others provides a tremendous amount of benefit to our lives.

From the wellness perspective, having a strong social support creates the best circumstances to live a long, healthy and happy life. When you share the company of friends, you might share a meal, a shopping venture, a walk, an experience or even a good cry. The benefit to your health comes in the process of sharing, of feeling connected, supported, heard and cared for. Having a support system where you can be your authentic self allows you to feel safe, valuable and secure.

By nature, we are social creatures. We have a need to create a sense of safety in our lives, and a solid social support offers just that. When you find your tribe, the people who unconditionally love and accept you, you feel supported, cared for and you can give yourself permission to be you. This can be a challenge to find as so many of us show up to life with a lot of social anxiety. This anxiety will cause you to worry about what people think about you, you may fear that you will be judged and this can cause you to feel as though you have to be *perfect* in order for people to want to be around you.

When you are ready to reconcile your perfectionism, release your anxiety and just be you. Inevitably, your social life will open up in a positive way. When this occurs you no longer attempt to hide behind perfectionism or people pleasing and you can be your true self. When you allow yourself to relax and become more confident in social circumstances, you become a better and better version of yourself through your relationships. In our current culture more and more people are connecting through social media outlets and yet more and more people are expressing feelings of isolation and loneliness. We all long for genuine, nonjudgmental connection.

If you find that you are feeling more isolated and lonely when it comes to a social network, know that there is always an opportunity to grow and expand into a social support that will be beneficial for you. If social anxiety is crippling for you, it might be helpful to seek additional support to work through your fears and automatic responses when it comes to social situations so that you can create more opportunities to expand both your social support and to feel more confident and less anxious. If you do not feel that you have overwhelming social anxiety but have become isolated for other reasons, there are many things you can do today to begin to grow your social support.

Having a strong social support is a wellness essential, and what that looks like, just like any wellness journey is absolutely personal to you. For one person it may feel best to have a small, tight group of friends where others may prefer to have a variety of friends across many social experiences. There is no wrong way to grow in your social support! If you feel as though you have a strong social support and feel really good about the relationships you currently have, then take some time to reach out to those people and let them know how important and meaningful their relationship is to you. If you feel as though you’d like to grow socially and strengthen your current or potential social connections, I put together the following list to help you think about how to expand your social outlet in a way that feels nurturing and healthy for you.

Try one or more of the following to grow your social support today:
-Take an in-person class on a topic that interests you
-Host a dinner party for an organization you are already a part of
-Join a book club
-Join a Meetup group
-Go to an event that sounds interesting to you and talk to one person you don’t know
-Go to a community meeting/religious service/open house event… and talk to one person you don’t know
-If you have kids, have a play date for your kids whose parents you’d like to get to know better
-Call an old friend that you haven’t talked to in a while and catch up
-Volunteer anywhere
-Participate in a committee at your work, kid’s school, in the community…
-Get your friends together for a potluck this weekend

From the list, what feels doable? What feels as though it would help you grow and strengthen your social support? When you try one, notice the impact of creating meaningful connections on how you feel about yourself.